Everyday is a gift 每天都是一份礼物

My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip. This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. "Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me. "Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you're alive is a special occasion."

　　I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.

　　I'm still thinking about his words, and they've changed my life. I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savor, not endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.

　　I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event-such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party-going friends'.

　　"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now. I'm not sure what my sister would have done had she known that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I'm guessing--I'll never know.

　　It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with-someday. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write--one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them.

　　I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives.

　　And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is ... a gift from God.

　　
我的妹夫从我妹妹书桌最底下的抽屉里取出了一个纸片包裹的小包袱。"这可不是一张纸片，"他说，"这是件女式内衣。"他打开包袱，把它拿过来递给我。这是件精致的丝质的手工缝制的女式内衣，还装饰着蛛网状的花边。衣服上甚至还钉着数额惊人的价格标签。"这件衣服是简和我第一次到纽约时买的，那至少是在8，9 年前了，但是她从没穿过它。她一直在等一个合适的机会，我想，现在该是时候了。"他接过去，把它和其他一些我们要带到殡仪馆去的衣服一起摆到床上。他的手在那柔软的面料上停留了一会儿，然后转过身来对我说："千万别为了什么东西去等什么合适的机会，你活着的每一天都是一个机会。"

　　在我帮着他和我的侄女处理因这场意外死亡而接踵而至的悲伤琐事的葬礼期间，我一直在想着这句话。在从我妹妹居住的这个中西部地区小镇飞往加利福尼亚的飞机上，我也在想着这句话。我想到那些她从没听过见过或做过的事，我也想到那些她经历过但却没有意识到其独特性的事。

　　到现在我还思考着他的话，它们甚至改变了我的一生。我开始读更多的东西，受少一点的蒙蔽。我学会坐在地面上欣赏风景而不去担心花园里的杂草。我努力花更多的时间和家人呆在一起而不是去开无聊的会议。不管何时，生活应该是享受而不是忍受。我已开始去认识并珍惜这些美妙的时刻。

　　我不再珍藏任何东西。我会在各种小事情上使用上好的瓷器与水晶器，庆祝减掉一磅体重，打通厨房堵塞的排污槽，盛放初开的茶花。如果我喜欢，我会在逛市场时穿上我漂亮的冲锋衣。我的理论是，如果我看上去够有钱，我会毫不畏缩地花上28.49美元去买一小袋食品与杂货。我再不会珍藏着我的名贵香水期待一次特殊的晚会，商店职员和银行出纳员也有与我的舞友一样的鼻子。

　　"总有一天"和"某一天"对我已失去了意义。如果某件事值得去看去听去做，我会立刻去实行。我不知道，如果我妹妹得知她将不会拥有我们都认为理所当然的明天时，她会去做什么。或许她会给家人和一些亲密的朋友打电话，或许她会为以前的口角给一些曾经的朋友打电话来道歉或弥补彼此的关系。我还想她或许会找一家中餐馆去吃一些她最爱的食物。然而这都只是我的猜想，我永远不会知道了。

　　当我知道自己时间紧张却有一些事情没有完成时，我会愤怒不已。为推迟拜访"总有一天"我会联络的朋友而恼火，为没有写下"某一天"我终究会写的词句而生气，为没有告诉我的丈夫和女儿我是多么爱他们足够多次而后悔与遗憾。

我尽了最大努力避免推迟，延误或保留那些能给我们的生活带来欢笑与光彩的事情。

　　每天早晨睁开眼睛，我都告诉我自己这是特殊的一天。每一天，每一分钟，每一口呼吸其实......都是上帝给我们的恩赐。