begins, and the conversation gets under way with all the more vivacity
because those present feel a need of enlivening the journey and
forgetting its tedium.
That is how things happen in French stage-coaches. In other countries
customs are very different. Englishmen pique themselves on never
opening their lips; Germans are
melancholy in a
vehicle; Italians too
wary to talk; Spaniards have no public conveyances; and Russians no
roads. There is no
amusement except in the
lumbering diligences of
France, that gabbling and indiscreet country, where every one is in a
hurry to laugh and show his wit, and where jest and epigram enliven
all things, even the
poverty of the lower classes and the weightier
cares of the solid bourgeois. In a coach there is no police to check
tongues, and
legislative assemblies have set the fashion of public
discussion. When a young man of twenty-two, like the one named
Georges, is clever and
lively, he is much tempted, especially under
circumstances like the present, to abuse those qualities.
In the first place, Georges had soon
decided that he was the superior
human being of the party there assembled. He saw in the count a
manufacturer of the second-class, whom he took, for some unknown
reason, to be a chandler; in the
shabby young man accompanied by
Mistigris, a fellow of no
account; in Oscar a ninny, and in Pere
Leger, the fat farmer, an excellent subject to hoax. Having thus
looked over the ground, he
resolved to amuse himself at the expense of
such companions.
"Let me see," he thought to himself, as the coucou went down the hill
from La Chapelle to the plain of Saint-Denis, "shall I pass myself off
for Etienne or Beranger? No, these idiots don't know who they are.
Carbonaro? the deuce! I might get myself arrested. Suppose I say I'm
the son of Marshal Ney? Pooh! what could I tell them?--about the
execution of my father? It wouldn't be funny. Better be a disguised
Russian
prince and make them
swallow a lot of stuff about the Emperor
Alexander. Or I might be Cousin, and talk
philosophy; oh, couldn't I
perplex 'em! But no, that
shabby fellow with the tousled head looks to
me as if he had jogged his way through the Sorbonne. What a pity! I
can mimic an Englishman so
perfectly I might have pretended to be Lord
Byron, travelling incognito. Sapristi! I'll command the troops of Ali,
pacha of Janina!"
During this
mental monologue, the coucou rolled through clouds of dust
rising on either side of it from that much travelled road.
"What dust!" cried Mistigris.
"Henry IV. is dead!" retorted his master. "If you'd say it was scented
with
vanilla that would be emitting a new opinion."
"You think you're witty," replied Mistigris. "Well, it IS like
vanillaat times."
"In the Levant--" said Georges, with the air of
beginning a story.
"'Ex Oriente flux,'" remarked Mistigris's master, interrupting the
speaker.
"I said in the Levant, from which I have just returned," continued
Georges, "the dust smells very good; but here it smells of nothing,
except in some old dust-barrel like this."
"Has
monsieurlately returned from the Levant?" said Mistigris,
maliciously. "He isn't much tanned by the sun."
"Oh! I've just left my bed after an
illness of three months, from the
germ, so the doctors said, of suppressed plague."
"Have you had the plague?" cried the count, with a
gesture of alarm.
"Pierrotin, stop!"
"Go on, Pierrotin," said Mistigris. "Didn't you hear him say it was
inward, his plague?" added the rapin, talking back to Monsieur de
Serizy. "It isn't catching; it only comes out in conversation."
"Mistigris! if you
interfere again I'll have you put off into the
road," said his master. "And so," he added, turning to Georges,
"
monsieur has been to the East?"
"Yes,
monsieur; first to Egypt, then to Greece, where I served under
Ali, pacha of Janina, with whom I had a terrible quarrel. There's no
enduring those climates long; besides, the emotions of all kinds in
Oriental life have disorganized my liver."
"What, have you served as a soldier?" asked the fat farmer. "How old
are you?"
"Twenty-nine," replied Georges,
whereupon all the passengers looked at
him. "At eighteen I enlisted as a private for the famous
campaign of
1813; but I was present at only one battle, that of Hanau, where I was
promoted sergeant-major. In France, at Montereau, I won the rank of
sub-lieutenant, and was decorated by,--there are no informers here,
I'm sure,--by the Emperor."
"What! are you decorated?" cried Oscar. "Why don't you wear your