What do you want, my girl?















I want to be a lady in a flow'r shop...















...'stead of sellin' at the corner



of Tottenham Court Road.















But they won't take me



unless I can talk more genteel.















He said 'e could teach me.















Well, 'ere I am ready to pay 'im.















Not asking any favor



and he treats me as if I was dirt.















I know what lessons cost as well as you do



and I'm ready to pay.















How much?















Now you're talkin'.















I thought you'd come off it



for a chance to get back...















...a bit of what you chucked



at me last night.















You'd had a drop in, 'adn't you?















Sit down.















-If you're goin' t' make a compliment of it--



-Sit down!















Sit down, girl. Do as you're told.















What's your name?















Eliza Doolittle.















Won't you sit down, Miss Doolittle?















I don't mind if I do.















How much do you propose



to pay me for these lessons?















Oh, I know what's right.















My lady friend gets French lessons



for pence an hour...















...from a real French gentleman.















You wouldn't have the face



to ask me the same...















...for teachin' me my own language



as you would for French.















I won't give more than a shillin'.



Take it or leave it.















Do you know, Pickering,



if you think of a shilling...















...not as a simple shilling,



but as a percentage of this girl's income...















...it works out as fully equivalent of...















... or pounds from a millionaire.















By George, it's enormous.



It's the biggest offer I ever had.















Sixty pounds? What are you talkin' about?



Where would I get pounds?















-I never offered you pounds!



-Hold your tongue!















But I ain't got pounds!















Don't cry, silly girl. Sit down.



Nobody's going to touch your money.















Somebody'll touch you with a broomstick



if you don't stop sniveling.















Sit down!















Anybody'd think you was my father!















If I decide to teach you,



I'll be worse than two fathers to you.















Here.















What's this for?















To wipe your eyes. To wipe any part



of your face that feels moist.















Remember, that's your handkerchief



and that's your sleeve.















Don't confuse one with the other,



if you want to become a lady in a shop.















It's no use to talk to her like that.



She doesn't understand you.















Give the 'andkerchief to me.



He give it to me, not to you!















Higgins, I'm interested.















What about your boast...















...you could pass her off as a duchess



at the Embassy Ball?















I'll say you're the greatest teacher alive



if you do that.















I'll bet you all the expenses



of the experiment that you can't do it.















I'll even pay for the lessons.















You're real good. Thank ye, Capt'n.















It's almost irresistible.















She's so deliciously low.















So horribly dirty.















I ain't dirty! I washed my face an' hands



before I come, I did.















I'll take it. I'll make a duchess



of this draggle-tailed guttersnipe.















We'll start today. This moment.



Take her away and clean her.















Sandpaper, if it won't come off.



Is there a fire in the kitchen?















Take her clothes off and burn them



and order some new ones.















Just wrap her in brown paper



till they come.















You're no gentleman, you're not,



to talk o' such things.















I'm a good girl, I am.















And I know what the likes of you are, I do.















We want none of your slum prudery here,



young woman.















You've got to learn to behave



like a duchess.















Take her away, Mrs. Pearce.



If she gives you any trouble, wallop her.















I'll call the police, I will.















I've got no place to put her.















Well, put her in the dustbin.















Come, Higgins, be reasonable.















You must be reasonable,



Mr. Higgins, you must.















You can't walk over everybody like this.















I?















Walk over everybody?















My dear Mrs. Pearce, my dear Pickering,



I had no intention of walking over anybody.















I merely suggested we should be kind



to this poor girl.















I didn't express myself clearly



because I didn't wish to hurt her delicacy...















...or yours.















But, sir, you can't take a girl up like that...















...as if you were picking up



a pebble on the beach.















Why not?















Why not? But you don't know



anything about her.















What about her parents?



She may be married.















Garn!















There. As the girl



very properly says, '"garn! '"















Who'd marry me?















By George, Eliza...















...the streets will be strewn



with the bodies of men...















...shooting themselves for your sake



before I'm done with you.















I'm goin'.















He's off his chump, he is.



I don't want no balmies teachin' me.















Mad? All right, Mrs. Pearce,



don't order those new clothes.















-Throw her out.



-Stop! I won't allow it.















Go home to your parents, girl.















I ain't got no parents.















She ain't got no parents. What's the fuss?















Nobody wants her. She's no use



to anyone but me. Take her upstairs!















What's to become of her?



ls she to be paid anything?















Do be sensible, sir.















What'd she do with money?



She'll have food and clothes.















She'll drink if you give her money.















You are a brute! It's a lie!















Nobody ever saw the sign o' liquor on me.















Sir, you're a gentleman.



Don't let 'im speak to me like that!















Does it occur to you, Higgins,



the girl has some feelings?















No, I don't think so.



No feelings we need worry about.















Well, have you, Eliza?















I got me feelings same as anyone else.















Mr. Higgins, I must know on what terms



the girl is to be here.















What'll become of her



when you've finished teaching?















You must look ahead a little, sir.















What'll become of her if we leave her



in the gutter, Mrs. Pearce?















That's her own business,



not yours, Mr. Higgins.















When I'm done, we'll throw her back.















Then it'll be her own business again.



That'll be all right, won't it?















You've no feelin' 'eart in ya!















You don't care for nothin' but yourself.















I've 'ad enough of this. I'm goin'!















You ought to be ashamed of yourself!















Have some chocolates, Eliza.















'Ow do I know what might be in 'em?















I've 'eard of girls bein' drugged



by the likes o' you.















Pledge of good faith.















I'll take one half.















And you take the other.















You'll have boxes of them,



barrels of them every day.















You'll live on them, eh?















I wouldn't 've ate it, only I'm too ladylike



to take it out o' me mouth.















Think of it, Eliza.



Think of chocolates, and taxis...















...and gold and diamonds.















I don't want no gold and no diamonds.



I'm a good girl, I am.















Higgins, I really must interfere.



Mrs. Pearce is quite right.















If this girl will put herself



in your hands for six months...















...for an experiment in teaching, she must



understand thoroughly what she's doing.















You are to stay here



for the next six months...















...learning how to speak beautifully



like a lady in a florist shop.















If you're good and do what you're told,



you'll sleep in a proper bedroom...















...have lots to eat, money



to buy chocolates and take rides in taxis.















But if you are naughty and idle...















...you'll sleep in the kitchen



amongst the black beetles...















...and be walloped by Mrs. Pearce



with a broomstick.















At the end of six months,



you shall be taken to Buckingham Palace...















...in a carriage, beautifully dressed.















If the king finds out



that you are not a lady...















...the police will take you to the Tower



of London where your head will be cut off...















...as a warning to other



presumptuous flower girls.















But if you are not found out,



you shall have a present of...















...seven and six to start life with



as a lady in a shop.















If you refuse this offer...















...you will be the most ungrateful,



wicked girl...















...and the angels will weep for you!















Are you satisfied, Pickering?















I don't understand



what you're talking about.















Could I put it more plainly or fairly,



Mrs. Pearce?















Come with me.















That's right.



Bundle her off to the bathroom.















You're a great bully, you are!















I won't stay here if I don't like it.



I won't let nobody wallop me!















Don't answer back, girl.















I've always been a good girl, I 'ave.















In six months...in three,



if she has a good ear and a quick tongue...















...l'll take her anywhere



and I'll pass her off as anything.















I'll make a queen of that barbarous wretch!















I've never had a bath in me life.



Not what you'd call a proper one.















You know you can't be a nice girl inside



if you're dirty outside.















I'll have to put you in here.



This will be your bedroom.















I couldn't sleep in here, missus.















It's too good for the likes o' me.















I should be afraid to touch anythin'.















I ain't a duchess yet, you know.















What's this?



This where you wash clothes?















This is where we wash ourselves, Eliza.



And where I'm going to wash you.















You expect me to get into that



and wet meself all over?















Not me!















I shall catch me death.















Come along now.















Come along.















Take your clothes off.















Come on, girl, do as you're told.



Take your clothes off.















Here, come on. Help me take these--















Take your hands off me!















I'm a good girl, I am!















It ain't right! It ain't decent!















Get your hands off me!















I'm a good girl, I am!















Forgive the bluntness,



but if I'm to be in this business...















...l shall feel responsible for the girl.















I hope it's clearly understood that



no advantage is to be taken of her position.















What, that thing? Sacred, I assure you.















Come now, you know what I mean.



This is no trifling matter.















Are you a man of good character



where women are concerned?















Have you ever met a man of good



character where women are concerned?















Yes, very frequently.















I haven't. The moment I let a woman



make friends with me...















...she becomes jealous, exacting...















...suspicious and a damnednuisance.















The moment that I make friends with



a woman I become selfish and tyrannical.















So here I am, a confirmed old bachelor



and likely to remain so.















Well, after all, Pickering....















'"l'm an ordinary man















'"Who desires nothing more















'"Than just an ordinary chance















'"To live exactly as he likes















'"And do precisely what he wants















'"An average man, am I















'"Of no eccentric whim















'"Who likes to live his life















'"Free of strife















'"Doing whatever he thinks is best for him















'"Oh, just an ordinary man















'"But let a woman in your life















'"And your serenity is through















'"She'll redecorate your home



From the cellar to the dome















'"Then go on to the enthralling fun



of overhauling you!















'"Let a woman in your life















'"And you are up against a wall















'"Make a plan and you will find



She has something else in mind















'"So rather than do either



You do something else that neither















'"Likes at all!















'"You want to talk of Keats or Milton















'"She only wants to talk of love















'"You go to see a play or ballet















'"And spend it searching for her glove















'"Let a woman in your life















'"And you invite eternal strife















'"Let them buy their wedding bands















'"For those anxious little hands















'"l'd be equally as willing



For a dentist to be drilling















'"Than to ever let a woman in my life!















'"l'm a very gentle man















'"Even-tempered and good-natured



Whom you never hear complain















'"Who has the milk of human kindness



By the quart in every vein















'"A patient man am I



Down to my fingertips















'"The sort who never could



Ever would















'"Let an insulting remark escape his lips















'"A very gentle man















'"But let a woman in your life















'"And patience hasn't got a chance















'"She will beg you for advice



Your reply will be concise















'"And she'll listen very nicely















'"Then go out and do precisely



What she wants!















'"You were a man of grace and polish















'"Who never spoke above a hush















'"Now all at once you're using language















'"That would make a sailor blush















'"Let a woman in your life















'"And you're plunging in a knife!















'"Let the others of my sex















'"Tie the knot around their necks















'"l'd prefer a new edition



Of the Spanish lnquisition















'"Than to ever let a woman in my life















'"l'm a quiet-living man















'"Who prefers to spend the evenings















'"ln the silence of his room















'"Who likes an atmosphere as restful















'"As an undiscovered tomb















'"A pensive man am I



Of philosophic joys















'"Who likes to meditate, contemplate















'"Free from humanity's mad, inhuman noise















'"A quiet-living man















'"But let a woman in your life















'"And your sabbatical is through















'"ln a line that never ends



Come an army of her friends















'"Come to jabber and to chatter



And to tell her















'"What the matter is with you!















'"She'll have a booming, boisterous family















'"Who will descend on you en masse















'"She'll have a large, Wagnerian mother















'"With a voice that shatters glass!















'"Let a woman in your life















'"l shall never let a woman...















'"...in my life! '"















Get out of 'ere. Jamie, you get out, too!















Come on, Doolittle. And remember,



drinks is to be paid for or not drunk.















Thanks for your 'ospitality, George.















Send the bill to Buckingham Palace.















Well, Alfie, there's nothin' else to do.



I guess it's back to work.















Work! Don't you dare mention



that word in my presence again.















Look at all these poor blighters down here.















I used to do that sort of thing once.



Just for exercise.















It's not worth it. Takes up your whole day.















Don't worry, boys.



We'll get outta this somehow.















How do you think you'll do that?















How? Same as always.















Faith, hope and a little bit o' luck.















'"The Lord above gave man an arm of iron















'"So he could do his job and never shirk















'"The Lord above gave man



an arm of iron, but















'"With a little bit o' luck



With a little bit o' luck















'"Someone else'll do the blinkin' work!















'"With a little bit















'"With a little bit















'"With a little bit o' luck



You'll never work















'"The Lord above made liquor



for temptation















'"To see if man could turn away from sin















'"The Lord above made liquor



for temptation, but















'"With a little bit o' luck



With a little bit o' luck















'"When temptation comes



you'll give right in.















'"With a little bit















'"With a little bit















'"With a little bit o' luck



You'll give right in.















'"Oh, you can walk the straight and narrow















'"But with a little bit o' luck



you'll run amuck!















'"The gentle sex was made



for man to marry















'"To share his nest



and see his food is cooked















'"The gentle sex was made



for man to marry, but















'"With a little bit o' luck



With a little bit o' luck















'"You can have it all and not get hooked.















'"With a little bit















'"With a little bit















'"With a little bit o' luck



You won't get hooked















'"With a little bit















'"With a little bit















'"With a little bit o' bloomin' luck!















'"They're always throwing goodness at you















'"But with a little bit o' luck a man can duck















'"The Lord above made man



to 'elp his neighbor















'"No matter where on land, or sea, or foam















'"The Lord above made man



to 'elp his neighbor, but















'"With a little bit o' luck



With a little bit o' luck















'"When he comes around



you won't be home'"















You'd make a good suffragette, Alfie.















Why, there's the lucky man now.















The Honorable Alfie Doolittle.















What are you doing in Eliza's hous

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