August 9. Nothing, but I am afraid.
August 10. Nothing; but what will happen to-morrow?
August 11. Still nothing. I cannot stop at home with this fear
hanging over me and these thoughts in my mind; I shall go away.
August 12. Ten o'clock at night. All day long I have been trying
to get away, and have not been able. I contemplated a simple and
easy act of liberty, a
carriage ride to Rouen--and I have not
been able to do it. What is the reason?
August 13. When one is attacked by certain maladies, the springs
of our
physical being seem broken, our energies destroyed, our
muscles relaxed, our bones to be as soft as our flesh, and our
blood as
liquid as water. I am experiencing the same in my moral
being, in a strange and distressing manner. I have no longer any
strength, any courage, any
self-control, nor even any power to
set my own will in
motion. I have no power left to WILL anything,
but some one does it for me and I obey.
August 14. I am lost! Somebody possesses my soul and governs it!
Somebody orders all my acts, all my movements, all my thoughts. I
am no longer master of myself, nothing except an enslaved and
terrified
spectator of the things which I do. I wish to go out; I
cannot. HE does not wish to; and so I remain, trembling and
distracted in the
armchair in which he keeps me sitting. I merely
wish to get up and to rouse myself, so as to think that I am
still master of myself: I cannot! I am riveted to my chair, and
my chair adheres to the floor in such a manner that no force of
mine can move us.
Then suddenly, I must, I MUST go to the foot of my garden to pick
some strawberries and eat them --and I go there. I pick the
strawberries and I eat them! Oh! my God! my God! Is there a God?
If there be one, deliver me! save me!
succor me! Pardon! Pity!
Mercy! Save me! Oh! what sufferings! what torture! what horror!
August 15. Certainly this is the way in which my poor cousin was
possessed and swayed, when she came to borrow five thousand
francs of me. She was under the power of a strange will which had
entered into her, like another soul, a parasitic and ruling soul.
Is the world coming to an end?
But who is he, this
invisible being that rules me, this
unknowable being, this rover of a supernatural race?
Invisible beings exist, then! how is it, then, that since the
beginning of the world they have never
manifested themselves in
such a manner as they do to me? I have never read anything that
resembles what goes on in my house. Oh! If I could only leave it,
if I could only go away and flee, and never return, I should be
saved; but I cannot.
August 16. I managed to escape to-day for two hours, like a
prisoner who finds the door of his
dungeonaccidentally open. I
suddenly felt that I was free and that He was far away, and so I
gave orders to put the horses in as quickly as possible, and I
drove to Rouen. Oh! how
delightful to be able to say to my
coachman: "Go to Rouen!"
I made him pull up before the library, and I begged them to lend
me Dr. Herrmann Herestauss's
treatise on the unknown inhabitants
of the ancient and modern world.
Then, as I was getting into my
carriage, I intended to say: "To
the railway station!" but instead of this I shouted--I did not
speak; but I shouted--in such a loud voice that all the
passers-by turned round: "Home!" and I fell back on to the
cushion of my
carriage,
overcome by
mental agony. He had found me
out and regained possession of me.
August 17. Oh! What a night! what a night! And yet it seems to me
that I ought to
rejoice. I read until one o'clock in the morning!
Herestauss, Doctor of Philosophy and Theogony, wrote the history
and the
manifestation of all those
invisible beings which hover
around man, or of whom he dreams. He describes their origin,
their domains, their power; but none of them resembles the one
which haunts me. One might say that man, ever since he has
thought, has had a foreboding and a fear of a new being, stronger
than himself, his
successor in this world, and that, feeling him
near, and not being able to foretell the nature of the unseen
one, he has, in his
terror, created the whole race of hidden
beings, vague phantoms born of fear.
Having,
therefore, read until one o'clock in the morning, I went
and sat down at the open window, in order to cool my
forehead and
my thoughts in the calm night air. It was very pleasant and warm!
How I should have enjoyed such a night formerly!
- convince [kən´vins] vt.使确信;使认识错误 (初中英语单词)
- overcome [,əuvə´kʌm] vt.战胜,克服 (初中英语单词)
- therefore [´ðeəfɔ:] ad.&conj.因此;所以 (初中英语单词)
- venture [´ventʃə] n.投机 v.冒险;敢于 (初中英语单词)
- altogether [,ɔ:ltə´geðə] ad.完全;总而言之 (初中英语单词)
- height [hait] n.高度;顶点;卓越 (初中英语单词)
- terribly [´terəbli] ad.可怕地 (初中英语单词)
- yesterday [´jestədi] n.&ad.昨天;前不久 (初中英语单词)
- distinctly [di´stiŋktli] ad.清楚地,明晰地 (初中英语单词)
- invisible [in´vizəbəl] a.看不见的;无形的 (初中英语单词)
- furious [´fjuəriəs] a.狂怒的;猛烈的 (初中英语单词)
- disturb [di´stə:b] vt.扰乱;使不安;打乱 (初中英语单词)
- intelligent [in´telidʒənt] a.聪明的;理智的 (初中英语单词)
- absolutely [´æbsəlu:tli] ad.绝对地;确实 (初中英语单词)
- conscious [´kɔnʃəs] a.意识的;自觉的 (初中英语单词)
- reasonable [´rizənəbəl] a.合理的;有理智的 (初中英语单词)
- faculty [´fækəlti] n.才干;天赋;院,系 (初中英语单词)
- consequence [´kɔnsikwəns] n.结果;后果;推断 (初中英语单词)
- surprising [sə´praiziŋ] a.惊人的;意外的 (初中英语单词)
- delightful [di´laitful] a.讨人喜欢的 (初中英语单词)
- beloved [bi´lʌvd] a.为….所爱的 n.爱人 (初中英语单词)
- despite [di´spait] prep.尽管 (初中英语单词)
- carriage [´kæridʒ] n.马车;客车;货运 (初中英语单词)
- physical [´fizikəl] a.物质的;有形的 (初中英语单词)
- liquid [´likwid] n.液体 a.流动的 (初中英语单词)
- mental [´mentl] a.精神的;心理的 (初中英语单词)
- rejoice [ri´dʒɔis] v.(使)高兴;欢庆 (初中英语单词)
- philosophy [fi´lɔsəfi] n.哲学;人生观 (初中英语单词)
- terror [´terə] n.恐怖;惊骇 (初中英语单词)
- forehead [´fɔrid] n.额,前部 (初中英语单词)
- fatigue [fə´ti:g] n.&vt.(使)疲劳(劳累) (高中英语单词)
- decidedly [di´saididli] ad.坚决地,果断地 (高中英语单词)
- transparent [træns´peərənt] a.透明的;显而易见的 (高中英语单词)
- motionless [´məuʃənləs] a.静止的;固定的 (高中英语单词)
- wholesome [´həulsəm] a.有益于健康的 (高中英语单词)
- hitherto [,hiðə´tu:] ad.至今,迄今 (高中英语单词)
- disturbance [di´stə:bəns] n.扰乱,骚动 (高中英语单词)
- precisely [pri´saisli] ad.精确地;刻板地 (高中英语单词)
- profound [prə´faund] a.深奥的;渊博的 (高中英语单词)
- apparatus [,æpə´reitəs] n.仪器;装置 (高中英语单词)
- brightly [´braitli] ad.明亮地;聪明地 (高中英语单词)
- painful [´peinfəl] a.痛(苦)的;费力的 (高中英语单词)
- uneasy [ʌn´i:zi] a.不安的;不自在的 (高中英语单词)
- fantastic [fæn´tæstik] a.奇异的;荒谬的 (高中英语单词)
- manifest [´mænifest] a.明显的 v.表明 (高中英语单词)
- motion [´məuʃən] n.手势 vt.打手势 (高中英语单词)
- spectator [spek´teitə] n.观众,旁观者 (高中英语单词)
- dungeon [´dʌndʒən] n.地牢,土牢 (高中英语单词)
- successor [sək´sesə] n.继承人,接班人 (高中英语单词)
- magnetic [mæg´netik] a.磁(性)的 (英语四级单词)
- vigorously [´vigərəsli] ad.精力旺盛地;健壮地 (英语四级单词)
- desperation [,despə´reiʃən] n.铤而走险,拼命 (英语四级单词)
- freshly [´freʃli] ad.新近,刚才 (英语四级单词)
- precise [pri´sais] a.精确的;清楚的 (英语四级单词)
- profoundly [prə´faundli] ad.深深地 (英语四级单词)
- fathom [´fæðəm] n.英寻 vt.推测,揣摩 (英语四级单词)
- accomplished [ə´kʌmpliʃt] a.完成了的;熟练的 (英语四级单词)
- invalid [in´vælid] n.病人 a.无效的 (英语四级单词)
- armchair [´ɑ:mtʃeə] n.扶手椅 (英语四级单词)
- succor [´sʌkə] n.救援 vt.支援 (英语四级单词)
- treatise [´tri:tiz, -tis] n.(专题)论文 (英语四级单词)
- footman [´futmən] n.侍应员;男仆 (英语六级单词)
- culprit [´kʌlprit] n.犯人;罪犯 (英语六级单词)
- riverside [´rivəsaid] n.河岸 a.河岸上的 (英语六级单词)
- phenomena [fi´nɔminə] phenomenon的复数 (英语六级单词)
- unlikely [ʌn´laikli] a.不像的;未必可能的 (英语六级单词)
- imaginative [i´mædʒənətiv] a.富于想象(力)的 (英语六级单词)
- inexplicable [,inik´splikəbəl] a.难以理解的 (英语六级单词)
- discomfort [dis´kʌmfət] n.不适;不安;困难 (英语六级单词)
- self-control [,self´kəntrəul] n.自我克制 (英语六级单词)
- accidentally [,æksi´dentəli] ad.偶然地 (英语六级单词)
- manifestation [,mænife´steiʃən] n.表明;现象 (英语六级单词)