"He giveth his Beloved sleep."
These words irradiated and soothed him quite miraculously, the
clouds of doubt seemed to
dissolve and
vanish and leave him safe
and calm under a clear sky; he knew those words were a promise,
and very
speedily he fell asleep and slept until he was called.
But the next day was a troubled one. Whippham had muddled his
timetable and
crowded his afternoon; the strike of the transport
workers had begun, and the ugly noises they made at the tramway
depot, where they were booing some one, penetrated into the
palace. He had to
snatch a meal between services, and the sense
of hurry invaded his afternoon lectures to the candidates. He
hated hurry in Ember week. His ideal was one of quiet serenity,
of grave things said slowly, of still, kneeling figures, of a
sort of dark cool
spiritual germination. But what sort of dark
cool
spiritual germination is possible with an ass like Whippham
about?
In the fresh courage of the morning the
bishop had arranged for
that talk with Eleanor he had already deferred too long, and this
had proved less
satisfactory than he had intended it to be.
The
bishop's experience with the ordination candidates was
following the usual course. Before they came there was something
bordering upon distaste for the coming
invasion; then always
there was an effect of surprise at the youth and faith of the
neophytes and a real
response of the spirit to the occasion.
Throughout the first twenty-four hours they were all simply
neophytes, without
individuality to break up their
uniformity of
self-devotion. Then afterwards they began to develop little
personal traits, and scarcely ever were these
pleasing traits.
Always one or two of them would begin haunting the
bishop, giving
way to an
appetite for special words, special recognitions. He
knew the expression of that
craving on their faces. He knew the
way-laying
movements in room and passage that
presently began.
This time in particular there was a
freckled underbred young
man who handed in what was
evidently a carefully prepared
memorandum upon what he called "my positions." Apparently he had
a muddle of doubts about the early fathers and the dates of the
earlier
authentic copies of the gospels, things of no conceivable
significance.
The
bishop glanced through this bale of papers--it had of
course no index and no synopsis, and some of the pages were not
numbered--handed it over to Whippham, and when he proved, as
usual, a broken reed, the
bishop had the
brilliant idea of
referring the young man to Canon Bliss (of Pringle), "who has a
special knowledge quite beyond my own in this field."
But he knew from the young man's eye even as he said this that
it was not going to put him off for more than a day or so.
The immediate result of glancing over these papers was,
however, to
enhance in the
bishop's mind a growing
disposition to
minimize the importance of all dated and explicit evidences and
arguments for
orthodox beliefs, and to
resort to vague symbolic
and
liberal interpretations, and it was in this state that he
came to his talk with Eleanor.
He did not give her much time to develop her objections. He met
her half way and stated them for her, and overwhelmed her with
sympathy and understanding. She had been "too literal." "Too
literal" was his keynote. He was a little astonished at the
liberality of his own views. He had been getting along now for
some years without looking into his own opinions too closely and
he was by no means prepared to discover how far he had come to
meet his daughter's scepticisms. But he did meet them. He met
them so
thoroughly that he almost conveyed that hers was a
needlessly
conservative and oldfashioned attitude.
Occasionally he felt he was being a little evasive, but she did
not seem to notice it. As she took his drift, her
relief and
happiness were
manifest. And he had never noticed before how
clear and pretty her eyes were; they were the most honest eyes he
had ever seen. She looked at him very
steadily as he explained,
and lit up at his points. She brightened
wonderfully as she
realized that after all they were not apart, they had not
differed; simply they had misunderstood....
And before he knew where he was, and in a mere parenthetical
declaration of
liberality, he surprised himself by conceding her
demand for Newnham even before she had
repeated it. It helped his
case
wonderfully.
"Call in every
exteriorwitness you can. The church will
welcome them.... No, I want you to go, my dear...."
But his mind was stirred again to its depths by this
discussion. And in particular he was surprised and a little
puzzled by this Newnham
concession and the necessity of making
his new attitude clear to Lady Ella....
It was with a sense of fatality that he found himself awake
again that night, like some one lying drowned and still and yet
perfectly
conscious at the bottom of deep cold water.
He
repeated, "He giveth his Beloved sleep," but all the
conviction had gone out of the words.
(4)
Neither the
bishop's insomnia nor his incertitudes about
himself and his faith developed in a simple and
orderly manner.
There were periods of sustained
suffering and periods of
recovery; it was not for a year or so that he regarded these
troubles as more than acute
incidental interruptions of his
general tranquillity or realized that he was passing into a new
phase of life and into a new quality of thought. He told every
one of the insomnia and no one of his doubts; these he betrayed
only by an increasing
tendency towards vagueness, symbolism,
poetry and toleration. Eleanor seemed satisfied with his
exposition; she did not press for further enlightenment. She
continued all her
outward conformities except that after a time
she ceased to
communicate; and in September she went away to
Newnham. Her doubts had not visibly
affected Clementina or her
other sisters, and the
bishop made no further attempts to explore
the
spiritual life of his family below the surface of its formal
acquiescence.
As a matter of fact his own
spiritual wrestlings were almost
exclusively nocturnal. During his spells of insomnia he led a
curiously double
existence. In the
daytime he was largely the
self he had always been, able,
assured,
ecclesiastical, except
that he was a little jaded and
irritable or
sleepy instead of
being quick and bright; he believed in God and the church and the
Royal Family and himself
securely; in the wakeful night time he
experienced a different and novel self, a bare-minded self,
bleakly
fearless at its best, shamelessly weak at its worst,
critical, sceptical, joyless,
anxious. The
anxiety was quite the
worst element of all. Something sat by his pillow asking grey
questions: "What are you doing? Where are you going? Is it really
well with the children? Is it really well with the church? Is it
really well with the country? Are you indeed doing anything at
all? Are you anything more than an actor wearing a
costume in an
archaic play? The people turn their backs on you."
He would twist over on his pillow. He would
whisper hymns and
prayers that had the quality of charms.
"He giveth his Beloved sleep"; that answered many times, and
many times it failed.
The labour troubles of 1912 eased off as the year wore on, and
the
bitterness of the local press over the palace abated very
considerably. Indeed there was something like a
watery gleam of
popularity when he brought down his
consistent friend, the dear
old Princess Christiana of Hoch and Unter, black bonnet,
deafness, and all, to open a new wing of the children's hospital.
The Princhester
conservative paper took the occasion to inform
the diocese that he was a fluent German
scholar and consequently
a persona grata with the royal aunts, and that the Princess
Christiana was merely just one of a number of royalties now
practically at the beck and call of Princhester. It was not true,
but it was very
effective locally, and seemed to justify a little
the hauteur of which Lady Ella was so unjustly suspected. Yet it
involved a
possibility of disappointments in the future.