Options,
by O. Henry
CONTENTS
"The Rose of Dixie"
The Third Ingredient
The Hiding of Black Bill
Schools and Schools
Thimble, Thimble
Supply and Demand
Buried Treasure
To Him Who Waits
He Also Serves
The Moment of Victory
The Head-Hunter
No Story
The Higher Pragmatism
Best-Seller
Rus in Urbe
A Poor Rule
OPTIONS
"THE ROSE OF DIXIE"
When The Rose of Dixie magazine was started by a stock company in
Toombs City, Georgia, there was never but one
candidate for its chief
editorial position in the minds of its owners. Col. Aquila Telfair
was the man for the place. By all the rights of
learning, family,
reputation, and Southern traditions, he was its foreordained, fit, and
logical editor. So, a committee of the
patriotic Georgia citizens who
had subscribed the founding fund of $100,000 called upon Colonel
Telfair at his
residence, Cedar Heights,
fearful lest the enterprise
and the South should suffer by his possible refusal.
The
colonel received them in his great library, where he spent most of
his days. The library had descended to him from his father. It
contained ten thousand volumes, some of which had been published as
late as the year 1861. When the deputation arrived, Colonel Telfair
was seated at his
massive white-pine centre-table,
reading Burton's
Anatomy of Melancholy. He arose and shook hands punctiliously with
each member of the committee. If you were familiar with The Rose of
Dixie you will remember the
colonel's
portrait, which appeared in it
from time to time. You could not forget the long, carefully brushed
white hair; the
hooked, high-bridged nose,
slightly twisted to the
left; the keen eyes under the still black eyebrows; the
classic mouth
beneath the drooping white
mustache,
slightly frazzled at the ends.
The committee solicitously offered him the position of managing
editor,
humbly presenting an
outline of the field that the
publicationwas designed to cover and mentioning a comfortable salary. The
colonel's lands were growing poorer each year and were much cut up by
red gullies. Besides, the honor was not one to be refused.
In a forty-minute speech of
acceptance, Colonel Telfair gave an
outline of English
literature from Chaucer to Macaulay, re-fought the
battle of Chancellorsville, and said that, God helping him, he would
so conduct The Rose of Dixie that its
fragrance and beauty would
permeate the entire world, hurling back into the teeth of the Northern
minions their
belief that no
genius or good could exist in the brains
and hearts of the people whose property they had destroyed and whose
rights they had curtailed.
Offices for the magazine were partitioned off and furnished in the
second floor of the First National Bank building; and it was for the
colonel to cause The Rose of Dixie to
blossom and
flourish or to wilt
in the balmy air of the land of flowers.
The staff of
assistants and contributors that Editor-Colonel Telfair
drew about him was a peach. It was a whole crate of Georgia peaches.
The first
assistant editor, Tolliver Lee Fairfax, had had a father
killed during Pickett's
charge. The second
assistant, Keats Unthank,
was the
nephew of one of Morgan's Raiders. The book reviewer, Jackson
Rockingham, had been the youngest soldier in the Confederate army,
having appeared on the field of battle with a sword in one hand and a
milk-bottle in the other. The art editor, Roncesvalles Sykes, was a
third cousin to a
nephew of Jefferson Davis. Miss Lavinia Terhune,
the
colonel's
stenographer and
typewriter, had an aunt who had once
been kissed by Stonewall Jackson. Tommy Webster, the head office-boy,
got his job by having recited Father Ryan's poems, complete, at the
commencement exercises of the Toombs City High School. The girls who
wrapped and addressed the magazines were members of old Southern
families in Reduced Circumstances. The
cashier was a scrub named
Hawkins, from Ann Arbor, Michigan, who had recommendations and a bond
from a
guarantee company filed with the owners. Even Georgia stock
companies sometimes realize that it takes live ones to bury the dead.
Well, sir, if you believe me, The Rose of Dixie
blossomed five times
before anybody heard of it except the people who buy their hooks and
eyes in Toombs City. Then Hawkins climbed off his stool and told on
'em to the stock company. Even in Ann Arbor he had been used to
having his business propositions heard of at least as far away as
Detroit. So an
advertisingmanager was engaged -- Beauregard Fitzhugh
Banks, a young man in a
lavendernecktie, whose
grandfather had been
the Exalted High Pillow-slip of the Kuklux Klan.
In spite of which The Rose of Dixie kept coming out every month.
Although in every issue it ran photos of either the Taj Mahal or the
Luxembourg Gardens, or Carmencita or La Follette, a certain number of
people bought it and subscribed for it. As a boom for it, Editor-
Colonel Telfair ran three different views of Andrew Jackson's old
home, "The Hermitage," a full-page
engraving of the second battle of
Manassas, entitled "Lee to the Rear!" and a five-thousand-word
biography of Belle Boyd in the same number. The
subscription list
that month
advanced 118. Also there were poems in the same issue by
Leonina Vashti Haricot (pen-name),
related to the Haricots of
Charleston, South Carolina, and Bill Thompson,
nephew of one of the
stockholders. And an article from a special society correspondent
describing a tea-party given by the swell Boston and English set,
where a lot of tea was spilled
overboard by some of the guests
masquerading as Indians.
One day a person whose
breath would easily cloud a mirror, he was so
much alive, entered the office of The Rose of Dixie. He was a man
about the size of a real-estate agent, with a self-tied tie and a
manner that he must have borrowed conjointly from W J. Bryan,
Hackenschmidt, and Hetty Green. He was shown into the editor-
colonel's pons asinorum. Colonel Telfair rose and began a Prince
Albert bow.
"I'm Thacker," said the
intruder,
taking the editor's chair--"T. T.
Thacker, of New York."
He dribbled
hastily upon the
colonel's desk some cards, a bulky manila
envelope, and a letter from the owners of The Rose of Dixie. This
letter introduced Mr. Thacker, and
politely requested Colonel Telfair
to give him a
conference and
whatever information about the magazine
he might desire.
"I've been
corresponding with the secretary of the magazine owners for
some time," said Thacker,
briskly. "I'm a practical magazine man
myself, and a
circulation booster as good as any, if I do say it.
I'll
guarantee an increase of
anywhere from ten thousand to a hundred
thousand a year for any
publication that isn't printed in a dead
language. I've had my eye on The Rose of Dixie ever since it started.
I know every end of the business from editing to
setting up the
classified ads. Now, I've come down here to put a good bunch of money
in the magazine, if I can see my way clear. It ought to be made to
pay. The secretary tells me it's losing money. I don't see why a
magazine in the South, if it's
properly handled, shouldn't get a
good
circulation in the North, too.
"Colonel Telfair leaned back in his chair and polished his gold-rimmed
glasses.
"Mr. Thacker," said he,
courteously but
firmly, "The Rose of Dixie is
a
publicationdevoted to the fostering and the voicing of Southern
genius. Its watchword, which you may have seen on the cover, is 'Of,