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- and bid adieu.

IN THE STREET. CALAIS.



I never finished a twelve guineabargain so expeditiously in my

life: my time seemed heavy, upon the loss of the lady, and knowing



every moment of it would be as two, till I put myself into motion,

- I ordered post horses directly, and walked towards the hotel.



Lord! said I, hearing the town clock strike four, and recollecting

that I had been little more than a single hour in Calais, -



- What a large volume of adventures may be grasped within this

little span of life by him who interests his heart in every thing,



and who, having eyes to see what time and chance are perpetually

holding out to him as he journeyeth on his way, misses nothing he



can FAIRLY lay his hands on!

- If this won't turn out something, - another will; - no matter, -



'tis an assay upon human nature - I get my labour for my pains, -

'tis enough; - the pleasure of the experiment has kept my senses



and the best part of my blood awake, and laid the gross to sleep.

I pity the man who can travel from Dan to Beersheba, and cry, 'Tis



all barren; - and so it is: and so is all the world to him who will

not cultivate the fruits it offers. I declare, said I, clapping my



hands cheerily together, that were I in a desert, I would find out

wherewith in it to call forth my affections: - if I could not do



better, I would fasten them upon some sweet myrtle, or seek some

melancholy cypress to connect myself to; - I would court their



shade, and greet them kindly for their protection. - I would cut my

name upon them, and swear they were the loveliest trees throughout



the desert: if their leaves wither'd, I would teach myself to

mourn; and, when they rejoiced, I would rejoice along with them.



The learned Smelfungus travelled from Boulogne to Paris, - from

Paris to Rome, - and so on; - but he set out with the spleen and



jaundice, and every object he pass'd by was discoloured or

distorted. - He wrote an account of them, but 'twas nothing but the



account of his miserable feelings.

I met Smelfungus in the grand portico of the Pantheon: - he was



just coming out of it. - 'Tis nothing but a huge cockpit, said he:

- I wish you had said nothing worse of the Venus of Medicis,



replied I; - for in passing through Florence, I had heard he had

fallen foul upon the goddess, and used her worse than a common



strumpet, without the least provocation in nature.

I popp'd upon Smelfungus again at Turin, in his return home; and a



sad tale of sorrowful adventures had he to tell, "wherein he spoke

of moving accidents by flood and field, and of the cannibals that



each other eat: the Anthropophagi:" - he had been flayed alive, and

bedevil'd, and used worse than St. Bartholomew, at every stage he



had come at. -

- I'll tell it, cried Smelfungus, to the world. You had better



tell it, said I, to your physician.

Mundungus, with an immense fortune, made the whole tour; going on



from Rome to Naples, - from Naples to Venice, - from Venice to

Vienna, - to Dresden, to Berlin, without one generousconnection or



pleasurable anecdote to tell of; but he had travell'd straight on,

looking neither to his right hand nor his left, lest Love or Pity



should seduce him out of his road.

Peace be to them! if it is to be found; but heaven itself, were it



possible to get there with such tempers, would want objects to give

it; every gentle spirit would come flying upon the wings of Love to



hail their arrival. - Nothing would the souls of Smelfungus and

Mundungus hear of, but fresh anthems of joy, fresh raptures of



love, and fresh congratulations of their common felicity. - I

heartily pity them; they have brought up no faculties for this



work; and, were the happiest mansion in heaven to be allotted to

Smelfungus and Mundungus, they would be so far from being happy,



that the souls of Smelfungus and Mundungus would do penance there

to all eternity!



MONTREUIL.

I had once lost my portmanteau from behind my chaise, and twice got



out in the rain, and one of the times up to the knees in dirt, to

help the postilion to tie it on, without being able to find out



what was wanting. - Nor was it till I got to Montreuil, upon the

landlord's asking me if I wanted not a servant, that it occurred to



me, that that was the very thing.

A servant! That I do most sadly, quoth I. - Because, Monsieur,



said the landlord, there is a clever young fellow, who would be

very proud of the honour to serve an Englishman. - But why an



English one, more than any other? - They are so generous, said the




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