Be the First One to Act Loving or Reaching out

　　Many of us hold on｜to ‵little resentments, which ‵stem from｜an argument, a ‵misunderstanding, or some other ‵painful event.

　　Stubbornly, we wait for someone ‵else｜to reach out to us - believing this is｜the ‵only way we can forgive｜or rekindle a friendship｜or family relationship. An ‵acquaintance of mine, whose health｜ ‵isn't very good, ‵recently told me｜that she ‵hasn't spoken to her son｜in almost ‵three years. "Why not?" I asked. She said｜that she and her son had had a ‵disagreement｜about his wife｜and that she wouldn't speak to him ‵again｜unless he called ‵first. When I suggested｜that she be the one to ‵reach out, she ‵resisted initially and said, "I ‵can't do that. He's the one｜who ‵should apologize." She was literally ‵willing to die｜before ‵reaching out to her ‵only son. After a ‵little gentle encouragement, however, she ‵did decide to be the first one｜to reach out. To her ‵amazement, her son was ‵grateful for her willingness to call｜and offered an ‵apology of his own. As is ‵usually the case｜when someone takes the chance｜and reaches out, ‵everyone wins. Whenever we hold on to our anger, we turn "‵small stuff"｜into really "‵big stuff"｜in our minds. We start to believe｜that our positions are ‵more important｜than our happiness. They are ‵not. If you want to be a more ‵peaceful person｜you ‵must understand that｜being ‵right is｜almost ‵never more important｜than allowing yourself to be happy. The way to be ‵happy is｜to let go, and ‵reach out. Let ‵other people be right. This doesn't mean｜that you're ‵wrong. ‵Everything will be fine. You'll experience the ‵peace of letting go, as well as the ‵joy of letting others be right. You'll ‵also notice that, as you ‵reach out｜and let others be "right", they ‵will become ‵less defensive｜and ‵more loving toward you. They might ‵even reach back. But, if for some reason｜they ‵don't, that's okay too. You will have the ‵inner satisfaction｜of knowing that you have done your part｜to create a ‵more loving world, and ‵certainly｜you'll be ‵more peaceful yourself.

　　主动友善，率先和好

　　我们很多人因一场争论、一次误解或某一痛若的经历便对他人心存芥蒂，耿耿于怀。我们固执地等待他人先向我们认错--认为这才是我们能够原谅他人、重续友情或亲情的惟一出路。我有一位身体欠佳的熟人，最近告诉我她和儿子几乎有三年没说话了。"为什么?"我问。她说她和儿子曾因他的妻子发生过争执，除非他先打电话，否则她不会再跟他说话。我建议她先采取主动，她先是拒绝，说，"我不能那样。他才是应该认错的人。"不夸张地说，她到死也不想先向她惟一的儿子开口。但在我好言相劝后，她还真决定先向儿子开口了。让她吃惊的是，儿子对她主动打来电话很是感激，并承认了自己的过错。不是么，一旦某人率先采取主动，大家都是赢家。每当我们心存怨恨，我们便将"区区小事"在脑中演变成"大事要事"。我们开始认为我们的立场比我们的幸福更为重要。其实不然。如果你想成为一个更平和的人，就必须明白所谓的"正确"永远也不会比让自己幸福更重要。幸福的途径是不计前嫌，是主动和好。让别人做正确先生吧。那并不意味着你就是错的。一切事情都会好起来。你会体验冰释前嫌的平和，以及让别人"正确"的喜悦。你还会发现，一旦你主动和好，让别人"正确"，他们会不再那么防备你，而是更钟爱你。他们或许还会回报你。但是，即使是出于某种原因他们不理不睬，那也没什么。你会得到内心的满足，清楚你已经尽了自己的努力去创造一个更友爱的世界，那你自然就会变得更加平和。