Thompsons. While pulling on your gloves, however, it occurs to you
that the Thompsons are idiots; that they never have supper; and that
you will be expected to jump the baby. You curse the Thompsons and
decide not to go.
By this time you feel completely crushed. You bury your face in your
hands and think you would like to die and go to heaven. You picture
to yourself your own sick-bed, with all your friends and relations
standing round you
weeping. You bless them all, especially the young
and pretty ones. They will value you when you are gone, so you say to
yourself, and learn too late what they have lost; and you bitterly
contrast their presumed regard for you then with their
decided want of
veneration now.
These reflections make you feel a little more
cheerful, but only for a
brief period; for the next moment you think what a fool you must be to
imagine for an
instant that anybody would be sorry at anything that
might happen to you. Who would care two straws (whatever precise
amount of care two straws may represent) whether you are blown up, or
hung up, or married, or drowned? Nobody cares for you. You never
have been
properly appreciated, never met with your due deserts in any
one particular. You
review the whole of your past life, and it is
painfully
apparent that you have been ill-used from your cradle.
Half an hour's
indulgence in these considerations works you up into a
state of
savage fury against everybody and everything, especially
yourself, whom anatomical reasons alone prevent your kicking.
Bed-time at last comes, to save you from doing something rash, and you
spring
upstairs, throw off your clothes, leaving them
strewn all over
the room, blow out the candle, and jump into bed as if you had backed
yourself for a heavy wager to do the whole thing against time. There
you toss and tumble about for a couple of hours or so, varying the
monotony by
occasionally jerking the clothes off and getting out and
putting them on again. At length you drop into an
uneasy and fitful
slumber, have bad dreams, and wake up late the next morning.
At least, this is all we poor single men can do under the
circumstances. Married men bully their wives,
grumble at the dinner,
and insist on the children's going to bed. All of which, creating, as
it does, a good deal of
disturbance in the house, must be a great
relief to the feelings of a man in the blues, rows being the only form
of
amusement in which he can take any interest.
The symptoms of the
infirmity are much the same in every case, but the
affliction itself is variously termed. The poet says that "a feeling
of
sadness comes o'er him." 'Arry refers to the heavings of his
wayward heart by confiding to Jimee that he has "got the blooming
hump." Your sister doesn't know what is the matter with her to-night.
She feels out of sorts
altogether and hopes nothing is going to
happen. The every-day young man is "so awful glad to meet you, old
fellow," for he does "feel so jolly
miserable this evening." As for
myself, I generally say that "I have a strange, unsettled feeling
to-night" and "think I'll go out."
By the way, it never does come except in the evening. In the
sun-time, when the world is bounding forward full of life, we cannot
stay to sigh and sulk. The roar of the
working day drowns the voices
of the elfin sprites that are ever singing their low-toned _miserere_
in our ears. In the day we are angry, disappointed, or
indignant, but
never "in the blues" and never
melancholy. When things go wrong at
ten o'clock in the morning we--or rather you--swear and knock the
furniture about; but if the
misfortune comes at ten P.M., we read
poetry or sit in the dark and think what a hollow world this is.
But, as a rule, it is not trouble that makes us
melancholy. The
actuality is too stern a thing for
sentiment. We
linger to weep over
a picture, but from the original we should quickly turn our eyes away.
There is no pathos in real
misery: no
luxury in real grief. We do not
toy with sharp swords nor hug a gnawing fox to our breast for choice.
When a man or woman loves to brood over a sorrow and takes care to
keep it green in their memory, you may be sure it is no longer a pain
to them. However they may have suffered from it at first, the
recollection has become by then a pleasure. Many dear old ladies who
daily look at tiny shoes lying in lavender-scented drawers, and weep
as they think of the tiny feet whose toddling march is done, and