STREPSIADES
By Zeus! That's no lie! Soon I shall be nothing but wheat-flour,
if you powder me in that fashion.
SOCRATES
Silence, old man, give heed to the prayers. (In an hierophantic
tone) Oh! most
mighty king, the
boundless air, that keepest the
earth suspended in space, thou bright Aether and ye
venerablegoddesses, the Clouds, who carry in your loins the
thunder and the
lightning, arise, ye
sovereign powers and
manifest yourselves in the
celestial spheres to the eyes of your sage.
STREPSIADES
Not yet! Wait a bit, till I fold my
mantle double, so as not to
get wet. And to think that I did not even bring my travelling cap!
What a misfortune!
SOCRATES (ignoring this)
Come, oh! Clouds, whom I adore, come and show yourselves to this
man, whether you be resting on the
sacred summits of Olympus,
crowned with hoar-frost, or tarrying in the gardens of Ocean, your
father, forming
sacredchoruses with the Nymphs; whether you be
gathering the waves of the Nile in golden vases or
dwelling in the
Maeotic marsh or on the snowy rocks of Mimas,
hearken to my prayer and
accept my
offering. May these sacrifices be
pleasing to you.
(Amidst rumblings of
thunder the CHORUS OF CLOUDS appears.)
CHORUS (singing)
Eternal Clouds, let us appear; let us arise from the roaring
depths of Ocean, our father; let us fly towards the lofty mountains,
spread our damp wings over their forest-laden summits,
whence we
will
dominate the distant valleys, the
harvest fed by the
sacredearth, the murmur of the
divine streams and the resounding waves of
the sea, which the unwearying orb lights up with its glittering beams.
But let us shake off the rainy fogs, which hide our
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immortal beauty
and sweep the earth from afar with our gaze.
SOCRATES
Oh, venerated goddesses, yes, you are answering my call! (To
STREPSIADES.) Did you hear their voices mingling with the awful
growling of the
thunder?
STREPSIADES
Oh! adorable Clouds, I
revere you and I too am going to let off my
thunder, so greatly has your own affrighted me. (He farts.) Faith!
whether permitted or not, I must, I must crap!
SOCRATES
No scoffing; do not copy those
damned comic poets. Come,
silence! a numerous host of goddesses approaches with songs.
CHORUS (singing)
Virgins, who pour forth the rains, let us move toward Attica,
the rich country of Pallas, the home of the brave; let us visit the
dear land of Cecrops, where the secret rites are
celebrated, where the
mysterious
sanctuary flies open to the
initiate.... What victims are
offered there to the deities of heaven! What
glorious temples! What
statues! What holy prayers to the rulers of Olympus! At every season
nothing but
sacred festivals, garlanded victims, is to be seen. Then
Spring brings round again the
joyous feasts of Dionysus, the
harmonious contests of the
choruses and the serious melodies of the
flute.
STREPSIADES
By Zeus! Tell me, Socrates, I pray you, who are these women, whose
language is so
solemn; can they be demi-goddesses?
SOCRATES
Not at all. They are the Clouds of heaven, great goddesses for the
lazy; to them we owe all, thoughts, speeches, trickery, roguery,
boasting, lies, sagacity.
STREPSIADES
Ah! that was why, as I listened to them, my mind spread out its
wings; it burns to
babble about trifles, to
maintain worthless
arguments, to voice its petty reasons, to
contradict, to tease some
opponent. But are they not going to show themselves? I should like
to see them, were it possible.
SOCRATES
Well, look this way in the direction of Parnes; I already see
those who are slowly descending.
STREPSIADES
But where, where? Show them to me.
SOCRATES
They are advancing in a
throng, following an
oblique path across
the dales and thickets.
STREPSIADES
Strange! I can see nothing.
SOCRATES
There, close to the entrance.
STREPSIADES
Hardly, if at all, can I
distinguish them.
SOCRATES
You must see them clearly now, unless your eyes are filled with
gum as thick as pumpkins.
STREPSIADES
Aye, undoubtedly! Oh! the
venerable goddesses! Why, they fill up
the entire stage.
SOCRATES
And you did not know, you never suspected, that they were
goddesses?
STREPSIADES
No, indeed; I thought the Clouds were only fog, dew and vapour.
SOCRATES
But what you certainly do not know is that they are the support of
a crowd of quacks, the
diviners, who were sent to Thurium, the
notorious physicians, the well-combed fops, who load their fingers
with rings down to the nails, and the braggarts, who write dithyrambic
verses, all these are idlers whom the Clouds provide a living for,
because they sing them in their verses.
STREPSIADES
It is then for this that they praise "the rapid
flight of the
moist clouds, which veil the
brightness of day" and "the waving
locks of the hundred-headed Typho" and "the
impetuous tempests,
which float through the heavens, like birds of prey with
aerialwings loaded with mists" and "the rains, the dew, which the clouds
outpour." As a
reward for these fine phrases they bolt well-grown,
tasty mullet and
delicate thrushes.
SOCRATES
Yes, thanks to these. And is it not right and meet?
STREPSIADES
Tell me then why, if these really are the Clouds, they so very
much
resemblemortals. This is not their usual form.
SOCRATES
What are they like then?
STREPSIADES
I don't know exactly; well, they are like great packs of wool, but
not like women-no, not in the least....And these have noses.
SOCRATES
Answer my questions.
STREPSIADES
Willingly! Go on, I am listening.
SOCRATES
Have you not sometimes seen clouds in the sky like a centaur, a
leopard, a wolf or a bull?
STREPSIADES
Why, certainly I have, but what of that?
SOCRATES
They take what
metamorphosis they like. If they see a debauchee
with long flowing locks and hairy as a beast, like the son of
Xenophantes, they take the form of a Centaur in
derision of his
shameful passion.
STREPSIADES
And when they see Simon, that thiever of public money, what do
they do then?
SOCRATES
To picture him to the life, they turn at once into wolves.
STREPSIADES
So that was why
yesterday, when they saw Cleonymus, who cast
away his buckler because he is the veriest poltroon
amongst men,
they changed into deer.
SOCRATES
And to-day they have seen Clisthenes; you see....they are women
STREPSIADES
Hail,
sovereign goddesses, and if ever you have let your celestial
voice be heard by
mortal ears, speak to me, oh! speak to me, ye
all-powerful queens.
CHORUS-LEADER
Hail!
veteran of the ancient times, you who burn to instruct
yourself in fine language. And you, great high-priest of subtle
nonsense, tell us; your desire. To you and Prodicus alone of all the
hollow orationers of to-day have we lent an ear-to Prodicus, because
of his knowledge and his great
wisdom, and to you, because you walk
with head erect, a
confident look,
barefooted, resigned to
everything and proud of our protection.
STREPSIADES
Oh! Earth! What
august utterances! how
sacred! how wondrous!
SOCRATES
That is because these are the only goddesses; all the rest are
pure myth.
STREPSIADES
But by the Earth! is our father, Zeus, the Olympian, not a god?
SOCRATES
Zeus! what Zeus! Are you mad? There is no Zeus.
STREPSIADES
What are you
saying now? Who causes the rain to fall? Answer me
that!
SOCRATES
Why, these, and I will prove it. Have you ever seen it raining
without clouds? Let Zeus then cause rain with a clear sky and
without their presence!
STREPSIADES
By Apollo! that is powerfully argued! For my own part, I always
thought it was Zeus pissing into a sieve. But tell me, who is it makes
the
thunder, which I so much dread?
SOCRATES
These, when they roll one over the other.
STREPSIADES
But how can that be? you most
daring among men!
SOCRATES
Being full of water, and forced to move along, they are of
necessity precipitated in rain, being fully distended with moisture
from the regions where they have been floating; hence they bump each
other heavily and burst with great noise.
STREPSIADES
But is it not Zeus who forces them to move?
SOCRATES
Not at all; it's the
aerial Whirlwind.
STREPSIADES
The Whirlwind! ah! I did not know that. So Zeus, it seems, has
no
existence, and its the Whirlwind that reigns in his stead? But
you have not yet told me what makes the roll of the
thunder?
SOCRATES
Have you not understood me then? I tell you, that the Clouds, when
full of rain, bump against one another, and that, being inordinately
swollen out, they burst with a great noise.
STREPSIADES
How can you make me credit that?
SOCRATES
Take yourself as an example. When you have
heartily gorged on stew
at the Panathenaea, you get throes of stomach-ache and then suddenly
your belly resounds with prolonged rumbling.