My brother, Michael, was born one month before his due date. He was retarded, and he also had cerebral palsy. He never lost his baby teeth, never grew taller than about 30 inches and never weighed more than 28 pounds. They did estimate, however, that he would not live to see his 12th birthday.我哥哥迈克尔早产一个月，他是智障，而且患有脑瘫。他从未掉过乳牙，身高不足30英寸（约76厘米），体重从没超过28磅（约25.4斤）。他们确实估摸着哥哥活不过12岁。



As a boy I learned to feed and clothe Mike. As a teenager, I babysat for my "big brother" and learned the proper dosage of medicine to prevent the seizures that caused him to stiffen and tremble. 从孩提起，我就学会了给迈克尔喂饭穿衣。到十几岁时，我成了"大哥"的贴身保姆，学会了按量给他喂药，以防他突然发病。一发作，他就会发抖，浑身僵硬。





Many people said he would never walk or talk, and should be institutionalized. He never did learn to walk, but he did learn to talk not even in complete sentences, but he had the basics down. If he was hungry, thirsty, happy or sad, we knew. Cake. Cookies. Candy bar. Water-water. Cry. 很多人都说他永远不会走路，不会说话，得送去专门的机构。他确实从未学过走路，可学过说话说不出完整的句子，不过能吐出最基本的生活用词。如果他饿了、渴了、高兴或难过，我们都会明白。他会说：蛋糕、饼干、棒棒糖、水-水、哭。





He knew names too. I was Kagun, not Kevin. But that changed with a beard I grew during the summer before college. Family members said it was ugly. Mike heard it. 他还知道我们的名字。我是卡根，不是凯文。但在进入大学前的那个暑假我长了胡子，情况就变了。家里人都说那样很难看，麦克听进去了。



"Look who's at home. Who's that?" they'd say to Mike. "Ugly," he would respond with delight. 看谁在家里，那个是谁？"他们会问麦克。"丑丑。"他就兴高采烈地回答。





All of whichto mewas normal, for he was the only brother I knew. The only time I thought of the differences between us was when others pointed them out. A stare in a restaurant, a pointed finger on the street, or a comment by another kid in the schoolyard. "因为他是我唯一的哥哥，所以这些对我而言都是那么自然，只有在别人对我们指指点点的时候我才想起我们之间的区别。餐馆里的侧目、街道上的指手画脚，或者学校里小孩子的一句议论才会引起我的注意。





His effect on some people was special, however. Big, tough men crumbled when he smiled, giggled and winked at them. One in particular, a hot-tempered man who had been on the wrong side of the law more than once, always asked about him. He'd often give Mom a few dollars and tell her, "Get something for the little guy, will you?" 不过，他对有些人的影响是很特殊的。恶狠狠的"大块头"们看到他冲着自己微笑，咯咯地笑，或者眨眨眼，他们就心软了。甚至有个有过前科，脾气暴躁的家伙总是打探他，还常给妈妈几美元，对她说："给小家伙买点东西吧，好吗？



My circle of friends widened when I entered high school. One day Mom asked if my new friends would have a problem seeing Mike for the first time. "If they don't accept Mike, they don't accept me and they aren't welcome," I said. 进入高中后，我的朋友多了起来。一天，妈妈问我我的新朋友第一次看到麦克会不会觉得有问题。"如果他们不接受麦克，那他们就是不接受我，这样的人我不欢迎。"我说。





And if I didn't think of him as different, I never thought about him dying either. On a warm fall night in 1998, Mike had a seizure. With this first seizure, Mike's life was beginning to fade. His immune system was defenseless. His seizures intensified and became more frequent. His bones would break with little cause. 如果我从没觉得他是与众不同的话，那我也从没想过他会死去。1998年一个温暖的秋夜，麦克突然发病。随着这第一次发病，麦克的健康每况愈下。他完全失去了免疫力，发病一次比一次厉害，越来越频繁。一点小毛病就会让他的身体跨掉。





On March 15, 1999, Mike died. A bout with pneumonia quietly squeezed life from him. Michael Patrick Harterjust 26 years old died in Mom's arms. 1999年3月15日，麦克去世了。一场肺炎静静地夺走了他的生命。年仅26岁的迈克尔帕特里克哈特在妈*怀抱中安然去世。





We never had those great talks other brothers have about women, work and parents. We never played catch or talked about our dreams. But Mike taught me compassion and strength. He taught me respect for those less fortunate than myself. And he taught me an appreciation of the beauty in the simplest things. 我们之间从来没有像其他兄弟间那样热烈谈论过女人、工作和父母，我们也从未玩过捉迷藏，更未讨论过我们的梦想。但麦克教会了我热情与坚强；教会了我去尊重那些没有我幸运的人们；教会了我从最简单的事情中发现美。





Physically and mentally, I was my brother's keeper. Spiritually, Mike was and is my keepera nearly silent guardian angel. 在生理与心理上，我是哥哥的守护神；但在精神上，麦克一直是我的守护神一个近乎无声的守护天使。


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