"Cut it out, Vic," she said. "That's enough."
But the
phonograph continued playing the dreary
tune, so Ojo seized the crank, jerked it free and
threw it into the road. However, the moment the
crank struck the ground it hounded back to the
machine again and began winding it up. And still
the music played.
"Let's run!" cried Scraps, and they all started
and ran down the path as fast as they could go.
But the
phonograph was right behind them
and could run and play at the same time. It
called out, reproachfully:
"What's the matter? Don't you love
classicalmusic?"
"No, Vic," said Scraps, halting. "We will
passical the
classical and
preserve what joy we
have left. I haven't any nerves, thank goodness,
but your music makes my cotton shrink."
"Then turn over my record. There's a rag-time
tune on the other side," said the machine.
"What's rag-time?"
"The opposite of
classical."
"All right," said Scraps, and turned over the
record.
The
phonograph now began to play a jerky jumble
of sounds which proved so bewildering that after a
moment Scraps stuffed her patchwork apron into the
gold horn and cried: "Stop--stop! That's the other
extreme. It's
extremely bad!"
Muffled as it was, the
phonograph played on.
"If you don't shut off that music I'll smash
your record," threatened Ojo.
The music stopped, at that, and the machine
turned its horn from one to another and said
with great
indignation: "What's the matter
now? Is it possible you can't
appreciate rag-
time?"
"Scraps ought to, being rags herself," said
the cat; "but I simply can't stand it; it makes
my whiskers curl."
"It is, indeed, dreadful!" exclaimed Ojo, with
a shudder.
"It's enough to drive a crazy lady mad,"
murmured the Patchwork Girl. "I'll tell you what,
Vic," she added as she smoothed out her apron and
put it on again, "for some reason or other you've
missed your guess. You're not a concert; you're a
nuisance. "
"Music hath charms to
soothe the savage
breast," asserted the
phonograph sadly.
"Then we're not savages. I
advise you to go
home and beg the Magician's pardon."
"Never! He'd smash me."
"That's what we shall do, if you stay here,"
Ojo declared.
"Run along, Vic, and
bother some one else,"
advised Scraps. "Find some one who is real
wicked, and stay with him till he repents. In
that way you can do some good in the world."
The music thing turned
silently away and
trotted down a side path, toward a distant
Munchkin village.
"Is that the way we go?" asked Bungle anxiously.
"No," said Ojo; "I think we shall keep straight
ahead, for this path is the widest and best.
When we come to some house we will inquire
the way to the Emerald City."
Chapter Eight
The foolish Owl and the Wise Donkey
On they went, and half an hour's steady walking
brought them to a house somewhat better than the
two they had already passed. It stood close to the
roadside and over the door was a sign that read:
"Miss Foolish Owl and Mr. Wise Donkey: Public
Advisers."
When Ojo read this sign aloud Scraps said
laughingly: "Well, here is a place to get all the
advice we want, maybe more than we need. Let's go
in."
The boy knocked at the door.
"Come in!" called a deep bass voice.
So they opened the door and entered the house,
where a little light-brown
donkey, dressed in a
blue apron and a blue cap, was engaged in dusting
the furniture with a blue cloth. On a shelf over
the window sat a great blue owl with a blue
sunbonnet on her head, blinking her big round
eyes at the visitors.
"Good morning," said the
donkey, in his deep
voice, which seemed bigger than he was. "Did
you come to us for advice?"
"Why, we came, anyhow," replied Scraps, "and now
we are here we may as well have some advice. It's
free, isn't it?"
"Certainly," said the
donkey. "Advice doesn't
cost anything--unless you follow it. Permit me to
say, by the way, that you are the queerest lot of
travelers that ever came to my shop. Judging you
merely by appearances, I think you'd better talk
to the Foolish Owl yonder."
They turned to look at the bird, which fluttered
its wings and stared back at them with its big
eyes.
"Hoot-ti-toot-ti-toot!" cried the owl.
"Fiddle-cum-foo,
Howdy-do?
Riddle-cum, tiddle-cum,
Too-ra-la-loo!"
"That beats your
poetry, Scraps," said Ojo.
"It's just nonsense!" declared the Glass Cat.
"But it's good advice for the foolish," said
the
donkey, admiringly. "Listen to my partner,
and you can't go wrong.
Said the owl in a grumbling voice:
"Patchwork Girl has come to life;
No one's
sweetheart, no one's wife;
Lacking sense and
loving fun,
She'll be snubbed by everyone."
"Quite a
compliment! Quite a
compliment, I
declare," exclaimed the
donkey, turning to look at
Scraps. "You are certainly a wonder, my dear, and
I fancy you'd make a splendid pincushion. If you
belonged to me, I'd wear smoked glasses when I
looked at you."
"Why?" asked the Patchwork Girl.
"Because you are so gay and gaudy."
"It is my beauty that dazzles you," she
asserted. "You Munchkin people all strut around in
your
stupid blue color, while I--"
"You are wrong in
calling me a Munchkin,"
interrupted the
donkey, "for I was born in the
Land of Mo and came to visit the Land of Oz
on the day it was shut off from all the rest of
the world. So here I am obliged to stay, and I
confess it is a very pleasant country to live in."
"Hoot-ti-toot!" cried the owl;
"Ojo's searching for a charm,
'Cause Unc Nunkie's come to harm.
Charms are
scarce; they're hard to get;
Ojo's got a job, you bet!"
"Is the owl so very foolish?" asked the boy.
"Extremely so," replied the
donkey. "Notice what
vulgar expressions she uses. But I admire the owl
for the reason that she is
positively foolish.
Owls are
supposed to be so very wise, generally,
that a foolish one is
unusual, and you perhaps
know that anything or anyone
unusual is sure to be
interesting to the wise."
The owl flapped its wings again, muttering
these words:
"It's hard to be a
glassy cat--
No cat can be more hard than that;
She's so
transparent, every act
Is clear to us, and that's a fact."
"Have you noticed my pink brains?" inquired
Bungle,
proudly. "You can see 'em work."
"Not in the daytime," said the
donkey. "She
can't see very well by day, poor thing. But her
advice is excellent. I
advise you all to follow it."
"The owl hasn't given us any advice, as yet,"
the boy declared.
"No? Then what do you call all those sweet
poems?"
"Just foolishness," replied Ojo. "Scraps does
the same thing."
"Foolishness! Of course! To be sure! The Foolish
Owl must be foolish or she wouldn't be the Foolish
Owl. You are very
complimentary to my partner,
indeed," asserted the
donkey, rubbing his front
hoofs together as if highly pleased.
"The sign says that you are wise," remarked
Scraps to the
donkey. "I wish you would prove it."
"With great pleasure," returned the beast.
"Put me to the test, my dear Patches, and I'll
prove my
wisdom in the wink of an eye.
"What is the best way to get to the Emerald
City?" asked Ojo.
"Walk," said the
donkey.
"I know; but what road shall I take?" was the
boy's next question.
"The road of yellow bricks, of course. It leads
directly to the Emerald City."
"And how shall we find the road of yellow
bricks?"
"By keeping along the path you have been
following. You'll come to the yellow bricks pretty
soon, and you'll know them when you see them
because they're the only yellow things in the
blue country."
"Thank you," said the boy. "At last you have
told me something."
"Is that the
extent of your
wisdom?" asked
Scraps.
"No," replied the
donkey; "I know many
other things, but they wouldn't interest you.
So I'll give you a last word of advice: move on,
for the sooner you do that the sooner you'll
get to the Emerald City of Oz."
"Hoot-ti-toot-ti-toot-ti-too!" screeched the owl;
"Off you go! fast or slow,
Where you're going you don't know.