The Massacre



SOME Holy Missionaries in China having been deprived of life by the

Bigoted Heathens, the Christian Press made a note of it, and was



greatly pained to point out the contrast between the Bigoted

Heathens and the law-abiding countrymen of the Holy Missionaries



who had wickedly been sent to eternal bliss.

"Yes," assented a Miserable Sinner, as he finished reading the



articles, "the Heathens of Ying Shing are deceitful above all

things and desperatelywicked. By the way," he added, turning over



the paper to read the entertaining and instructive Fables, "I know

the Heathenese lingo. Ying Shing means Rock Creek; it is in the



Province of Wyo Ming."

A Ship and a Man



SEEING a ship sailing by upon the sea of politics, an Ambitious

Person started in hot pursuit along the strand; but the people's



eyes being fixed upon the Presidency no one observed the pursuer.

This greatly annoyed him, and recollecting that he was not aquatic,



he stopped and shouted across the waves' tumultous roar:

"Take my name off the passenger list."



Back to him over the waters, hollow and heartless, like laughter in

a tomb, rang the voice of the Skipper:



"'T ain't on!"

And there, in the focus of a million pairs of convergent eyes, the



Ambitious Person sat him down between the sun and moon and murmured

sadly to his own soul:



"Marooned, by thunder!"

Congress and the People



SUCCESSIVE Congresses having greatly impoverished the People, they

were discouraged and wept copiously.



"Why do you weep?" inquired an Angel who had perched upon a fence

near by.



"They have taken all we have," replied the People - "excepting,"

they added, noting the suggestive visitant - "excepting our hope in



heaven. Thank God, they cannot deprive us of that!"

But at last came the Congress of 1889.



The Justice and His Accuser

AN eminent Justice of the Supreme Court of Patagascar was accused



of having obtained his appointment by fraud.

"You wander," he said to the Accuser; "it is of little importance



how I obtained my power; it is only important how I have used it."

"I confess," said the Accuser, "that in comparison with the



rascally way in which you have conducted yourself on the Bench, the

rascally way in which you got there does seem rather a trifle."



The Highwayman and the Traveller

A HIGHWAYMAN confronted a Traveller, and covering him with a



firearm, shouted: "Your money or your life!"

"My good friend," said the Traveller, "according to the terms of



your demand my money will save my life, my life my money; you imply

you will take one or the other, but not both. If that is what you



mean, please be good enough to take my life."

"That is not what I mean," said the Highwayman; "you cannot save



your money by giving up your life."

"Then take it, anyhow," the Traveller said. "If it will not save



my money, it is good for nothing."

The Highwayman was so pleased with the Traveller's philosophy and



wit that he took him into partnership, and this splendid

combination of talent started a newspaper.



The Policeman and the Citizen

A POLICEMAN, finding a man that had fallen in a fit, said, "This



man is drunk," and began beating him on the head with his club. A

passing Citizen said:



"Why do you murder a man that is already harmless?"

Thereupon the Policeman left the man in a fit and attacked the



Citizen, who, after receiving several severe contusions, ran away.

"Alas," said the Policeman, "why did I not attack the sober one



before exhausting myself upon the other?"

Thenceforward he pursued that plan, and by zeal and diligence rose



to be Chief, and sobriety is unknown in the region subject to his

sway.



The Writer and the Tramps

AN Ambitious Writer, distinguished for the condition of his linen,



was travelling the high road to fame, when he met a Tramp.

"What is the matter with your shirt?" inquired the Tramp.



"It bears the marks of that superb unconcern which is the

• existence [ig´zistəns] n.存在；生存；生活 (初中英语单词)


• politician [,pɔli´tiʃən] n.政治家；政客 (初中英语单词)


• distress [di´stres] n.痛苦 vt.使苦恼 (初中英语单词)


• standing [´stændiŋ] n.持续 a.直立的 (初中英语单词)


• reflection [ri´flekʃən] n.反射；映象；想法 (初中英语单词)


• supposed [sə´pəuzd] a.想象的；假定的 (初中英语单词)


• cultivate [´kʌltiveit] vt.耕作；培植；培养 (初中英语单词)


• breeze [bri:z] n.微风；不费力的事 (初中英语单词)


• flatter [´flætə] vt.阿谀，奉承；胜过 (初中英语单词)


• wicked [´wikid] a.邪恶的；不道德的 (初中英语单词)


• divine [di´vain] a.神圣的 v.预言 (初中英语单词)


• female [´fi:meil] a.女(性)的 n.女人 (初中英语单词)


• enthusiasm [in´θju:ziæzəm] n.热心；狂热；爱好 (初中英语单词)


• audience [´ɔ:diəns] n.听众；观众；接见 (初中英语单词)


• majesty [´mædʒisti] n.壮丽；崇高；尊严 (初中英语单词)


• enable [i´neibəl] vt.使能够；赋予权力 (初中英语单词)


• economy [i´kɔnəmi] n.经济；机制；组织 (初中英语单词)


• prominent [´prɔminənt] a.突起的；凸出的 (初中英语单词)


• attorney [ə´tə:ni] n.代理人；律师 (初中英语单词)


• pressure [´preʃə] n.压榨 vt.对…施压力 (初中英语单词)


• contrast [´kɔntrɑ:st] n.对比 v.使对比(照) (初中英语单词)


• eternal [i´tə:nəl] a.永远的；永恒的 (初中英语单词)


• miserable [´mizərəbəl] a.悲惨的；可怜的 (初中英语单词)


• reading [´ri:diŋ] n.(阅)读；朗读；读物 (初中英语单词)


• instructive [in´strʌktiv] a.有益的 (初中英语单词)


• politics [´pɔlitiks] n.政治(学)；政治活动 (初中英语单词)


• pursuit [pə´sju:t] n.追踪；追击；事务 (初中英语单词)


• laughter [´lɑ:ftə] n.笑，笑声 (初中英语单词)


• supreme [su:´pri:m, sju:-] a.最高的，无上的 (初中英语单词)


• comparison [kəm´pærisən] n.比较；对照；比喻 (初中英语单词)


• philosophy [fi´lɔsəfi] n.哲学；人生观 (初中英语单词)


• talent [´tælənt] n.天才；才干；天资 (初中英语单词)


• policeman [pə´li:smən] n.警察 (初中英语单词)


• severe [si´viə] a.严厉的；苛刻的 (初中英语单词)


• diligence [´dilidʒəns] n.勤奋，努力 (初中英语单词)


• writer [´raitə] n.作者；作家 (初中英语单词)


• ambitious [æm´biʃəs] a.有雄心的；热望的 (初中英语单词)


• resentment [ri´zentmənt] n.不满；怨恨；忿恨 (高中英语单词)


• skilled [skild] a.有技能的，熟练的 (高中英语单词)


• descent [di´sent] n.出身，家世 (高中英语单词)


• seeing [si:iŋ] see的现在分词 n.视觉 (高中英语单词)


• regarding [ri´gɑ:diŋ] prep.关于 (高中英语单词)


• distinguished [di´stiŋgwiʃt] a.卓越的，著名的 (高中英语单词)


• salvation [sæl´veiʃən] n.救助；拯救 (高中英语单词)


• tightly [´taitli] ad.紧，紧密地 (高中英语单词)


• ingenious [in´dʒi:niəs] a.富于创新的；巧妙的 (高中英语单词)


• inventor [in´ventə] n.发明者 (高中英语单词)


• patriot [´pætriət] n.爱国者 (高中英语单词)


• certificate [sə´tifikət] n.执照；文凭 vt.批准 (高中英语单词)


• gorgeous [´gɔ:dʒəs] a.华丽的；宜人的 (高中英语单词)


• irregular [i´regjulə] a.不规则的；不正当的 (高中英语单词)


• surgeon [´sə:dʒən] n.外科医生；军医 (高中英语单词)


• desperately [´despəritli] ad.绝望地；拼命地 (高中英语单词)


• presidency [´prezidənsi] n.总统的职位(任期) (高中英语单词)


• deprive [di´praiv] vt.剥夺，使丧失 (高中英语单词)


• eminent [´eminənt] a.卓越的；杰出的 (高中英语单词)


• partnership [´pɑ:tnəʃip] n.合伙关系 (高中英语单词)


• finding [´faindiŋ] n.发现物；判断；结果 (高中英语单词)


• creator [kri:´eitə] n.创造者；设立者 (英语四级单词)


• artisan [,ɑ:ti´zæn] n.手艺人；技工 (英语四级单词)


• civilian [si´viljən] n.平民 a.平民的 (英语四级单词)


• sinner [´sinə] n.罪人 (英语四级单词)


• wearily [´wiərili] ad.疲倦地；厌烦地 (英语四级单词)


• exceeding [ik´si:diŋ] a.超越的，非常的 (英语四级单词)


• superb [su:´pə:b, sju:-] a.宏伟的；极好的 (英语四级单词)


• consternation [,kɔnstə´neiʃən] n.惊愕；惊恐；惊慌失措 (英语六级单词)


• drunkard [´drʌŋkəd] n.醉汉；酒鬼 (英语六级单词)


• ostrich [´ɔstritʃ] n.鸵鸟 (英语六级单词)


• outlay [´autlei] n.费用 vt.支付；花费 (英语六级单词)


• inaccessible [,inæk´sesəbəl] a.达不到的，难接近的 (英语六级单词)


• provocation [,prɔvə´keiʃən] n.挑衅；挑拨；激怒 (英语六级单词)


• deceitful [di´si:tful] a.欺骗的，骗人的 (英语六级单词)


• suggestive [sə´dʒestiv] a.暗示的；启发的 (英语六级单词)


• beating [´bi:tiŋ] n.敲；搅打；失败 (英语六级单词)