章节正文
that kindly thoughtfulness which ever distinguished his treatment of
others, "_if_, by any chance, you should miss hitting the dog at the
proper critical moment, or, if _you_ should get cowed and exhausted
first, instead of the dog--why, I shall only be too pleased to take
the whole burden of the funeral expenses on my own shoulders; and I
hope you know me well enough to feel sure that the arrangements will
be tasteful, and, at the same time, unostentatious!"
And out my uncle walked.
We next consulted the butcher, who agreed that the prize-ring method
was absurd, especially when recommended to a short-winded, elderly
family man, and who recommended, instead, plenty of out-door exercise
for the dog, under my uncle's strictsupervision and control.
"Get a fairly long chain for him," said the butcher, "and take him out
for a good stiff run every evening. Never let him get away from you;
make him mind you, and bring him home always thoroughly exhausted.
You stick to that for a month or two, regular, and you'll have him
like a little child."
"Um!--seems to me that I'm going to get more training over his job
than anybody else," muttered my uncle, as he thanked the man and left
the shop; "but I suppose it's got to be done. Wish I'd never had the
d--- dog now!"
So, religiously, every evening, my uncle would fasten a long chain to
that poor dog, and drag him away from his happy home with the idea of
exhausting him; and the dog would come back as fresh as paint, my
uncle behind him, panting and clamoring for brandy.
My uncle said he should never have dreamed there could have been such
stirring times in this prosaic nineteenth century as he had, training
that dog.
Oh, the wild, wild scamperings over the breezy common--the dog trying
to catch a swallow, and my uncle, unable to hold him back, following
at the other end of the chain!
Oh, the merry frolics in the fields, when the dog wanted to kill a
cow, and the cow wanted to kill the dog, and they each dodged round my
uncle, trying to do it!
And, oh, the pleasant chats with the old ladies when the dog wound the
chain into a knot around their legs, and upset them, and my uncle had
to sit down in the road beside them, and untie them before they could
get up again!
But a crisis came at last. It was a Saturday afternoon--uncle being
exercised by dog in usual way--nervous children playing in road, see
dog, scream, and run--playful young dog thinks it a game, jerks chain
out of uncle's grasp, and flies after them--uncle flies after dog,
calling it names--fond parent in front garden, seeingbeloved children
chased by savage dog, followed by careless owner, flies after uncle,
calling _him_ names--householders come to doors and cry,
"Shame!"--also throw things at dog--things don't hit dog, hit
uncle--things that don't hit uncle, hit fond parent--through the
village and up the hill, over the bridge and round by the green--grand
run, mile and a half without a break! Children sink exhausted--dog
gambols up among them--children go into fits--fond parent and uncle
come up together, both breathless.
"Why don't you call your dog off, you wicked old man?"
"Because I can't recollect his name, you old fool, you!"
Fond parent accuses uncle of having set dog on--uncle, indignant,
reviles fond parent--exasperated fond parent attacks uncle--uncle
retaliates with umbrella--faithful dog comes to assistance of uncle,
and inflicts great injury on fond parent--arrival of police--dog
attacks police--uncle and fond parent both taken into custody--uncle
fined five pounds and costs for keeping a ferocious dog at
large--uncle fined five pounds and costs for assault on fond
parent--uncle fined five pounds and cost for assault on police!
My uncle gave the dog away soon after that. He did not waste him. He
gave him as a wedding-present to a near relation.
But the saddest story I ever heard in connection with a bull-dog, was
one told by my aunt herself.
Now you can rely upon this story, because it is not one of mine, it is
one of my aunt's, and she would scorn to tell a lie. This is a story
you could tell to the heathen, and feel that you were teaching them
the truth and doing them good. They give this story out at all the
Sunday-schools in our part of the country, and draw moral lessons from
it. It is a story that a little child can believe.
It happened in the old crinoline days. My aunt, who was then living
in a country-town, had gone out shopping one morning, and was standing
in the High Street, talking to a lady friend, a Mrs. Gumworthy, the
doctor's wife. She (my aunt) had on a new crinoline that morning, in
which, to use her own expression, she rather fancied herself. It was
a tremendously big one, as stiff as a wire-fence; and it "set"
beautifully.
They were standing in front of Jenkins', the draper's; and my aunt
thinks that it--the crinoline--must have got caught up in something,
and an opening thus left between it and the ground. However this may
be, certain it is that an absurdly large and powerful bull-dog, who
was fooling round about there at the time, managed, somehow or other,
to squirm in under my aunt's crinoline, and effectually imprison
himself beneath it.
Finding himself suddenly in a dark and gloomychamber, the dog,
naturally enough, got frightened, and made frantic rushes to get out.
But whichever way he charged; there was the crinoline in front of him.
As he flew, he, of course, carried it before him, and with the
crinoline, of course, went my aunt.
But nobody knew the explanation. My aunt herself did not know what
had happened. Nobody had seen the dog creep inside the crinoline.
All that the people did see was a staid and eminently respectable
middle-aged lady suddenly, and without any apparent reason, throw her
umbrella down in the road, fly up the High Street at the rate of ten
miles an hour, rush across it at the imminent risk of her life, dart
down it again on the other side, rush sideways, like an excited crab,
into a grocer's shop, run three times round the shop, upsetting the
whole stock-in-trade, come out of the shop backward and knock down a
postman, dash into the roadway and spin round twice, hover for a
moment, undecided, on the curb, and then away up the hill again, as if
she had only just started, all the while screaming out at the top of
her voice for somebody to stop her!
Of course, everybody thought she was mad. The people flew before her
like chaff before the wind. In less than five seconds the High Street
was a desert. The townsfolk scampered into their shops and houses and
barricaded the doors. Brave men dashed out and caught up little
children and bore them to places of safety amid cheers. Carts and
carriages were abandoned, while the drivers climbed up lamp-posts!
What would have happened had the affair gone on much longer--whether
my aunt would have been shot, or the fire-engine brought into
requisition against her--it is impossible, having regard to the
terrified state of the crowd, to say. Fortunately for her, she became
exhausted. With one despairingshriek she gave way, and sat down on
the dog; and peace reigned once again in that sweet rural town.
THE END.
others, "_if_, by any chance, you should miss hitting the dog at the
proper critical moment, or, if _you_ should get cowed and exhausted
first, instead of the dog--why, I shall only be too pleased to take
the whole burden of the funeral expenses on my own shoulders; and I
hope you know me well enough to feel sure that the arrangements will
be tasteful, and, at the same time, unostentatious!"
And out my uncle walked.
We next consulted the butcher, who agreed that the prize-ring method
was absurd, especially when recommended to a short-winded, elderly
family man, and who recommended, instead, plenty of out-door exercise
for the dog, under my uncle's strictsupervision and control.
"Get a fairly long chain for him," said the butcher, "and take him out
for a good stiff run every evening. Never let him get away from you;
make him mind you, and bring him home always thoroughly exhausted.
You stick to that for a month or two, regular, and you'll have him
like a little child."
"Um!--seems to me that I'm going to get more training over his job
than anybody else," muttered my uncle, as he thanked the man and left
the shop; "but I suppose it's got to be done. Wish I'd never had the
d--- dog now!"
So, religiously, every evening, my uncle would fasten a long chain to
that poor dog, and drag him away from his happy home with the idea of
exhausting him; and the dog would come back as fresh as paint, my
uncle behind him, panting and clamoring for brandy.
My uncle said he should never have dreamed there could have been such
stirring times in this prosaic nineteenth century as he had, training
that dog.
Oh, the wild, wild scamperings over the breezy common--the dog trying
to catch a swallow, and my uncle, unable to hold him back, following
at the other end of the chain!
Oh, the merry frolics in the fields, when the dog wanted to kill a
cow, and the cow wanted to kill the dog, and they each dodged round my
uncle, trying to do it!
And, oh, the pleasant chats with the old ladies when the dog wound the
chain into a knot around their legs, and upset them, and my uncle had
to sit down in the road beside them, and untie them before they could
get up again!
But a crisis came at last. It was a Saturday afternoon--uncle being
exercised by dog in usual way--nervous children playing in road, see
dog, scream, and run--playful young dog thinks it a game, jerks chain
out of uncle's grasp, and flies after them--uncle flies after dog,
calling it names--fond parent in front garden, seeingbeloved children
chased by savage dog, followed by careless owner, flies after uncle,
calling _him_ names--householders come to doors and cry,
"Shame!"--also throw things at dog--things don't hit dog, hit
uncle--things that don't hit uncle, hit fond parent--through the
village and up the hill, over the bridge and round by the green--grand
run, mile and a half without a break! Children sink exhausted--dog
gambols up among them--children go into fits--fond parent and uncle
come up together, both breathless.
"Why don't you call your dog off, you wicked old man?"
"Because I can't recollect his name, you old fool, you!"
Fond parent accuses uncle of having set dog on--uncle, indignant,
reviles fond parent--exasperated fond parent attacks uncle--uncle
retaliates with umbrella--faithful dog comes to assistance of uncle,
and inflicts great injury on fond parent--arrival of police--dog
attacks police--uncle and fond parent both taken into custody--uncle
fined five pounds and costs for keeping a ferocious dog at
large--uncle fined five pounds and costs for assault on fond
parent--uncle fined five pounds and cost for assault on police!
My uncle gave the dog away soon after that. He did not waste him. He
gave him as a wedding-present to a near relation.
But the saddest story I ever heard in connection with a bull-dog, was
one told by my aunt herself.
Now you can rely upon this story, because it is not one of mine, it is
one of my aunt's, and she would scorn to tell a lie. This is a story
you could tell to the heathen, and feel that you were teaching them
the truth and doing them good. They give this story out at all the
Sunday-schools in our part of the country, and draw moral lessons from
it. It is a story that a little child can believe.
It happened in the old crinoline days. My aunt, who was then living
in a country-town, had gone out shopping one morning, and was standing
in the High Street, talking to a lady friend, a Mrs. Gumworthy, the
doctor's wife. She (my aunt) had on a new crinoline that morning, in
which, to use her own expression, she rather fancied herself. It was
a tremendously big one, as stiff as a wire-fence; and it "set"
beautifully.
They were standing in front of Jenkins', the draper's; and my aunt
thinks that it--the crinoline--must have got caught up in something,
and an opening thus left between it and the ground. However this may
be, certain it is that an absurdly large and powerful bull-dog, who
was fooling round about there at the time, managed, somehow or other,
to squirm in under my aunt's crinoline, and effectually imprison
himself beneath it.
Finding himself suddenly in a dark and gloomychamber, the dog,
naturally enough, got frightened, and made frantic rushes to get out.
But whichever way he charged; there was the crinoline in front of him.
As he flew, he, of course, carried it before him, and with the
crinoline, of course, went my aunt.
But nobody knew the explanation. My aunt herself did not know what
had happened. Nobody had seen the dog creep inside the crinoline.
All that the people did see was a staid and eminently respectable
middle-aged lady suddenly, and without any apparent reason, throw her
umbrella down in the road, fly up the High Street at the rate of ten
miles an hour, rush across it at the imminent risk of her life, dart
down it again on the other side, rush sideways, like an excited crab,
into a grocer's shop, run three times round the shop, upsetting the
whole stock-in-trade, come out of the shop backward and knock down a
postman, dash into the roadway and spin round twice, hover for a
moment, undecided, on the curb, and then away up the hill again, as if
she had only just started, all the while screaming out at the top of
her voice for somebody to stop her!
Of course, everybody thought she was mad. The people flew before her
like chaff before the wind. In less than five seconds the High Street
was a desert. The townsfolk scampered into their shops and houses and
barricaded the doors. Brave men dashed out and caught up little
children and bore them to places of safety amid cheers. Carts and
carriages were abandoned, while the drivers climbed up lamp-posts!
What would have happened had the affair gone on much longer--whether
my aunt would have been shot, or the fire-engine brought into
requisition against her--it is impossible, having regard to the
terrified state of the crowd, to say. Fortunately for her, she became
exhausted. With one despairingshriek she gave way, and sat down on
the dog; and peace reigned once again in that sweet rural town.
THE END.
- treatment [´tri:tmənt]
n.待遇；对待；治疗 (初中英语单词) - funeral [´fju:nərəl] n.葬礼，丧葬；困难 (初中英语单词)
- butcher [´butʃə] n.屠夫，刽子手 (初中英语单词)
- absurd [əb´sə:d] a.荒谬的，可笑的 (初中英语单词)
- thoroughly [´θʌrəli] ad.完全地，彻底地 (初中英语单词)
- fasten [´fɑ:sən] v.扎牢；闩住；钉牢 (初中英语单词)
- swallow [swɔləu] n.燕子 v.吞，咽；淹没 (初中英语单词)
- unable [ʌn´eibəl] a.不能的；无能为力的 (初中英语单词)
- scream [skri:m] v.&n.尖叫(声) (初中英语单词)
- beloved [bi´lʌvd] a.为....所爱的 n.爱人 (初中英语单词)
- savage [´sævidʒ] a.野蛮的 n.蛮人 (初中英语单词)
- careless [´keəlis] a.粗心的；草率的 (初中英语单词)
- wicked [´wikid] a.邪恶的；不道德的 (初中英语单词)
- assistance [ə´sistəns] n.协作；援助；帮助 (初中英语单词)
- injury [´indʒəri] n.伤害；毁坏；侮辱 (初中英语单词)
- assault [ə´sɔ:lt] vt.袭击；殴打 n.攻击 (初中英语单词)
- connection [kə´nekʃən] n.联系；关系；联运 (初中英语单词)
- standing [´stændiŋ] n.持续 a.直立的 (初中英语单词)
- opening [´əupəniŋ] n.开放；开端 a.开始的 (初中英语单词)
- explanation [,eksplə´neiʃən] n.解释；说明；辩解 (初中英语单词)
- apparent [ə´pærənt] a.显然的；表面上的 (初中英语单词)
- backward [´bækwəd] ad.向后 a.向后的 (初中英语单词)
- shriek [ʃri:k] v.&n.尖叫(声) (初中英语单词)
- distinguished [di´stiŋgwiʃt] a.卓越的，著名的 (高中英语单词)
- critical [´kritikəl] a.批评的；关键性的 (高中英语单词)
- strict [strikt] a.严厉的；精确的 (高中英语单词)
- supervision [,su:pə´viʒən, ,sju:-] n.管理；监督 (高中英语单词)
- crisis [´kraisis] n.转折点；危机 (高中英语单词)
- seeing [si:iŋ] see的现在分词 n.视觉 (高中英语单词)
- heathen [´hi:ðən] n.异教徒 (高中英语单词)
- gloomy [´glu:mi] a.昏暗的；忧郁的 (高中英语单词)
- chamber [´tʃeimbə] n.房间；议院；会议室 (高中英语单词)
- frantic [´fræntik] a.发狂的；急忙的 (高中英语单词)
- fortunately [´fɔ:tʃənətli] ad.幸运地 (高中英语单词)
- trying [´traiiŋ] a.难堪的；费劲的 (英语四级单词)
- bridge [bridʒ] n.桥(梁)；鼻梁；桥牌 (英语四级单词)
- recollect [rekə´lekt] v.重新集合；恢复 (英语四级单词)
- tremendously [tri´mendəsli] ad.可怕地；极大地 (英语四级单词)
- ferocious [fə´rəuʃəs] a.凶猛的；残忍的 (英语六级单词)
- effectually [i´fektjuəli] ad.有效地 (英语六级单词)
- whichever [witʃ´evə] a.&pron.无论哪个(些) (英语六级单词)
- imminent [´iminənt] a.临头的，逼近的 (英语六级单词)
- roadway [´rəudwei] n.车行道；路面 (英语六级单词)
- abandoned [ə´bændənd] a.被抛弃的；无约束的 (英语六级单词)
- despairing [di´speəriŋ] a.感到绝望的 (英语六级单词)
文章标签:名著
章节正文
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