fellows had seen us just now when we were on full stand!
MAGISTRATE
Speak out, Laconians, what is it brings you here?
LACONIAN ENVOY
We have come to treat for peace.
MAGISTRATE
Well said; we are of the same mind. Better call Lysistrata,
then; she is the only person will bring us to terms.
LACONIAN ENVOY
Yes, yes-and Lysistratus into the
bargain, if you will.
MAGISTRATE
Needless to call her; she has heard your voices, and here she
comes.
(She comes out of the Acropolis.)
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Hail, boldest and bravest of womankind! The time is come to show
yourself in turn uncompromising and conciliatory,
exacting and
yielding,
haughty and condescending. Call up all your skill and
artfulness. Lo! the
foremost men in Hellas, seduced by your
fascinations, are agreed to
entrust you with the task of ending
their quarrels.
LYSISTRATA
It will be an easy task-if only they
refrain from
mutualindulgence in
masculine love; if they do, I shall know the fact at
once. Now, where is the gentle
goddess Peace? (The
goddess, in the
form of a beautiful nude girl is brought in by the Machine.) Lead
hither the Laconian envoys. But, look you, no roughness or violence;
our husbands always behaved so boorishly. Bring them to me with
smiles, as women should. If any refuse to give you his hand, then take
hold of his tool. Bring up the Athenians too; you may lead them either
way. Laconians, approach; and you, Athenians, on my other side. Now
hearken all! I am but a woman; but I have good common sense; Nature
has endowed me with discriminating judgment, which I have yet
further developed, thanks to the wise teachings of my father and the
elders of the city. First I must bring a
reproach against you that
applies
equally to both sides. At Olympia, and Thermopylae, and
Delphi, and a score of other places too numerous to mention, you
celebrate before the same altars ceremonies common to all Hellenes;
yet you go cutting each other's throats, and sacking Hellenic
cities, when all the while the
barbarian yonder is threatening you!
That is my first point.
MAGISTRATE (devouring the
goddess with his eyes)
Good god, this
erection is killing me!
LYSISTRATA
Now it is to you I address myself, Laconians. Have you forgotten
how Periclidas, your own
countryman, sat a suppliant before our
altars? How pale he was in his
purple robes! He had come to crave an
army of us; it was the time when Messenia was pressing you sore, and
the Sea-god was shaking the earth. Cimon marched to your aid at the
head of four thousand hoplites, and saved Lacedaemon. And, after
such a service as that, you
ravage the soil of your benefactors!
MAGISTRATE
They do wrong, very wrong, Lysistrata.
LACONIAN ENVOY
We do wrong, very wrong. (Looking at the
goddess) Ah! great
gods! what a lovely bottom Peace has!
LYSISTRATA
And now a word to the Athenians. Have you no memory left of how,
in the days when you wore the tunic of slaves, the Laconians came,
spear in hand, and slew a host of Thessalians and partisans of Hippias
the
tyrant? They, and they only, fought on your side on that
eventful day; they delivered you from despotism, and thanks to them
our nation could change the short tunic of the slave for the long
cloak of the free man.
LACONIAN ENVOY (looking at LYSISTRATA)
I have never see a woman of more
gracious dignity.
MAGISTRATE (looking at PEACE)
I have never seen a woman with a finer body!
LYSISTRATA
Bound by such ties of
mutual kindness, how can you bear to be at
war? Stop, stay the
hatefulstrife, be reconciled; what hinders you?
LACONIAN ENVOY
We are quite ready, if they will give us back our
rampart.
LYSISTRATA
What
rampart, my dear man?
LACONIAN ENVOY
Pylos, which we have been asking for and
craving for ever so long.
MAGISTRATE
In the Sea-god's name, you shall never have it!
LYSISTRATA
Agree, my friends, agree.
MAGISTRATE
But then what city shall we be able to stir up trouble in?
LYSISTRATA
Ask for another place in exchange.
MAGISTRATE
Ah! that's the ticket! Well, to begin with, give us Echinus, the
Maliac gulf adjoining, and the two legs of Megara.
LACONIAN ENVOY
No, by the Dioscuri, surely not all that, my dear sir.
LYSISTRATA
Come to terms; never make a difficulty of two legs more or less!
MAGISTRATE (his eye on PEACE)
Well, I'm ready to strip down and get to work right now.
(He takes off his mantle.)
LACONIAN ENVOY (following out this idea)
And I also, to dung it to start with.
LYSISTRATA
That's just what you shall do, once peace is signed. So, if you
really want to make it, go
consult your
allies about the matter.
MAGISTRATE
What
allies, I should like to know? Why, we are all erected;
there's no one who is not mad to be mating. What we all want is to
be in bed with our wives; how should our
allies fail to second our
project?
LACONIAN ENVOY
And ours too, for certain sure!
MAGISTRATE
The Carystians first and
foremost by the gods!
LYSISTRATA
Well said, indeed! Now go and
purify yourselves for entering the
Acropolis, where the women invite you to supper; we will empty our
provision baskets to do you honour. At table, you will exchange
oaths and pledges; then each man will go home with his wife.
MAGISTRATE
Come along then, and as quick as may be.
LACONIAN ENVOY
Lead on; I'm your man.
MAGISTRATE
Quick, quick's the word, say I.
(They follow LYSISTRATA into the Acropolis.)
CHORUS OF WOMEN (singing)
Embroidered stuffs, and
dainty tunics, and flowing gowns, and
golden ornaments, everything I have, I offer them to you with all my
heart; take them all for your children, for your girls, in case they
are chosen Canephori. I invite you every one to enter, come in and
choose
whatever you will; there is nothing so well fastened, you
cannot break the seals, and carry away the
contents. Look about you
everywhere. . . you won't find a
blessed thing, unless you have
sharper eyes than mine. And if any of you lacks corn to feed his
slaves and his young and numerous family, why, I have a few grains
of wheat at home; let him take what I have to give, a big twelve-pound
loaf included. So let my poorer neighbours all come with bags and
wallets; my man, Manes, shall give them corn; but I warn them not to
come near my door, but-beware the dog!
(Another MAGISTRATE enters, and begins knocking at the gate.)
SECOND MAGISTRATE
I say, you, open the door! (To the WOMEN) Go your way, I tell
you. (As the women sit down in front of the gate) Why, bless me,
they're sitting down now; I shall have to singe 'em with my torch to
make 'em stir! What impudence! I won't take this. Oh, well, if it's
absolutely necessary, just to please you, we'll have to take the
trouble.
AN ATHENIAN
And I'll share it with you.
(He brandishes the torch he is carrying and the CHORUS OF WOMEN
departs. The CHORUS OF OLD MEN follows
shortly after.)
SECOND MAGISTRATE
No, no, you must be off-or I'll tear your hair out, I will; be
off, I say, and don't annoy the Laconian envoys; they're just coming
out from the
banquet-ball.
ATHENIAN
Such a merry
banquet I've never seen before! The Laconians were
simply
charming. After the drink is in, why, we're all wise men, every
one of us.
MAGISTRATE
It's only natural, to be sure, for sober, we're all fools. Take my
advice, my fellow-countrymen, our envoys should always be drunk. We go
to Sparta; we enter the city sober; why, we must be picking a
quarrel directly. We don't understand what they say to us, we
imagine a lot they don't say at all, and we report home all wrong, all
topsy-urvy. But, look you, to-day it's quite different; we're
enchanted
whatever happens; instead of Clitagora, they might sing us
Telamon, and we should clap our hands just the same. A perjury or
two into the
bargain, why! What does that matter to merry companions
in their cups? (The two CHORUSES return.) But here they are back
again! Will you begone, you loafing scoundrels.
(The CHORUSES
retire again.)
ATHENIAN
Ah ha! here's the company coming out already.
(Two
choruses, one Laconian and one Athenian, enter, dancing to
the music of flutes; they are followed by the women under the
leadership of LYSISTRATA.)
A LACONIAN
My dear, sweet friend, come, take your flute in hand; I would fain
dance and sing my best in honour of the Athenians and our noble
selves.
ATHENIAN
Yes, take your flute, in the gods'name. What a delight to see
him dance!
LACONIAN (dancing and singing)
Oh! Mnemosyne!
inspire these men,
inspire my muse who knows our
exploits and those of the Athenians. With what a god-like
ardour did
they swoop down at Artemisium on the ships of the Medes! What a
glorious
victory was that! For the soldiers of Leonidas, they were
like
fierce boars whetting their tusks. The sweat ran down their
faces, and drenched all their limbs, for
verily the Persians were as
many as the sands of the
seashore. Oh! Artemis, huntress queen,
whose arrows
pierce the denizens of the woods,
virgingoddess, be thou
favourable to the peace we here conclude; through thee may our
hearts be long united! May this treaty draw close for ever the bonds
of a happy friendship! No more wiles and stratagems! Aid us, oh! aid
us,
maiden huntress!
MAGISTRATE
All is for the best; and now, Laconians, take your wives away home
with you, and you, Athenians, yours. May husband live happily with
wife, and wife with husband. Dance, dance, to
celebrate our bliss, and
let us be heedful to avoid like mistakes for the future.
CHORUS OF ATHENIANS (singing)
Appear, appear, dancers, and the Graces with you! Let us invoke,
one and all, Artemis, and her
heavenly brother,
gracious Apollo,