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hands nor in God's, but was subject to something else. All he

could do then was to obey the starets, to restrain himself, to



undertake nothing, and simply to wait. In general all this time

he lived not by his own will but by that of the starets, and in



this obedience he found a special tranquillity.

So he lived in his first monastery for seven years. At the end



of the third year he received the tonsure and was ordained to the

priesthood by the name of Sergius. The profession was an



important event in his inner life. He had previously experienced

a great consolation and spiritual exaltation when receiving



communion, and now when he himself officiated, the performance of

the preparation filled him with ecstatic and deep emotion. But



subsequently that feeling became more and more deadened, and once

when he was officiating in a depressed state of mind he felt that



the influence produced on him by the service would not endure.

And it did in fact weaken till only the habit remained.



In general in the seventh year of his life in the monastery

Sergius grew weary. He had learnt all there was to learn and had



attained all there was to attain, there was nothing more to do

and his spiritual drowsiness increased. During this time he



heard of his mother's death and his sister Varvara's marriage,

but both events were matters of indifference to him. His whole



attention and his whole interest were concentrated on his inner

life.



In the fourth year of his priesthood, during which the Bishop had

been particularly kind to him, the starets told him that he ought



not to decline it if he were offered an appointment to higher

duties. Then monastic ambition, the very thing he had found so



repulsive in other monks, arose within him. He was assigned to a

monastery near the metropolis. He wished to refuse but the



starets ordered him to accept the appointment. He did so, and

took leave of the starets and moved to the other monastery.



The exchange into the metropolitanmonastery was an important

event in Sergius's life. There he encountered many temptations,



and his whole will-power was concentrated on meeting them.

In the first monastery, women had not been a temptation to him,



but here that temptation arose with terrible strength and even

took definite shape. There was a lady known for her frivolous



behaviour who began to seek his favour. She talked to him and

asked him to visit her. Sergius sternly declined, but was



horrified by the definiteness of his desire. He was so alarmed

that he wrote about it to the starets. And in addition, to keep



himself in hand, he spoke to a young novice and, conquering his

sense of shame, confessed his weakness to him, asking him to keep



watch on him and not let him go anywhere except to service and to

fulfil his duties.



Besides this, a great pitfall for Sergius lay in the fact of his

extreme antipathy to his new Abbot, a cunningworldly man who was



making a career for himself in the Church. Struggle with himself

as he might, he could not master that feeling. He was submissive



to the Abbot, but in the depths of his soul he never ceased to

condemn him. And in the second year of his residence at the new



monastery that ill-feeling broke out.

The Vigil service was being performed in the large church on the



eve of the feast of the Intercession of the Blessed Virgin, and

there were many visitors. The Abbot himself was conducting the



service. Father Sergius was standing in his usual place and

praying: that is, he was in that condition of struggle which



always occupied him during the service, especially in the large

church when he was not himself conducting the service. This



conflict was occasioned by his irritation at the presence of fine

folk, especially ladies. He tried not to see them or to notice



all that went on: how a soldier conducted them, pushing the

common people aside, how the ladies pointed out the monks to one



another--especially himself and a monk noted for his good looks.

He tried as it were to keep his mind in blinkers, to see nothing



but the light of the candles on the altar-screen, the icons, and

those conducting the service. He tried to hear nothing but the



prayers that were being chanted or read, to feel nothing but




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