PAGE. Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock him.
I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house to breakfast;
after, we'll a-birding together; I have a fine hawk for
the bush. Shall it be so?
FORD. Any thing.
EVANS. If there is one, I shall make two in the company.
CAIUS. If there be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.
FORD. Pray you go, Master Page.
EVANS. I pray you now,
remembrance to-morrow on the
lousy knave, mine host.
CAIUS. Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart.
EVANS. A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!
Exeunt
SCENE 4.
Before PAGE'S house
Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE
FENTON. I see I cannot get thy father's love;
Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.
ANNE. Alas, how then?
FENTON. Why, thou must be thyself.
He doth object I am too great of birth;
And that, my state being gall'd with my expense,
I seek to heal it only by his wealth.
Besides these, other bars he lays before me,
My riots past, my wild societies;
And tells me 'tis a thing impossible
I should love thee but as a property.
ANNE.. May be he tells you true.
FENTON. No, heaven so speed me in my time to come!
Albeit I will
confess thy father's wealth
Was the first
motive that I woo'd thee, Anne;
Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value
Than stamps in gold, or sums in sealed bags;
And 'tis the very
riches of thyself
That now I aim at.
ANNE. Gentle Master Fenton,
Yet seek my father's love; still seek it, sir.
If opportunity and humblest suit
Cannot
attain it, why then-hark you hither.
[They
converse apart]
Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and MISTRESS QUICKLY
SHALLOW. Break their talk, Mistress Quickly; my kinsman
shall speak for himself.
SLENDER. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on 't; 'slid, 'tis but
venturing.
SHALLOW. Be not
dismay'd.
SLENDER. No, she shall not
dismay me. I care not for that,
but that I am afeard.
QUICKLY. Hark ye, Master Slender would speak a word
with you.
ANNE. I come to him. [Aside] This is my father's choice.
O, what a world of vile ill-favour'd faults
Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a year!
QUICKLY. And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you, a
word with you.
SHALLOW. She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a
father!
SLENDER. I had a father, Mistress Anne; my uncle can tell
you good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress Anne
the jest how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good
uncle.
SHALLOW. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you.
SLENDER. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in
Gloucestershire.
SHALLOW. He will
maintain you like a gentlewoman.
SLENDER. Ay, that I will come cut and longtail, under the
degree of a squire.
SHALLOW. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds
jointure.
ANNE. Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.
SHALLOW. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that
good comfort. She calls you, coz; I'll leave you.
ANNE. Now, Master Slender-
SLENDER. Now, good Mistress Anne-
ANNE. What is your will?
SLENDER. My Will! 'Od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest
indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not
such a
sickly creature, I give heaven praise.
ANNE. I mean, Master Slender, what would you with me?
SLENDER. Truly, for mine own part I would little or nothing
with you. Your father and my uncle hath made motions;
if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be his dole! They
can tell you how things go better than I can. You may ask
your father; here he comes.
Enter PAGE and MISTRESS PAGE
PAGE. Now, Master Slender! Love him, daughter Anne-
Why, how now, what does Master Fenton here?
You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house.
I told you, sir, my daughter is dispos'd of.
FENTON. Nay, Master Page, be not impatient.
MRS. PAGE. Good Master Fenton, come not to my child.
PAGE. She is no match for you.
FENTON. Sir, will you hear me?
PAGE. No, good Master Fenton.
Come, Master Shallow; come, son Slender; in.
Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.
Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER
QUICKLY. Speak to Mistress Page.
FENTON. Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter
In such a
righteous fashion as I do,
Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and manners,
I must advance the colours of my love,
And not
retire. Let me have your good will.
ANNE. Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool.
MRS. PAGE. I mean it not; I seek you a better husband.
QUICKLY. That's my master, Master Doctor.
ANNE. Alas, I had rather be set quick i' th' earth.
And bowl'd to death with turnips.
MRS. PAGE. Come, trouble not yourself. Good Master
Fenton,
I will not be your friend, nor enemy;
My daughter will I question how she loves you,
And as I find her, so am I affected;
Till then,
farewell, sir; she must needs go in;
Her father will be angry.
FENTON. Farewell, gentle
mistress;
farewell, Nan.
Exeunt MRS. PAGE and ANNE
QUICKLY. This is my doing now: 'Nay,' said I 'will you cast
away your child on a fool, and a
physician? Look on
Master Fenton.' This is my doing.
FENTON. I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night
Give my sweet Nan this ring. There's for thy pains.
QUICKLY. Now Heaven send thee good fortune! [Exit
FENTON] A kind heart he hath; a woman would run through
fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet I would my
master had Mistress Anne; or I would Master Slender had
her; or, in sooth, I would Master Fenton had her; I will
do what I can for them all three, for so I have promis'd,
and I'll be as good as my word; but speciously for Master
Fenton. Well, I must of another
errand to Sir John Falstaff
from my two
mistresses. What a beast am I to slack it!
Exit
SCENE 5.
The Garter Inn
Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH
FALSTAFF. Bardolph, I say!
BARDOLPH. Here, sir.
FALSTAFF. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in 't.
Exit BARDOLPH
Have I liv'd to be carried in a basket, like a barrow of
butcher's offal, and to be thrown in the Thames? Well, if
I be serv'd such another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out
and butter'd, and give them to a dog for a new-year's gift.
The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse
as they would have drown'd a blind bitch's puppies, fifteen
i' th'
litter; and you may know by my size that I have
a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as
hell I should down. I had been drown'd but that the shore
was shelvy and
shallow-a death that I abhor; for the water
swells a man; and what a thing should I have been when
had been swell'd! I should have been a mountain of
mummy.
Re-enter BARDOLPH, with sack
BARDOLPH. Here's Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you
FALSTAFF. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames
water; for my belly's as cold as if I had swallow'd
snowballs for pills to cool the reins. Call her in.
BARDOLPH. Come in, woman.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY
QUICKLY. By your leave; I cry you mercy. Give your
worship good morrow.
FALSTAFF. Take away these chalices. Go, brew me a pottle
of sack finely.
BARDOLPH. With eggs, sir?
FALSTAFF. Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my
brewage. [Exit BARDOLPH] How now!
QUICKLY. Marry, sir, I come to your
worship from Mistress
Ford.
FALSTAFF. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough; I was
thrown into the ford; I have my belly full of ford.
QUICKLY. Alas the day, good heart, that was not her fault!
She does so take on with her men; they mistook their
erection.
FALSTAFF. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's
promise.
QUICKLY. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn
your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning
a-birding; she desires you once more to come to her between
eight and nine; I must carry her word quickly. She'll make
you
amends, I
warrant you.
FALSTAFF. Well, I Will visit her. Tell her so; and bid her
think what a man is. Let her consider his
frailty, and then
judge of my merit.
QUICKLY. I will tell her.
FALSTAFF. Do so. Between nine and ten, say'st thou?
QUICKLY. Eight and nine, sir.
FALSTAFF. Well, be gone; I will not miss her.
QUICKLY. Peace be with you, sir. Exit
FALSTAFF. I
marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me
word to stay within. I like his money well. O, here he
comes.
Enter FORD disguised
FORD. Bless you, sir!
FALSTAFF. Now, Master Brook, you come to know what
hath pass'd between me and Ford's wife?
FORD. That, indeed, Sir John, is my business.
FALSTAFF. Master Brook, I will not lie to you; I was at her
house the hour she appointed me.
FORD. And sped you, sir?
FALSTAFF. Very ill-favouredly, Master Brook.
FORD. How so, sir; did she change her
determination?