It's the secret weapon that will help you cope with the hassles of life. Here's how to put spiritual intelligence to work for you.



Her ex had done it again. After missing their 10-year-old daughter's dance recital, he showed up the following day with a bouquet of roses. "My first impulse was to tear into him," admits my friend Jennie. Then some phrases popped into her mind: "He loves her. She needs him. Let it be." Taking a deep breath, she listened to this inner voice and said, "Natalie's going to love the flowers." And for at least one brief, shining moment, there was a little more peace on earth.



What happened? Without consciously realizing why or how, Jennie had reached beyond reason to a deeper level of understanding, a newly recognized way of knowing that psychologists have dubbed "spiritual intelligence." Our spiritual intelligence quotient, or SQ, helps us understand ourselves, and live fuller, happier lives.



Spiritual intelligence is the capacity to sense, understand and tap in to the highest part of ourselves, of others and of the world around us. This source of inner serenity may be our best defense against the hassles that barrage us every day.



While we' re all born with SQ, most of us aren't even aware that we have it. Fortunately, you don't have to sign up for classes to learn how to enhance your SQ. Here are some simple steps that can lead you to this new level of understanding:



Sit Quietly. The process of cultivating spiritual intelligence begins in solitude and silence. Most spiritual traditions involve an inner wisdom. To tune in to its whisper, you have to turn down the volume in your busy, noisy, complicated life and force yourself to do nothing at all. Start small by creating islands of silence in your day. In the car, instead of reaching for the radio dial, use the time to reflect. At work, shut the door to your office between meetings, take a few deep breaths and let them out very, very slowly. Savor the stillness in your home after the kids are finally in bed.



Step Outside. For many people, nature sets their spirit free. It puts the hassles of daily living into perspective.



Go outside to watch a beautiful sunset. If you're walk-ing the dog, take the time to admire an azalea bush in bloom. Follow the flight of a bird; watch clouds float overhead. Gaze into the night sky and think of the stars as holes in the darkness letting heaven shine through. Find An Activity You Enjoy. It's important to find a hobby that helps you tune in to your spirit. Garden, walk or jog, arrange flowers, listen to music that touches your soul.



Ask Questions Of Yourself. Some people use their contemplative time to focus on a line of Scripture. Others ask open-ended questions, such as"What am I feeling? What are my choices? Where am I heading?"



But don't expect an answer to arrive via some super-natural form of e-mail. "Rarely do I get an immediate answer to my questions," says Reverend Joan Carter, a Presbyterian minister in Sausalito, California. "But later that day I suddenly find myself thinking about a problem from a perspective I never considered before."



Trust Your Spirit. While most of us rely on gut feelings to alert us to danger, spiritual intelligence usually nudges us, not away from, but toward some action that will lead to a greater good.



This is a lesson that Charlene Baumbich, an author and speaker in Illinois, has learned well. Several years ago she was convinced that she couldn' t write a book she' d contracted to do. The day before she planned to scuttle the deal, she went to a crafts fair. There Baumbich found a photograph of a chubby toddler opening a treasure chest -- out of which flew butterflies. "There was a voice that said,'Just open the lid. Write the first word.'" So she did. And that book, How to Eat Humble Pie and Not Get Indigestion, was a success. Her advice to other women curious about tuning in to their inner wisdom: Take the first step. Peer inside yourself. And don' t be surprised if you find butterflies.
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