to laziness.
"Why, you skulking little devil, you," they would say, "get up and do
something for your living, can't you?" - not
knowing, of course, that I
was ill.
And they didn't give me pills; they gave me clumps on the side of the
head. And, strange as it may appear, those clumps on the head often
cured me - for the time being. I have known one clump on the head have
more effect upon my liver, and make me feel more
anxious to go straight
away then and there, and do what was wanted to be done, without further
loss of time, than a whole box of pills does now.
You know, it often is so - those simple,
old-fashioned remedies are
sometimes more efficacious than all the dispensary stuff.
We sat there for half-an-hour, describing to each other our maladies. I
explained to George and William Harris how I felt when I got up in the
morning, and William Harris told us how he felt when he went to bed; and
George stood on the hearth-rug, and gave us a clever and powerful piece
of
acting, illustrative of how he felt in the night.
George FANCIES he is ill; but there's never anything really the matter
with him, you know.
At this point, Mrs. Poppets knocked at the door to know if we were ready
for supper. We smiled sadly at one another, and said we
supposed we had
better try to
swallow a bit. Harris said a little something in one's
stomach often kept the disease in check; and Mrs. Poppets brought the
tray in, and we drew up to the table, and toyed with a little steak and
onions, and some rhubarb tart.
I must have been very weak at the time; because I know, after the first
half-hour or so, I seemed to take no interest
whatever in my food - an
unusual thing for me - and I didn't want any cheese.
This duty done, we refilled our glasses, lit our pipes, and resumed the
discussion upon our state of health. What it was that was
actually the
matter with us, we none of us could be sure of; but the
unanimous opinion
was that it -
whatever it was - had been brought on by overwork.
"What we want is rest," said Harris.
"Rest and a complete change," said George. "The overstrain upon our
brains has produced a general
depression throughout the
system. Change
of scene, and
absence of the necessity for thought, will
restore the
mental equilibrium."
George has a cousin, who is usually described in the charge-sheet as a
medical student, so that he naturally has a somewhat family-physicianary
way of putting things.
I agreed with George, and suggested that we should seek out some retired
and old-world spot, far from the madding crowd, and dream away a sunny
week among its
drowsy lanes - some half-forgotten nook,
hidden away by
the fairies, out of reach of the noisy world - some quaint-perched eyrie
on the cliffs of Time, from
whence the surging waves of the nineteenth
century would sound
far-off and faint.
Harris said he thought it would be humpy. He said he knew the sort of
place I meant; where everybody went to bed at eight o'clock, and you
couldn't get a REFEREE for love or money, and had to walk ten miles to
get your baccy.
"No," said Harris, "if you want rest and change, you can't beat a sea
trip."
I objected to the sea trip
strongly. A sea trip does you good when you
are going to have a couple of months of it, but, for a week, it is
wicked.
You start on Monday with the idea implanted in your bosom that you are
going to enjoy yourself. You wave an airy adieu to the boys on shore,
light your biggest pipe, and swagger about the deck as if you were
Captain Cook, Sir Francis Drake, and Christopher Columbus all rolled into
one. On Tuesday, you wish you hadn't come. On Wednesday, Thursday, and
Friday, you wish you were dead. On Saturday, you are able to
swallow a
little beef tea, and to sit up on deck, and answer with a wan, sweet
smile when kind-hearted people ask you how you feel now. On Sunday, you
begin to walk about again, and take solid food. And on Monday morning,
as, with your bag and
umbrella in your hand, you stand by the gunwale,
waiting to step
ashore, you begin to
thoroughly like it.
I remember my
brother-in-law going for a short sea trip once, for the
benefit of his health. He took a return berth from London to Liverpool;
and when he got to Liverpool, the only thing he was
anxious about was to
sell that return ticket.
It was offered round the town at a
tremendousreduction, so I am told;
and was
eventually sold for eighteenpence to a bilious-looking youth who
had just been advised by his
medical men to go to the sea-side, and take
exercise.
"Sea-side!" said my
brother-in-law, pressing the ticket
affectionately