The big office desk was pushed on one side, and Joanna came with
her little
shabby trunk and with her child and took possession in
her
dreamy, slack, half-asleep way; took possession of the dust,
dirt, and squalor, where she appeared naturally at home, where
she d
ragged a
melancholy and dull
existence; an
existence made up
of sad
remorse and frightened hope,
amongst the hopeless
disorder--the
senseless and vain decay of all these emblems of
civilized
commerce. Bits of white stuff; rags yellow, pink,
blue: rags limp,
brilliant and soiled, trailed on the floor, lay
on the desk
amongst the sombre covers of books soiled, grimy, but
stiff-backed, in
virtue, perhaps, of their European
origin. The
biggest set of bookshelves was
partlyhidden by a
petticoat, the
waistband of which was caught upon the back of a
slender book
pulled a little out of the row so as to make an improvised
clothespeg. The folding
canvas bedstead stood nearly in the
middle of the room, stood anyhow,
parallel to no wall, as if it
had been, in the process of
transportation to some
remote place,
dropped casually there by tired bearers. And on the tumbled
blankets that lay in a disordered heap on its edge, Joanna sat
almost all day with her stockingless feet upon one of the bed
pillows that were somehow always kicking about the floor. She
sat there,
vaguely tormented at times by the thought of her
absent husband, but most of the time thinking tearfully of
nothing at all, looking with swimming eyes at her little son--at
the big-headed, pasty-faced, and
sickly Louis Willems--who rolled
a glass inkstand, solid with dried ink, about the floor, and
tottered after it with the portentous
gravity of
demeanour and
absolute
absorption by the business in hand that
characterize the
pursuits of early
childhood. Through the half-open
shutter a ray
of
sunlight, a ray
merciless and crude, came into the room, beat
in the early morning upon the safe in the
far-off corner, then,
travelling against the sun, cut at
midday the big desk in two
with its solid and clean-edged
brilliance; with its hot
brilliance in which a swarm of flies hovered in dancing
flightover some dirty plate forgotten there
amongst yellow papers for
many a day. And towards the evening the
cynical ray seemed to
cling to the
raggedpetticoat, lingered on it with wicked
enjoyment of that
misery it had exposed all day; lingered on the
corner of the dusty bookshelf, in a red glow
intense and mocking,
till it was suddenly snatched by the
setting sun out of the way
of the coming night. And the night entered the room. The night
abrupt, impenetrable and all-filling with its flood of darkness;
the night cool and
merciful; the blind night that saw nothing,
but could hear the
fretful whimpering of the child, the creak of
the bedstead, Joanna's deep sighs as she turned over, sleepless,
in the confused
conviction of her wickedness, thinking of that
man masterful, fair-headed, and strong--a man hard perhaps, but
her husband; her clever and handsome husband to whom she had
acted so
cruelly on the advice of bad people, if her own people;
and of her poor, dear, deceived mother.
To Almayer, Joanna's presence was a
constant worry, a worry
unobtrusive yet
intolerable; a
constant, but
mostly mute,
warningof possible danger. In view of the
absurdsoftness of Lingard's
heart, every one in whom Lingard manifested the slightest
interest was to Almayer a natural enemy. He was quite alive to
that feeling, and in the
intimacy of the secret
intercourse with
his inner self had often congratulated himself upon his own
wide-awake
comprehension of his position. In that way, and
impelled by that
motive, Almayer had hated many and various
persons at various times. But he never had hated and feared
anybody so much as he did hate and fear Willems. Even after
Willems'
treachery, which seemed to remove him beyond the pale of
all human
sympathy, Almayer mistrusted the situation and groaned
in spirit every time he caught sight of Joanna.
He saw her very seldom in the
daytime. But in the short and
opal-tinted twilights, or in the azure dusk of
starry evenings,
he often saw, before he slept, the
slender and tall figure
trailing to and fro the
ragged tail of its white gown over the
dried mud of the
riverside in front of the house. Once or twice
when he sat late on the verandah, with his feet upon the deal
table on a level with the lamp,
reading the seven months' old
copy of the North China Herald, brought by Lingard, he heard the
stairs creak, and, looking round the paper, he saw her frail and
meagre form rise step by step and toil across the verandah,
carrying with difficulty the big, fat child, whose head, lying on
the mother's bony shoulder, seemed of the same size as Joanna's
own. Several times she had assailed him with tearful clamour or
mad entreaties: asking about her husband,
wanting to know where
he was, when he would be back; and
ending every such outburst
with
despairing and incoherent self-reproaches that were
absolutely incomprehensible to Almayer. On one or two occasions
she had overwhelmed her host with vituperative abuse, making him
responsible for her husband's
absence. Those scenes, begun
without any
warning, ended
abruptly in a sobbing
flight and a
bang of the door; stirred the house with a sudden, a
fierce, and
an evanescent
disturbance; like those
inexplicable whirlwinds
that rise, run, and
vanish without
apparent cause upon the
sun-scorched dead level of arid and
lamentable plains.
But to-night the house was quiet,
deadly quiet, while Almayer
stood still, watching that
delicate balance where he was weighing
all his chances: Joanna's
intelligence, Lingard's credulity,
Willems'
recklessaudacity, desire to escape,
readiness to seize
an
unexpected opportunity. He weighed,
anxious and attentive,
his fears and his desires against the
tremendous risk of a
quarrel with Lingard. . . . Yes. Lingard would be angry.
Lingard might
suspect him of some connivance in his prisoner's
escape--but surely he would not quarrel with him--Almayer--about
those people once they were gone--gone to the devil in their own
way. And then he had hold of Lingard through the little girl.
Good. What an annoyance! A prisoner! As if one could keep him
in there. He was bound to get away some time or other. Of
course. A situation like that can't last. vAnybody could see
that. Lingard's eccentricity passed all bounds. You may kill a
man, but you mustn't
torture him. It was almost
criminal. It
caused worry, trouble, and unpleasantness. . . . Almayer for a
moment felt very angry with Lingard. He made him
responsible for
the
anguish he suffered from, for the
anguish of doubt and fear;
for compelling him--the practical and
innocent Almayer--to such
painful efforts of mind in order to find out some issue for
absurd situations created by the
unreasonable sentimentality of
Lingard's unpractical impulses.
"Now if the fellow were dead it would be all right," said Almayer
to the verandah.
He stirred a little, and scratching his nose thoughtfully,
revelled in a short
flight of fancy, showing him his own image
crouching in a big boat, that floated arrested--say fifty yards
off--abreast of Willems' landing-place. In the bottom of the
boat there was a gun. A loaded gun. One of the boatmen would
shout, and Willems would answer--from the bushes.c The rascal
would be
suspicious. Of course. Then the man would wave a piece
of paper urging Willems to come to the landing-place and receive
an important message. "From the Rajah Laut" the man would yell
as the boat edged in-shore, and that would fetch Willems out.
Wouldn't it? Rather! And Almayer saw himself jumping up at the
right moment,
taking aim, pulling the trigger--and Willems
tumbling over, his head in the water--the swine!
He seemed to hear the report of the shot. It made him thrill
from head to foot where he stood. . . . How simple! . . .
Unfortunate . . . Lingard . . . He sighed, shook his head.
Pity. Couldn't be done. And couldn't leave him there either!
Suppose the Arabs were to get hold of him again--for
instance to
lead an
expedition up the river! Goodness only knows what harm
would come of it. . . .
The balance was at rest now and inclining to the side of
immediate action. Almayer walked to the door, walked up very
close to it, knocked loudly, and turned his head away, looking
frightened for a moment at what he had done. After
waiting for a
while he put his ear against the panel and listened. Nothing.
He
composed his features into an
agreeable expression while he
stood listening and thinking to himself: I hear her. Crying.