Is the ability to stay married something that can be taught?
A reader writes to ask whether anyone has
studied the value of 'marriage education' classes programs and seminars aimed specifically at strengthening marriages by improving couples' ability to
communicate and resolve conflicts.
There's some evidence that marriage education helps couples stick together. A study published in 2006 in the Journal of Family Psychology linked
taking marriage education classes before tying the knot to higher satisfaction and commitment in marriage, less conflict and reduced chances of divorce,
regardless of couples' race, income or education.
Researchers, led by the University of Denver's Scott Stanley, acknowledged that couples who choose to take premarital education probably already have more of the social support, skills and commitment required for a satisfying marriage; that is, they're a self-selecting group. However, the researchers controlled for a wide range of
related variables in the
random sample of 3,000 adults, and concluded the effects were too
significant to be accounted for entirely by self-selection.
Learning marital communication skills may not be able to check philanderers like South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, whose midlife upheaval played out on a very public stage. But marriage education may be able to help keep such marriages
intact, even after an incident of infidelity. It's worth noting, as this recent New York Times story says, that education in general, and knowledge about divorce, are linked in other research to longer-lasting marriages. Study after study has shown that divorce is less common among college-educated men and women. And couples who are aware of the consequences of divorce, including the financial
strain and upheaval in children's lives that often ensue, are more likely to stick together.
As a parent, I intend to encourage my two youngest children before they marry to get premarital counseling or marriage education; in my view, marriages come under so much
strain today that any source of
potential support is worthwhile. Among my three stepchildren who are adults, one of my stepsons and his wife went through premarital classes; they had good reviews for the process and their marriage is strong.
Readers, have you taken pre-marital counseling or training? Or enrolled in a marriage education course? What do you think of the idea?
维持婚姻的能力也是可以教授的吗?
一位读者写信询问有没有人研究过"婚姻教育"课程的价值,这类课程旨在提高夫妇的沟通能力和解决冲突能力,以此巩固婚姻。
有证据表明婚姻教育有助于夫妇之间的关系。2006年在《家庭心理杂志》(Journal of Family Psychology)发表的一篇论文认为,无论夫妇俩的种族、收入和教育状况如何,在结为连理之前接受婚姻教育课程,会提高婚姻满意度和忠诚度,减少矛盾,降低离婚机率。
以丹佛大学(University of Denver)的斯坦利(Scott Stanley)为首的研究人员承认,选择接受婚前教育的夫妇本身可能已经拥有更多的维持满意婚姻所必需的社会支持、技巧和承诺,也就是说,这样的夫妇已经进行了一次自我筛选。然而,研究人员随机选取了3,000名成人为样本,对极其广泛的相关变量进行检验,得出结论认为,婚姻教育的效果十分明显,不可能完全是自我的结果。
学习婚姻沟通技巧可能阻止不了南卡罗来纳州州长桑福德(Mark Sanford)这样的花心萝卜,他的中年人生剧变呈现在大众广庭之下。但婚姻教育或许能够帮助维持这样的婚姻,即便发生了不忠事件。值得注意的是,正如《纽约时报》(New York Times)不久前的一则报导所说,另有研究表明,教育程度和对离婚的认识与婚姻持续时间长短有关。有不少研究都表明,受过大学教育的夫妇离婚的情况相对较少。而对离婚后财务负担、孩子的生活会发生急剧变化等后果有所认识的夫妇更有可能保持婚姻关系。
身为家长,我有意让自己最小的两个孩子在结婚之前接受婚前咨询或婚姻教育;在我看来,如今的婚姻面临太多压力,任何可能起到支持作用的来源都值得一试。我丈夫与前妻的三个孩子现在已成年,其中一个孩子与妻子接受了婚前教育课程;他们对这个课程评价不错,婚姻也很牢固。
读者们,你们有没有进行过婚前咨询或培训?或是参加婚姻教育课程?你觉得这个主意怎么样?
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