Lars Dalgaard used to act like a jerk at work. As a young manager rising through the ranks years ago at a consumer-products company, he was so brutally blunt with subordinates that a coach pulled him aside and told him to be more considerate, says Mr. Dalgaard, founder and chief executive of SuccessFactors, a San Mateo, Calif.-based software company.

He has since realized that an old family pattern was at work, he says. His father was so tough and blunt with him when he was small that he was behaving the same way with others, trying to be 'the hero CEO, the Rambo' who ignored people's feelings. Now that he is conscious of the problem, he says he has changed his ways. He has even instituted a 'no-jerks' policy at his company, banning similar behavior by others.

We have all worked with at least one office pain in the neck, someone whose irritating and unfathomable behavior annoys co-workers and wrecks teamwork. These foibles often persist beyond reason because they are so deep-rooted, having been learned in the families of people's childhoods. Amid a growing focus on workplace quality, some managers and coaches are now using new techniques to identify the childhood origins of harmfulbehavior at work and then rout out those patterns through training or outright bans on bad behavior.

Sylvia LaFair, a White Haven, Pa., leadership coach and psychologist has identified 13 different patterns of office behavior -- and the family dynamics that likely shaped them. Among the types are the 'persecutor' who micromanages or abuses others. This person often grew up with abuse or neglect. The 'denier' pretends problems don't exist; this person may have grown up in a family where everyone feared facing unpleasant emotions. 'Avoiders' are aware of problems but won't talk about them. In a tense situation, their mantra is, 'Gotta go!' 'Avoiders' often grew up in judgmental families with weak emotional ties, Dr. LaFair says.

The 'super-achiever' is driven to excel at everything, breedingresentment by walking over other people. They were often called on in childhood to make up for family shame or tragedy. Another type, the 'martyr,' does his or her work and everybody else's too, but drives co-workers away by complaining, she says. The 'martyr' often had parents who gave up on their dreams for the child, triggering a repeat of the pattern. Dr. LaFair documents the various patterns in a 2009 book, 'Don't Bring It To Work.'

The first step toward defusing patterns of bad behavior is for everybody involved to become aware of them. But there are rules for raising the issue, Dr. LaFair says: Make truthful observations in simple sentences, without blaming or attacking the other person. Wait for it to sink in and listen carefully to the response. Ask questions. This can help your co-worker become conscious of how his or her bad behavior is affecting others -- the first step toward change.

I asked Dr. LaFair what I might have done in a situation I faced many years ago, when I had a boss who often yelled and ridiculed my and others' work. 'Figure out what you wish you could have said to him, that you weren't able to say at the time,' she says. For example, I might have said: 'When you yell like that, everything shuts down and I can't even think, let alone get any work done.' With luck, that might have initiated a conversation about how his behavior patterns were affecting all of us -- an effect I knew he didn't consciously want.

Ask yourself whether you are feeding into the office pain's behavior, Dr. LaFair says. If your boss is a persecutor, for example, are you playing the victim?

Employees can also band together to point out problems, says Robert Sutton, an author of a book on bad workplace behavior and a professor of management science and engineering at Stanford University. He says he's seen success when employees keep written records of co-workers behavior and detail the specific effects it has on the workplace.

Other employers raise awareness by issuing office-wide bans on bad behavior. Robert W. Baird & Co., Milwaukee, a financial-services firm, has a no jerks rule; Paul Purcell, chairman, president and chief executive, estimates he has fired more than 25 offenders in the past five years, including people who 'hurt and belittle other people,' or who put their own interests ahead of clients or the firm. When he speaks to groups of prospective recruits, he warns them: If you're a jerk, 'don't come, because we'll figure it out. It will be worse for you than it is for us.'

Typically, several listeners turn pale, he says, and he suspects that they're thinking, 'I wonder if I qualify.'

Conscious of his old patterns, SuccessFactors' Mr. Dalgaard says he works hard on building good relationships with employees. He goes out of his way to talk with people and welcome new employees. He asks people to be 'brutally honest' with him about how his behavior affects them, and apologizes for missteps. Posters about SuccessFactors' 'no-jerks' rule are hung throughout the workplace, Mr. Dalgaard says. The company has won awards as one of the best places to work in its region.

Sue Shellenbarger

• manager [´mænidʒə] n.经理；管理人；干事 (初中英语单词)
• executive [ig´zekjutiv] a.行政的 n.行政官 (初中英语单词)
• conscious [´kɔnʃəs] a.意识的；自觉的 (初中英语单词)
• identify [ai´dentifai] vt.认出；鉴定；验明 (初中英语单词)
• childhood [´tʃaildhud] n.幼年(时代)；早期 (初中英语单词)
• harmful [´hɑ:mful] a.有害的 (初中英语单词)
• neglect [ni´glekt] vt.&n.疏忽；忽视；忽略 (初中英语单词)
• everyone [´evriwʌn] pron.=everybody 每人 (初中英语单词)
• emotional [i´məuʃənəl] a.易动感情的；情感的 (初中英语单词)
• driven [´driv(ə)n] drive 的过去分词 (初中英语单词)
• tragedy [´trædʒidi] n.悲剧；惨案；灾难 (初中英语单词)
• management [´mænidʒmənt] n.管理；处理；经营 (初中英语单词)
• welcome [´welkəm] a.受欢迎的；可喜的 (初中英语单词)
• founder [´faundə] n.奠基者 v.陷落 (高中英语单词)
• behavior [bi´heiviə] n.举止，行为 (高中英语单词)
• persist [pə´sist] vi.坚持；固执；持续 (高中英语单词)
• learned [´lə:nid] a.有学问的，博学的 (高中英语单词)
• leadership [´li:dəʃip] n.领导(能力) (高中英语单词)
• unpleasant [ʌn´plezənt] a.不愉快的；不合意的 (高中英语单词)
• resentment [ri´zentmənt] n.不满；怨恨；忿恨 (高中英语单词)
• response [ri´spɔns] n.回答；响应 (高中英语单词)
• engineering [,endʒi´niəriŋ] n.工程技术；工程学 (高中英语单词)
• specific [spi´sifik] a.具体的；特有的 (高中英语单词)
• trying [´traiiŋ] a.难堪的；费劲的 (英语四级单词)
• policy [´pɔlisi] n.政策；权谋；保险单 (英语四级单词)
• breeding [´bri:diŋ] n.饲养，教养 (英语四级单词)
• prospective [prə´spektiv] a.预期的；未来的 (英语四级单词)
• considerate [kən´sidərit] a.考虑周到的；体谅的 (英语六级单词)
• psychologist [sai´kɔlədʒist] n.心理学家 (英语六级单词)
• truthful [´tru:θfəl] a.诚实的；真实的 (英语六级单词)