今天集中地看到了几个"静夜思"的英文版本,我有点想法.(不愿意看的可以直接看最底下我自己翻译的）


静夜思
李白

床前明月光，疑是地上霜。
举头望明月，低头思故乡。

先看徐忠杰和许渊冲的:

1).In the Still of the Night

I descry bright moonlight in front of my bed.

I suspect it to be hoary frost on the floor.

I watch the bright moon, as I tilt back my head.

I yearn, while stooping, for my homeland more.

（徐忠杰）

2).A Tranquil Night

Abed, I see a silver light,

I wonder if it's frost aground.

Looking up, I find the moon bright;

Bowing, in homesickness I'm drowned.

(许渊冲译)
其他先不说,每句必有一个I( 徐忠杰有一行有两个!)显得很拙笨,机械,原诗的飘逸灵动全失.尤其是徐忠杰的,这又不是作数学题,你那一排I是列公式呢?另外徐的版本有词语使用的错误,STOOP是弯腰,躬背的意思,李白是那么看的吗?许的BOW也不妥当,BOW有恭谦的意味,比如饭店门口迎宾的小姐(NO PUN INTENDED).许的DESCRY只能是个笑话.DESCRY的意思是通过努力观察发现某种(不易被发现的)东西,信息.而且DESCRY太生僻,用在这里无论是意思还是意境都很不妥当.

比较两个版本,许的要胜出HANDS DOWN.尤其是ABED,AGROUND的使用颇显功力.



在来几个洋人的版本.虽然也有一些SETBACKS,但感觉上比上面两个要流畅.

In the Quiet Night

So bright a gleam on the foot of my bed---

Could there have been a frost already?

Lifting my head to look, I found that it was moonlight.

Sinking back again, I thought suddenly of home.

(Tr. Witter Bynner)

第一句月亮没出来,把它安排在第三句,还FOUND,显得很多余.第2句我认为翻译的很贴切,有种淡淡的惊讶( MILDLY STARTLED ),而且把"霜"写的很真实,衬托出了"疑似".最后一句与原诗差异较大,李白应该是没躺回去.另外SUDDENLY感觉有些ABRUPT.思乡之情我感觉应该是像月光一样缓缓在夜色下流淌的.



Night Thoughts

I wake, and moonbeams play around my bed,

Glittering like hoar-frost to my wandering eyes;

Up towards the glorious moon I raise my head,

Then lay me down---and thoughts of home arise.

( Tr. Herbert A. Giles)

有关题目的翻译,这是第一个出来"思"(THOUGHT)的.但综观全诗,重点是对月光的描写,而非直接描写思想活动,所以翻成NIGHT THOUGHTS感觉有些太直白,而且没有把握住本诗重在"静夜",和不是"思",思乡之情全因月色而起.用ON A TRANQUIL NIGHT之类的点到为止就很好了.第一句的"play around"大杀风景,把原诗恬淡,静谧的气氛彻底搅乱. " wandering eyes"也与意境不符,作者应该是若有所思地专注的看着"地上霜",而不是WANDERING. 最后的LAY ME DOWN也是原文里没有提到的.( HE MUST BE OBSESSED WITH GETTING LAID )


The Moon Shines Everywhere



Seeing the moon before my couch so bright



I thought hoar frost had fallen from the night.



On her clear face I gaze with lifted eyes:



Then hide them full of Youth's sweet memories.



(Tr. W.J.B. Fletcher)

题目就不说了,TOO FAR-FETCHED:/ 前三句可以说是翻得很好(除了那个HER的指代不是很清楚外),但是第4句MAKES THE WHOLE POEM FALL ON ITS FACE.


Thoughts in a Tranquil Night



Athwart the bed



I watch the moonbeams cast a trail



So bright, so cold, so frail,



That for a space it gleams



Like hoar-frost on the margin of my dreams.



I raise my head, -



The splendid moon I see:



Then droop my head,



And sink to dreams of thee -



My father land , of thee!


译者LET HIS PASSION GET THE BETTER OF HIM.把幽雅,深沉的一首CAMEO小诗变成了拖沓的感情爆发(OUTBURST)(My father land , of thee!) STILL WORTH A GOOD LAUGH!



看了那么多ＦＡＬＬ　ＳＨＯＲＴ的翻译，我不禁是想自己也来搞它一个：



床前明月光，疑是地上霜。
举头望明月，低头思故乡


Bright moonlight over my bed
white as if frost were on the floor.
Upon the fairy moon I beheld
before thought of home lowered my head.
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