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MRS. FORD. He will seek there, on my word. Neither press,

coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an abstract for
the remembrance of such places, and goes to them by his

note. There is no hiding you in the house.
FALSTAFF. I'll go out then.

MRS. PAGE. If you go out in your own semblance, you die,
Sir John. Unless you go out disguis'd.

MRS. FORD. How might we disguise him?
MRS. PAGE. Alas the day, I know not! There is no woman's

gown big enough for him; otherwise he might put on a
hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape.

FALSTAFF. Good hearts, devise something; any extremity
rather than a mischief.

MRS. FORD. My Maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brainford, has
a gown above.

MRS. PAGE. On my word, it will serve him; she's as big as he
is; and there's her thrumm'd hat, and her muffler too. Run

up, Sir John.
MRS. FORD. Go, go, sweet Sir John. Mistress Page and I will

look some linen for your head.
MRS. PAGE. Quick, quick; we'll come dress you straight. Put

on the gown the while. Exit FALSTAFF
MRS. FORD. I would my husband would meet him in this

shape; he cannot abide the old woman of Brainford; he
swears she's a witch, forbade her my house, and hath

threat'ned to beat her.
MRS. PAGE. Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel; and

the devil guide his cudgel afterwards!
MRS. FORD. But is my husband coming?

MRS. PAGE. Ay, in good sadness is he; and talks of the basket
too, howsoever he hath had intelligence.

MRS. FORD. We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry
the basket again, to meet him at the door with it as they

did last time.
MRS. PAGE. Nay, but he'll be here presently; let's go dress

him like the witch of Brainford.
MRS. FORD. I'll first direct my men what they shall do with

the basket. Go up; I'll bring linen for him straight. Exit
MRS. PAGE. Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse

him enough.
We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do,

Wives may be merry and yet honest too.
We do not act that often jest and laugh;

'Tis old but true: Still swine eats all the draff. Exit
Re-enter MISTRESS FORD, with two SERVANTS

MRS. FORD. Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders;
your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it down, obey

him; quickly, dispatch. Exit
FIRST SERVANT. Come, come, take it up.

SECOND SERVANT. Pray heaven it be not full of knight again.
FIRST SERVANT. I hope not; I had lief as bear so much lead.

Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS
FORD. Ay, but if it prove true, Master Page, have you any

way then to unfool me again? Set down the basket, villain!
Somebody call my wife. Youth in a basket! O you panderly

rascals, there's a knot, a ging, a pack, a conspiracy
against me. Now shall the devil be sham'd. What, wife, I

say! Come, come forth; behold what honest clothes you
send forth to bleaching.

PAGE. Why, this passes, Master Ford; you are not to go loose
any longer; you must be pinion'd.

EVANS. Why, this is lunatics. This is mad as a mad dog.
SHALLOW. Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed.

FORD. So say I too, sir.
Re-enter MISTRESS FORD

Come hither, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford, the honest
woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that hath

the jealous fool to her husband! I suspect without cause,
Mistress, do I?

MRS. FORD. Heaven be my witness, you do, if you suspect
me in any dishonesty.

FORD. Well said, brazen-face; hold it out. Come forth, sirrah.
[Pulling clothes out of the basket]

PAGE. This passes!
MRS. FORD. Are you not asham'd? Let the clothes alone.

FORD. I shall find you anon.
EVANS. 'Tis unreasonable. Will you take up your wife's

clothes? Come away.
FORD. Empty the basket, I say.

MRS. FORD. Why, man, why?
FORD. Master Page, as I am a man, there was one convey'd

out of my house yesterday in this basket. Why may not
he be there again? In my house I am sure he is; my

intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable.
Pluck me out all the linen.

MRS. FORD. If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's
death.

PAGE. Here's no man.
SHALLOW. By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford; this

wrongs you.
EVANS. Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the

imaginations of your own heart; this is jealousies.
FORD. Well, he's not here I seek for.

PAGE. No, nor nowhere else but in your brain.
FORD. Help to search my house this one time. If I find not

what I seek, show no colour for my extremity; let me for
ever be your table sport; let them say of me 'As jealous as

Ford, that search'd a hollow walnut for his wife's leman.'
Satisfy me once more; once more search with me.

MRS. FORD. What, hoa, Mistress Page! Come you and the old
woman down; my husband will come into the chamber.

FORD. Old woman? what old woman's that?
MRS. FORD. Why, it is my maid's aunt of Brainford.

FORD. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not
forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? We

are simple men; we do not know what's brought to pass
under the profession of fortune-telling. She works by

charms, by spells, by th' figure, and such daub'ry as this
is, beyond our element. We know nothing. Come down, you

witch, you hag you; come down, I say.
MRS. FORD. Nay, good sweet husband! Good gentlemen, let

him not strike the old woman.
Re-enter FALSTAFF in woman's clothes, and MISTRESS PAGE

MRS. PAGE. Come, Mother Prat; come. give me your hand.
FORD. I'll prat her. [Beating him] Out of my door, you

witch, you hag, you. baggage, you polecat, you ronyon!
Out, out! I'll conjure you, I'll fortune-tell you.

Exit FALSTAFF
MRS. PAGE. Are you not asham'd? I think you have kill'd the

poor woman.
MRS. FORD. Nay, he will do it. 'Tis a goodly credit for you.

FORD. Hang her, witch!
EVANS. By yea and no, I think the oman is a witch indeed; I

like not when a oman has a great peard; I spy a great peard
under his muffler.

FORD. Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you follow;
see but the issue of my jealousy; if I cry out thus upon no

trail, never trust me when I open again.
PAGE. Let's obey his humour a little further. Come,

gentlemen. Exeunt all but MRS. FORD and MRS. PAGE
MRS. PAGE. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully.

MRS. FORD. Nay, by th' mass, that he did not; he beat him
most unpitifully methought.

MRS. PAGE. I'll have the cudgel hallow'd and hung o'er the
altar; it hath done meritorious service.

MRS. FORD. What think you? May we, with the warrant of
womanhood and the witness of a good conscience, pursue

him with any further revenge?
MRS. PAGE. The spirit of wantonness is sure scar'd out of

him; if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with fine and
recovery, he will never, I think, in the way of waste,

attempt us again.
MRS. FORD. Shall we tell our husbands how we have serv'd

him?
MRS. PAGE. Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the

figures out of your husband's brains. If they can find in their
hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight shall be any further

afflicted, we two will still be the ministers.
MRS. FORD. I'll warrant they'll have him publicly sham'd;

and methinks there would be no period to the jest, should
he not be publicly sham'd.

MRS. PAGE. Come, to the forge with it then; shape it. I
would not have things cool. Exeunt

SCENE 3.
The Garter Inn

Enter HOST and BARDOLPH
BARDOLPH. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your

horses; the Duke himself will be to-morrow at court, and
they are going to meet him.

HOST. What duke should that be comes so secretly? I hear
not of him in the court. Let me speak with the gentlemen;

they speak English?
BARDOLPH. Ay, sir; I'll call them to you.

HOST. They shall have my horses, but I'll make them pay;
I'll sauce them; they have had my house a week at

command; I have turn'd away my other guests. They must
come off; I'll sauce them. Come. Exeunt

SCENE 4
FORD'S house

Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and
SIR HUGH EVANS

EVANS. 'Tis one of the best discretions of a oman as ever
did look upon.

PAGE. And did he send you both these letters at an instant?
MRS. PAGE. Within a quarter of an hour.

FORD. Pardon me, wife. Henceforth, do what thou wilt;
I rather will suspect the sun with cold

Than thee with wantonness. Now doth thy honour stand,
In him that was of late an heretic,

As firm as faith.
PAGE. 'Tis well, 'tis well; no more.

Be not as extreme in submission as in offence;
But let our plot go forward. Let our wives

Yet once again, to make us public sport,
Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow,

Where we may take him and disgrace him for it.
FORD. There is no better way than that they spoke of.

PAGE. How? To send him word they'll meet him in the Park
at midnight? Fie, fie! he'll never come!

EVANS. You say he has been thrown in the rivers; and has
been grievously peaten as an old oman; methinks there

should be terrors in him, that he should not come;
methinks his flesh is punish'd; he shall have no desires.

PAGE. So think I too.
MRS. FORD. Devise but how you'll use him when he comes,

And let us two devise to bring him thither.
MRS. PAGE. There is an old tale goes that Heme the Hunter,

Sometime a keeper here in Windsor Forest,
Doth all the winter-time, at still midnight,

Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd horns;
And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle,



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