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共同进餐是伴侣之间最愉悦的事情

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When Kimberly Charles came back from a business trip to Italy last fall, she brought a five-ounce, $500 white truffle home with her. She showed it to her boyfriend, Killian MacGeraghty, and described how she would make fettuccine with butter-and-Robiolo cheese sauce and carefully shave the truffle on top.


伯利·查尔斯(Kimberly Charles)去年秋天从意大利出差归来时，带回家一块重五盎司、价值500美元的白松露。她把这块松露拿给男友基利恩·麦克杰拉蒂(Killian MacGeraghty)看，并说她打算如何用黄油和罗比奥罗(Robiolo)乳酪酱汁烹制宽条意面，再小心地片些松露放在上面。



Mr. MacGeraghty didn't share her enthusiasm. 'It smells like bat-wing dust,' he told her. 'I was a bit crestfallen,' says Ms. Charles, 48, the owner of a marketing firm in San Francisco.


麦克杰拉蒂并没有像她那样兴奋。他告诉她，"松露闻起来就像蝙蝠翅膀上的灰尘一样。"查尔斯说，"听到这话我有点沮丧。"48岁的查尔斯在旧金山经营一家营销公司。



Sharing meals is one of the most enjoyable things couples do together, a regularly scheduled time to relax, have an intimate conversation and recharge the relationship. But when one person is an adventurous eater and the other has simpler tastes, meal times are often divisive.


共同进餐是伴侣之间最愉悦的事情之一，是一段放松身心、亲密交谈，为双方关系充电的固定时间。但如果其中一人是爱挑战新口味的吃货，而另一个人对口味的要求比较简单，进餐时就常常会出现分歧。



Foodies can be exciting dinner partners, turning everyone around them on to new ingredients, wines and cuisines. But to people who don't share their passion, foodies also can seem intimidating, judgmental, even snobby. Meanwhile, non-foodies -- folks who know what they like to eat and see no reason to venture further -- can come across as timid, stubborn or, I hate to say it, boring.


与吃货共享佳肴会令人激动不已，他们带动周围所有人去品尝新的食材、美酒和菜肴。但对吃没那么热衷的人也可能会感觉吃货咄咄逼人、爱评头论足，甚至势利。而不热衷美食的人──他们知道自己爱吃什么，并且认为没必要尝试更多东西──给人的印象则是胆怯、固执，或者说得不好听一点就是无趣。



When a foodie and a non-foodie fall in love, cooking and eating aren't always a shared experience. 'Non-foodies feel left out or even judged, and foodies feel that an important part of them isn't fully understood,' says Drew Ramsey, a Manhattan psychiatrist, Columbia University professor of psychiatry and co-author of 'The Happiness Diet.' 'Unless they can bridge that gap, they run the risk of feeling that something is missing in the relationship,' he says.


吃货若是与非吃货相爱，两人在烹调和用餐方面不一定总能合拍。曼哈顿的精神病学家、哥伦比亚大学(Columbia University)精神病学教授、《幸福饮食》(The Happiness Diet)一书作者德鲁·拉姆齐(Drew Ramsey)说，"非吃货们感到自己受到冷落，甚至被扣上帽子，而吃货们则感觉自己个性中很重要的一部分没能被完全理解。"他说，"除非双方能弥合这种差距，否则可能会感觉到彼此关系中缺了点什么。"



Ms. Charles snuck bits of the truffle into Mr. MacGeraghty's rice and scrambled eggs. ('Did you taste that interesting, earthy note?' she asked him. Why yes, he did, he recalls. 'It's truffle!' she announced delightedly.)


查尔斯偷偷在麦克杰拉蒂的米饭和炒蛋里放了一点松露。（她问麦克杰拉蒂，"你有没有尝到有意思的土壤味道？麦克杰拉蒂回想了一下，确实如此。于是她愉快地宣布："是松露的味道！"）



A former sommelier who judges wine competitions, Ms. Charles can question the chef for 20 minutes before ordering at a restaurant. She has wine-tasting parties where everyone spits their wine into a bucket.


查尔斯曾做过品酒师，在竞赛中品鉴葡萄酒，她在餐馆点菜之前可以花上20分钟问大厨问题。她会办品酒派对，每个参加派对的人都会把口中的葡萄酒吐到一个桶里。



Mr. MacGeraghty, a 49-year-old singer and composer, says he is a 'meat and potatoes guy.' He doesn't spit out wine, but he has spit out food he doesn't like into his napkin. At dinner parties, he has claimed to want second helpings, taken his plate to the kitchen and dumped his first helping in the garbage. He says he finds Ms. Charles intimidating when she orders in French in restaurants.


49岁的麦克杰拉蒂是歌手兼作曲家，他说他是吃肉和土豆就能凑合的那种人。他不会把酒吐出来，但他曾把不喜欢吃的食物吐在餐巾上。在餐会上，他曾要求换菜，把他的餐盘拿到厨房，把原先那份倒进垃圾箱。他说他觉得查尔斯在餐馆里用法语点菜时很吓人。



Recently, the two met another couple for dinner at a popular new restaurant. Told there was a one-hour wait for a table, Mr. MacGeraghty suggested they go to the 'perfectly good restaurant' around the corner. 'What's more important,' he asked, 'the food or the good company?' His three companions answered in unison: 'The food.' They ended up waiting for the table.


最近，两人与另一对夫妇相约在一家新开的人气餐馆里聚餐。听说要一个小时才能等到位子后，麦克杰拉蒂建议大家去街角一家"好得没话说的餐馆"用餐。他问道，"什么最重要，是吃东西还是大家好好聚一聚？"他的三个同伴异口同声地说："吃东西。"结果他们继续等座。



The couple has learned other ways to compromise. Ms. Charles suggests he skip foodie events that seem too serious or snooty. Mr. MacGeraghty says he tries everything once and complains later.


两人还学会通过其他方式达成妥协。查尔斯建议麦克杰拉蒂不要参加感觉太严肃或太高傲的美食活动。麦克杰拉蒂说，他每样东西都会先品尝一下，然后再抱怨不好吃。



Cindy and Larry Rynning, of Wheaton, Ill., have no trouble eating together, but they part ways over what to drink. For a recent meal of salmon teriyaki, Ms. Rynning chose a slightly sweet Riesling. Mr. Rynning drank milk.


来自伊利诺伊州惠顿(Wheaton)的辛迪(Cindy)和拉里·林宁(Larry Rynning)能吃到一起，但在喝的方面则不太一致。最近两人在吃照烧三文鱼时，辛迪选择了略甜的雷司令(Riesling)，而林宁则喝牛奶。



Ms. Rynning, 58, an early-childhood special-ed teacher, likes wine's social aspects. She has taken wine classes, recently started a blog, and takes her husband to wine tastings. Mr. Rynning, a 56-year-old attorney, enjoys the wine tastings but prefers light beer.


58岁的辛迪从事婴幼儿特殊教育，她喜欢葡萄酒的社交意味。她参加了品酒课程，近期开了一个博客，还带她丈夫去品酒。56岁的林宁是一名律师，他喜欢品尝葡萄酒，但更爱喝淡味啤酒。



He thought it was hilarious when he recently learned that there are different glasses for different types of wine. When she encourages him to write down his thoughts about a vintage, he gives one of three designations: 'good,' 'pretty good' or 'don't like.' Then he clears his palate with beer.


林宁最近了解到不同种类的葡萄酒要配不同酒杯，他觉得很好笑。当辛迪鼓励他写下对某种葡萄酒的看法时，他会从以下三个评语中任选一个："好"、"不错"，或是"不喜欢"。然后他会喝啤酒清口。



'I spend a lot of time on details in my work,' Mr. Rynning says. 'For me to relax, I don't want to analyze and take notes.' Sometimes, Ms. Rynning says she wishes her husband would split a bottle of wine with her. 'It would be a sharing of something that I really like,' she says. He says he feels a little frustrated on those rare evenings when she gets a bit tipsy and goes to bed early. But they both agree on one thing: 'It works out well that I can be the designated driver,' he says.


林宁说，"我在工作中要花很多时间来关注细节，所以休息时我不想做分析和记东西。"辛迪说，她有时候希望丈夫能和自己分享一瓶葡萄酒。她说，"这是分享我真正喜欢的东西。" 而林宁则说，有那么几个晚上辛迪略有醉意，会早早睡觉，让他感到有点失意。但他说有一点两人都赞同，那就是："我能负责开车是很好的。"



Vera Sweeney, 34, co-owner of a company that manages several websites for women, says she eats 'like a child' -- that is, mostly chicken and pasta. Her husband, though, has eaten chicken hearts, sweetbreads, frog's legs, escargot and goat. 'And of course he doesn't just eat it,' says Ms. Sweeney, who lives with him in Garden City, N.Y. 'He has to eat it in my face.'


34岁的薇拉·斯威尼(Vera Sweeney)与人合伙经营一家女性网站管理公司，她说她吃得"和小朋友差不多"──也就是说，她主要吃鸡和意大利面。而她的丈夫则吃过鸡心、牛羊杂碎、青蛙腿、蜗牛和山羊肉。与丈夫一起住在纽约州加登城(Garden City)的薇拉说，"当然，他不仅仅是吃这些东西，而且是当着我的面吃。"



She has set some rules: No Indian food. No fish. No fajitas (she hates the way they smell). And she doesn't want to be nagged to try new things. 'He needs to let me be my boring self,' she says. Ms. Sweeney cooks chicken for dinner most nights. but they also go to restaurants Ms. Sweeney likes: American, Italian, Chinese, Greek, Turkish, Moroccan. When they try a new place, they call ahead to make sure roast chicken is on the menu.


她定下了一些规矩：不吃印度菜。不吃鱼。不吃墨西哥烤肉卷饼（她讨厌它们的气味）。她也不喜欢别人劝她试吃新东西。她说，"在吃的方面我就是个无趣的人，他必须能包容。"薇拉大多数时候会用鸡肉做晚餐，但夫妻俩也会去薇拉喜欢的餐馆用餐，包括美国、意大利、中国、希腊、土耳其和摩洛哥餐馆。当他们想尝试新的馆子时，会事先打电话确定菜单上有烤鸡。



Bill Sweeney, 35, indulges his adventurous tastes at a social club he formed for men in his town. Each month, he picks a restaurant for them that his wife would never try -- sushi, Thai, Asian fusion, a pub with 100 craft beers on tap.


35岁的比尔·斯威尼(Bill Sweeney)为当地男性组织了一个社交俱乐部，他们会尝试各种美食。斯威尼每个月都会为他们挑选一家他妻子根本不会去尝试的餐馆──寿司馆、泰国餐馆、融合亚洲餐馆，还有一家可享用100种精酿啤酒的酒吧。



'You have to understand what the other person likes and not let it be the be-all and end-all of your marriage,' Mr. Sweeney says. 'There are a lot more important things than whether she will eat eel with me.'


斯威尼说，"你必须理解另一半的喜好，不要让吃成为你婚姻的全部。与她是否愿意和我一起吃鳗鱼相比，婚姻中还有许多更重要的东西。"



Elizabeth Bernstein


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