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Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unsound a man

As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
That I have done for you.

VIOLA. I know of none,
Nor know I you by voice or any feature.

I hate ingratitude more in a man
Than lying, vainness, babbling drunkenness,

Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood.

ANTONIO. O heavens themselves!
SECOND OFFICER. Come, sir, I pray you go.

ANTONIO. Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,

Reliev'd him with such sanctity of love,
And to his image, which methinks的过去式">methought did promise

Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
FIRST OFFICER. What's that to us? The time goes by; away.

ANTONIO. But, O, how vile an idol proves this god!
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.

In nature there's no blemish but the mind:
None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind.

Virtue is beauty; but the beauteous evil
Are empty trunks, o'erflourish'd by the devil.

FIRST OFFICER. The man grows mad. Away with him.
Come, come, sir.

ANTONIO. Lead me on. Exit with OFFICERS
VIOLA. Methinks his words do from such passion fly

That he believes himself; so do not I.
Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,

That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!
SIR TOBY. Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian; we'll whisper

o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
VIOLA. He nam'd Sebastian. I my brother know

Yet living in my glass; even such and so
In favour was my brother; and he went

Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate. O, if it prove,

Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love! Exit
SIR TOBY. A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a

hare. His dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in
necessity and denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.

FABIAN. A coward, a most devoutcoward, religious in it.
AGUECHEEK. 'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.

SIR TOBY. Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.
AGUECHEEK. And I do not- Exit

FABIAN. Come, let's see the event.
SIR TOBY. I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.

Exeunt
ACT IV. SCENE I.

Before OLIVIA'S house
Enter SEBASTIAN and CLOWN

CLOWN. Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?
SEBASTIAN. Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow; let me be clear

of thee.
CLOWN. Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor I am not

sent to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her; nor your
name is not Master Cesario; nor this is not my nose neither.

Nothing that is so is so.
SEBASTIAN. I prithee vent thy folly somewhere else.

Thou know'st not me.
CLOWN. Vent my folly! He has heard that word of some great man, and

now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great
lubber, the world, will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird

thy strangeness, and tell me what I shall vent to my lady. Shall
I vent to her that thou art coming?

SEBASTIAN. I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me;
There's money for thee; if you tarry longer

I shall give worse payment.
CLOWN. By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men that

give fools money get themselves a good report after fourteen
years' purchase.

Enter SIR ANDREW, SIR TOBY, and FABIAN
AGUECHEEK. Now, sir, have I met you again?

[Striking SEBASTIAN] There's for you.
SEBASTIAN. Why, there's for thee, and there, and there.

Are all the people mad?
SIR TOBY. Hold, sir, or I'll throw your dagger o'er the house.

[Holding SEBASTIAN]
CLOWN. This will I tell my lady straight. I would not be in some of

your coats for two-pence. Exit
SIR TOBY. Come on, sir; hold.

AGUECHEEK. Nay, let him alone. I'll go another way to work with
him; I'll have an action of battery against him, if there be any

law in Illyria; though I struck him first, yet it's no matter for
that.

SEBASTIAN. Let go thy hand.
SIR TOBY. Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young soldier,

put up your iron; you are well flesh'd. Come on.
SEBASTIAN. I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now?

If thou dar'st tempt me further, draw thy sword. [Draws]
SIR TOBY. What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two of this

malapert blood from you. [Draws]
Enter OLIVIA

OLIVIA. Hold, Toby; on thy life, I charge thee hold.
SIR TOBY. Madam!

OLIVIA. Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,
Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,

Where manners ne'er were preach'd! Out of my sight!
Be not offended, dear Cesario-

Rudesby, be gone!
Exeunt SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN

I prithee, gentle friend,
Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway

In this uncivil and unjust extent
Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,

And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
This ruffian hath botch'd up, that thou thereby

Mayst smile at this. Thou shalt not choose but go;
Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me!

He started one poor heart of mine in thee.
SEBASTIAN. What relish is in this? How runs the stream?

Or I am mad, or else this is a dream.
Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;

If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!
OLIVIA. Nay, come, I prithee. Would thou'dst be rul'd by me!

SEBASTIAN. Madam, I will.
OLIVIA. O, say so, and so be! Exeunt

SCENE II.
OLIVIA'S house

Enter MARIA and CLOWN
MARIA. Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard; make him

believe thou art Sir Topas the curate; do it quickly. I'll call
Sir Toby the whilst. Exit

CLOWN. Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in't; and
I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I

am not tall enough to become the function well nor lean enough to
be thought a good student; but to be said an honest man and a

good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a careful man and a
great scholar. The competitors enter.

Enter SIR TOBY and MARIA
SIR TOBY. Jove bless thee, Master Parson.

CLOWN. Bonos dies, Sir Toby; for as the old hermit of Prague, that
never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to niece of King

Gorboduc 'That that is is'; so I, being Master Parson, am Master
Parson; for what is 'that' but that, and 'is' but is?

SIR TOBY. To him, Sir Topas.
CLOWN. What ho, I say! Peace in this prison!

SIR TOBY. The knave counterfeits well; a good knave.
MALVOLIO. [Within] Who calls there?

CLOWN. Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the
lunatic.

MALVOLIO. Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.
CLOWN. Out, hyperbolical fiend! How vexest thou this man!

Talkest thou nothing but of ladies?
SIR TOBY. Well said, Master Parson.

MALVOLIO. Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged. Good Sir Topas, do
not think I am mad; they have laid me here in hideous darkness.

CLOWN. Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most modest
terms, for I am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil

himself with courtesy. Say'st thou that house is dark?
MALVOLIO. As hell, Sir Topas.

CLOWN. Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, and the
clerestories toward the south north are as lustrous as ebony; and

yet complainest thou of obstruction?
MALVOLIO. I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you this house is dark.

CLOWN. Madman, thou errest. I say there is no darkness but
ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in

their fog.
MALVOLIO. I say this house is as dark as ignorance, though

ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say there was never man
thus abus'd. I am no more mad than you are; make the trial of it

in any constant question.
CLOWN. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild fowl?

MALVOLIO. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.
CLOWN. What think'st thou of his opinion?

MALVOLIO. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his
opinion.

CLOWN. Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness: thou shalt
hold th' opinion of Pythagoras ere I will allow of thy wits; and

fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy
grandam. Fare thee well.

MALVOLIO. Sir Topas, Sir Topas!
SIR TOBY. My most exquisite Sir Topas!

CLOWN. Nay, I am for all waters.
MARIA. Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and gown: he

sees thee not.
SIR TOBY. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou

find'st him. I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may
be conveniently deliver'd, I would he were; for I am now so far

in offence with my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety
this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.

Exit with MARIA
CLOWN. [Sings] Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,

Tell me how thy lady does.
MALVOLIO. Fool!

CLOWN. [Sings] My lady is unkind, perdy.
MALVOLIO. Fool!

CLOWN. [Sings] Alas, why is she so?
MALVOLIO. Fool I say!

CLOWN. [Sings] She loves another- Who calls, ha?
MALVOLIO. Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand,

help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper; as I am a
gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for't.

CLOWN. Master Malvolio?
MALVOLIO. Ay, good fool.

CLOWN. Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?
MALVOLIO. Fool, there was never man so notoriously abus'd;

I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.
CLOWN. But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in

your wits than a fool.


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