the weakness of what he was defending. There was nothing to

defend.
"But if that is so," he said to himself, "and i am leaving

this life with the consciousness that I have lost all that was
given me and it is impossible to rectify it -- what then?"

He lay on his back and began to pass his life in review in
quite a new way. In the morning when he saw first his footman,

then his wife, then his daughter, and then the doctor, their every
word and movement confirmed to him the awful truth that had been

revealed to him during the night. In them he saw himself -- all
that for which he had lived -- and saw clearly that it was not real

at all, but a terrible and huge deception which had hidden both
life and death. This consciousness intensified his physical

suffering tenfold. He groaned and tossed about, and pulled at his
clothing which choked and stifled him. And he hated them on that

account.
He was given a large dose of opium and became unconscious, but

at noon his sufferings began again. He drove everybody away and
tossed from side to side.

His wife came to him and said:
"Jean, my dear, do this for me. It can't do any harm and

often helps. Healthy people often do it."
He opened his eyes wide.

"What? Take communion? Why? It's unnecessary! However..."
She began to cry.

"Yes, do, my dear. I'll send for our priest. He is such a
nice man."

"All right. Very well," he muttered.
When the priest came and heard his confession, Ivan Ilych was

softened and seemed to feel a relief from his doubts and
consequently from his sufferings, and for a moment there came a ray

of hope. He again began to think of the vermiform appendix and the
possibility of correcting it. He received the sacrament with tears

in his eyes.
When they laid him down again afterwards he felt a moment's

ease, and the hope that he might live awoke in him again. He began
to think of the operation that had been suggested to him. "To

live! I want to live!" he said to himself.
His wife came in to congratulate him after his communion, and

when uttering the usual conventional words she added:
"You feel better, don't you?"

Without looking at her he said "Yes."
Her dress, her figure, the expression of her face, the tone of

her voice, all revealed the same thing. "This is wrong, it is not
as it should be. All you have lived for and still live for is

falsehood and deception, hiding life and death from you." And as
soon as he admitted that thought, his hatred and his agonizing

physical suffering again sprang up, and with that suffering a
consciousness of the unavoidable, approaching end. And to this was

added a new sensation of grinding shooting pain and a feeling of
suffocation.

The expression of his face when he uttered that "Yes" was
dreadful. Having uttered it, he looked her straight in the eyes,

turned on his face with a rapidityextraordinary in his weak state
and shouted:

"Go away! Go away and leave me alone!"
XII

From that moment the screaming began that continued for three
days, and was so terrible that one could not hear it through two

closed doors without horror. At the moment he answered his wife
realized that he was lost, that there was no return, that the end

had come, the very end, and his doubts were still unsolved and
remained doubts.

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" he cried in various intonations. he had begun
by screaming "I won't!" and continued screaming on the letter "O".

For three whole days, during which time did not exist for him,
he struggled in that black sack into which he was being thrust by

an invisible, resistless force. He struggled as a man condemned to
death struggles in the hands of the executioner, knowing that he

cannot save himself. And every moment he felt that despite all his
efforts he was drawing nearer and nearer to what terrified him. he

felt that his agony was due to his being thrust into that black
hole and still more to his not being able to get right into it. He

was hindered from getting into it by his conviction that his life
had been a good one. That very justification of his life held him

fast and prevented his moving forward, and it caused him most
torment of all.

Suddenly some force struck him in the chest and side, making
it still harder to breathe, and he fell through the hole and there

at the bottom was a light. What had happened to him was like the
sensation one sometimes experiences in a railway carriage when one

thinks one is going backwards while one is really going forwards
and suddenly becomes aware of the real direction.

"Yes, it was not the right thing," he said to himself, "but
that's no matter. It can be done. But what *is* the right thing?

he asked himself, and suddenly grew quiet.
This occurred at the end of the third day, two hours before

his death. Just then his schoolboy son had crept softly in and
gone up to the bedside. The dying man was still screaming

desperately and waving his arms. His hand fell on the boy's head,
and the boy caught it, pressed it to his lips, and began to cry.

At that very moment Ivan Ilych fell through and caught sight
of the light, and it was revealed to him that though his life had

not been what it should have been, this could still be rectified.
He asked himself, "What *is* the right thing?" and grew still,

listening. Then he felt that someone was kissing his hand. He
opened his eyes, looked at his son, and felt sorry for him. His

wife camp up to him and he glanced at her. She was gazing at him
open-mouthed, with undried tears on her nose and cheek and a

despairing look on her face. He felt sorry for her too.
"Yes, I am making them wretched," he thought. "They are

sorry, but it will be better for them when I die." He wished to
say this but had not the strength to utter it. "Besides, why

speak? I must act," he thought. with a look at his wife he
indicated his son and said: "Take him away...sorry for him...sorry

for you too...." He tried to add, "Forgive me," but said "Forego"
and waved his hand, knowing that He whose understanding mattered

would understand.
And suddenly it grew clear to him that what had been

oppressing him and would not leave his was all dropping away at
once from two sides, from ten sides, and from all sides. He was

sorry for them, he must act so as not to hurt them: release them
and free himself from these sufferings. "How good and how simple!"

he thought. "And the pain?" he asked himself. "What has become of
it? Where are you, pain?"

He turned his attention to it.
"Yes, here it is. Well, what of it? Let the pain be."

"And death...where is it?"
He sought his former accustomed fear of death and did not find

it. "Where is it? What death?" There was no fear because there
was no death.

In place of death there was light.
"So that's what it is!" he suddenly exclaimed aloud. "What

joy!"
To him all this happened in a single instant, and the meaning

of that instant did not change. For those present his agony
continued for another two hours. Something rattled in his throat,

his emaciated body twitched, then the gasping and rattle became
less and less frequent.

"It is finished!" said someone near him.
He heard these words and repeated them in his soul.

"Death is finished," he said to himself. "It is no more!"
He drew in a breath, stopped in the midst of a sigh, stretched

out, and died.
End

• weakness [´wi:knis] n.虚弱；弱点，缺点 (初中英语单词)
• review [ri´vju:] v.&n.复习；回顾；检查 (初中英语单词)
• movement [´mu:vmənt] n.活动；运动；动作 (初中英语单词)
• hidden [´hid(ə)n] hide 的过去分词 (初中英语单词)
• healthy [´helθi] a.健康的 (初中英语单词)
• priest [pri:st] n.教士；牧师；神父 (初中英语单词)
• relief [ri´li:f] n.救济；援救；减轻 (初中英语单词)
• hatred [´heitrid] n.憎恨，敌意 (初中英语单词)
• suffering [´sʌfəriŋ] n.痛苦；灾害 (初中英语单词)
• sprang [spræŋ] spring 的过去式 (初中英语单词)
• sensation [sen´seiʃən] n.感觉；轰动；轰动一时 (初中英语单词)
• extraordinary [ik´strɔ:dinəri] a.非常的；额外的 (初中英语单词)
• horror [´hɔrə] n.恐怖；战栗 (初中英语单词)
• thrust [θrʌst] v.&n.猛推；冲；刺；挤进 (初中英语单词)
• invisible [in´vizəbəl] a.看不见的；无形的 (初中英语单词)
• knowing [´nəuiŋ] a.会意的，心照不宣的 (初中英语单词)
• despite [di´spait] prep.尽管 (初中英语单词)
• conviction [kən´vikʃən] n.定罪；确信，信服 (初中英语单词)
• carriage [´kæridʒ] n.马车；客车；货运 (初中英语单词)
• softly [´sɔftli] ad.软化地；柔和地 (初中英语单词)
• release [ri´li:s] vt&n.释放；放松；赦免 (初中英语单词)
• instant [´instənt] a.立即的 n.紧迫；瞬间 (初中英语单词)
• rattle [´rætl] n.嘎吱声 (初中英语单词)
• breath [breθ] n.呼吸；气息 (初中英语单词)
• consciousness [´kɔnʃəsnis] n.意识；觉悟；知觉 (高中英语单词)
• unconscious [ʌn´kɔnʃəs] a.无意识的；不觉察的 (高中英语单词)
• confession [kən´feʃən] n.招供；认错；交待 (高中英语单词)
• congratulate [kən´grætjuleit] vt.祝贺 (高中英语单词)
• repeated [ri´pi:tid] a.反复的；重复的 (高中英语单词)
• communion [kə´mju:niən] n.共享；交流；圣餐 (英语四级单词)
• appendix [ə´pendiks] n.附录；阑尾 (英语四级单词)
• conventional [kən´venʃənəl] a.常规的；协定的 (英语四级单词)
• rapidity [rə´piditi] n.迅速；险峻；陡 (英语四级单词)
• drawing [´drɔ:iŋ] n.画图；制图；图样 (英语四级单词)
• bedside [´bedsaid] n.床边 a.护理的 (英语四级单词)
• deception [di´sepʃən] n.欺骗，诈骗；骗术 (英语六级单词)
• justification [,dʒʌstifi´keiʃən] n.辩护；根据；缘故 (英语六级单词)
• backwards [´bækwədz] ad.向后 a.向后的 (英语六级单词)