since her letter was dispatched, and she had received no answer:
she
therefore imagined that her conduct had either entirely alienated
their
affection from her, or broken their hearts, and she must
never more hope to receive their blessing.
Never did any human being wish for death with greater fervency
or with juster cause; yet she had too just a sense of the duties of
the Christian religion to attempt to put a period to her own existence.
"I have but to be patient a little longer," she would cry, "and nature,
fatigued and fainting, will throw off this heavy load of mortality,
and I shall be released from all my sufferings. "
It was one cold stormy day in the latter end of December,
as Charlotte sat by a
handful of fire, the low state of her finances
not allowing her to
replenish her stock of fuel, and prudence
teaching her to be careful of what she had, when she was surprised
by the entrance of a farmer's wife, who, without much ceremony,
seated herself, and began this curious harangue.
"I'm come to see if as how you can pay your rent, because as how we
hear Captain Montable is gone away, and it's fifty to one if he b'ant
killed afore he comes back again; an then, Miss, or Ma'am, or whatever
you may be, as I was
saying to my husband, where are we to look
for our money. "
This was a stroke
altogetherunexpected by Charlotte: she knew so
little of the ways of the world that she had never bestowed a thought
on the
payment for the rent of the house; she knew indeed that she
owed a good deal, but this was never reckoned among the others:
she was thunder-struck; she hardly knew what answer to make,
yet it was
absolutely necessary that she should say something;
and judging of the
gentleness of every
femaledisposition by her own,
she thought the best way to interest the woman in her favour would
be to tell her candidly to what a situation she was reduced,
and how little
probability there was of her ever paying any body.
Alas poor Charlotte, how
confined was her knowledge of human nature,
or she would have been
convinced that the only way to insure
the friendship and
assistance of your
surroundingacquaintanceis to
convince them you do not require it, for when once the
petrifying
aspect of
distress and penury appear, whose qualities,
like Medusa's head, can change to stone all that look upon it;
when once this Gorgon claims
acquaintance with us, the phantom
of friendship, that before courted our notice, will
vanish into
unsubstantial air, and the whole world before us appear a
barren waste.
Pardon me, ye dear spirits of benevolence, whose benign smiles
and chearful-giving hand have strewed sweet flowers on many
a
thorny path through which my
wayward fate forced me to pass;
think not, that, in condemning the unfeeling
texture of the human heart,
I forget the spring from
whence flow an the comforts I enjoy: oh no!
I look up to you as to bright constellations,
gathering new splendours
from the
surrounding darkness; but ah!
whilst I adore the benignant
rays that cheared and illumined my heart, I mourn that their influence
cannot extend to all the sons and daughters of
affliction.
"Indeed, Madam," said poor Charlotte in a
tremulousaccent, "I am at
a loss what to do. Montraville placed me here, and promised to defray
all my expenses: but he has forgot his promise, he has
forsaken me,
and I have no friend who has either power or will to
relieve me.
Let me hope, as you see my
unhappy situation, your
charity--"
"Charity," cried the woman
impatiently interrupting her, "
charity indeed:
why, Mistress,
charity begins at home, and I have seven children
at home, HONEST, LAWFUL children, and it is my duty to keep them;
and do you think I will give away my property to a nasty,