Nor can I
conjecture how far I strayed north or south from my
course. I only know that marshes that were like Sloughs of
Despond, and
barren and wet savannahs, were crossed; and forests
that seemed
infinite in
extent and never to be got through; and
scores of rivers that boiled round the sharp rocks, threatening
to
submerge or dash in pieces the frail bark canoe--black and
frightful to look on as rivers in hell; and
nameless mountain
after mountain to be toiled round or toiled over. I may have
seen Roraima during that
mentally clouded period. I vaguely
remember a far-extending
gigantic wall of stone that seemed to
bar all further progress--a rocky
precipice rising to a
stupendous
height, seen by
moonlight, with a huge sinuous rope of
white mist suspended from its
summit; as if the
guardian camoodi
of the mountain had been a league-long spectral
serpent which was
now dropping its coils from the
mighty stone table to frighten
away the rash intruder.
That spectral
moonlight camoodi was one of many
serpent fancies
that troubled me. There was another, surpassing them all, which
attended me many days. When the sun grew hot
overhead and the
way was over open savannah country, I would see something moving
on the ground at my side and always keeping
abreast of me. A
small snake, one or two feet long. No, not a small snake, but a
sinuous mark in the pattern on a huge
serpent's head, five or six
yards long, always moving
deliberately at my side. If a cloud
came over the sun, or a fresh
breezesprang up, gradually the
outline of that awful head would fade and the well-defined
pattern would
resolve itself into the motlings on the earth. But
if the sun grew more and more hot and dazzling as the day
progressed, then the
tremendous ophidian head would become
increasingly real to my sight, with glistening scales and
symmetrical markings; and I would walk carefully not to stumble
against or touch it; and when I cast my eyes behind me I could
see no end to its great coils extending across the savannah.
Even looking back from the
summit of a high hill I could see it
stretching leagues and leagues away through forests and rivers,
across wide plains, valleys and mountains, to lose itself at last
in the
infinite blue distance.
How or when this
monster left me--washed away by cold rains
perhaps--I do not know. Probably it only transformed itself into
some new shape, its long coils perhaps changing into those
endless processions and multitudes of pale-faced people I seem to
remember having encountered. In my devious wanderings I must
have reached the shores of the undiscovered great White Lake, and
passed through the long shining streets of Manoa, the mysterious
city in the
wilderness. I see myself there, the wide
thoroughfare filled from end to end with people gaily dressed as
if for some high
festival, all
drawing aside to let the wretched
pilgrim pass, staring at his fever- and famine-wasted figure, in
its strange rags, with its strange burden.
A new Ahasuerus, cursed by inexpiable crime, yet sustained by a
great purpose.
But Ahasuerus prayed ever for death to come to him and ran to
meet it, while I fought against it with all my little strength.
Only at intervals, when the shadows seemed to lift and give me
relief, would I pray to Death to spare me yet a little longer;
but when the shadows darkened again and hope seemed almost
quenched in utter gloom, then I would curse it and defy its
power. Through it all I clung to the
belief that my will would
conquer, that it would
enable me to keep off the great enemy from
my worn and
suffering body until the wished goal was reached;
then only would I cease to fight and let death have its way.
There would have been comfort in this
belief had it not been for
that fevered
imagination which corrupted everything that touched
me and gave it some new
hatefulcharacter. For soon enough this
conviction that the will would
triumph grew to something
monstrous, a parent of
monstrous fancies. Worst of all, when I