brakes. What hellish thing drives me? Why can't I end it all?
What is left? Only that
damned unquenchable spirit of the
gun-fighter to live--to hang on to
miserable life--to have no
fear of death, yet to cling like a leach--to die as
gun-fighters seldom die, with boots off! Bain, you were first,
and you're long avenged. I'd change with you. And Sellers, you
were last, and you're avenged. And you others--you're avenged.
Lie quiet in your graves and give me peace!"
But they did not lie quiet in their graves and give him peace.
A group of specters trooped out of the shadows of dusk and,
gathering round him, escorted him to his bed.
When Duane had been riding the trails passion-bent to escape
pursuers, or passion-bent in his search, the
constant action
and toil and
exhaustion made him sleep. But when in hiding, as
time passed, gradually he required less rest and sleep, and his
mind became more active. Little by little his phantoms gained
hold on him, and at length, but for the saving power of his
dreams, they would have claimed him utterly.
How many times he had said to himself: "I am an intelligent
man. I'm not crazy. I'm in full possession of my faculties. All
this is fancy--imagination--conscience. I've no work, no duty,
no ideal, no hope--and my mind is obsessed, thronged with
images. And these images naturally are of the men with whom I
have dealt. I can't forget them. They come back to me, hour
after hour; and when my
tortured mind grows weak, then maybe
I'm not just right till the mood wears out and lets me sleep."
So he reasoned as he lay down in his comfortable camp. The
night was star-bright above the canon-walls,
darkly shadowing
down between them. The insects hummed and chirped and thrummed
a
continuous thick song, low and
monotonous. Slow-running water
splashed
softly over stones in the stream-bed. From far down
the canon came the
mournful hoot of an owl. The moment he lay
down,
thereby giving up action for the day, all these things
weighed upon him like a great heavy
mantle of
loneliness. In
truth, they did not
constituteloneliness.
And he could no more have dispelled thought than he could have
reached out to touch a cold, bright star.
He wondered how many outcasts like him lay under this
star-studded, velvety sky across the fifteen hundred miles of
wild country between El Paso and the mouth of the river. A vast
wild territory--a
refuge for
outlaws! Somewhere he had heard or
read that the Texas Rangers kept a book with names and records
of
outlaws--three thousand known
outlaws. Yet these could
scarcely be half of that
unfortunate horde which had been
recruited from all over the states. Duane had
traveled from
camp to camp, den to den, hiding-place to hiding-place, and he
knew these men. Most of them were
hopeless criminals; some were
avengers; a few were wronged wanderers; and among them
occasionally was a man, human in his way, honest as he could
be, not yet lost to good.
But all of them were akin in one sense--their
outlawry; and
that
starry night they lay with their dark faces up, some in
packs like wolves, others alone like the gray wolf who knew no
mate. It did not make much difference in Duane's thought of
them that the majority were steeped in crime and brutality,
more often than not
stupid from rum,
incapable of a fine
feeling, just lost wild dogs.
Duane doubted that there was a man among them who did not
realize his moral wreck and ruin. He had met poor, half witted
wretches who knew it. He believed he could enter into their
minds and feel the truth of all their lives--the hardened
outlaw,
coarse,
ignorant, bestial, who murdered as Bill Black
had murdered, who stole for the sake of stealing, who craved
money to
gamble and drink, defiantly ready for death, and, like
that terrible
outlaw, Helm, who cried out on the scaffold, "Let
her rip!"
The wild youngsters seeking notoriety and
reckless adventure;
the cowboys with a notch on their guns, with boastful pride in
the knowledge that they were marked by rangers; the
crooked men
from the North, defaulters, forgers, murderers, all pale-faced,
flat-chested men not fit for that
wilderness and not surviving;
the
dishonest cattlemen, hand and glove with
outlaws, driven
from their homes; the old grizzled, bow-legged genuine
rustlers--all these Duane had come in
contact with, had watched