My husband and I are on the same page about most of the important things, like how we raise our children,
communicate and manage our finances. But we're not
seeing eye-to-eye about a big issue: whether to have another child.
我先生和我在大多数重大事情上观点一致,比如说如何养育孩子、交流沟通以及理财。不过在要不要再生一个孩子这件大事上我们却有分歧。
We have two wonderful sons and my husband is adamant that he does not want any more children. He has
extremely well-thought-out, practical arguments on his side: Two kids are less
expensive than three. Adding another would mean getting a bigger house and car. It would stretch our finances and limit things we love to do, like travel. Our kids are
healthy,
mellow and
good-natured. Why rock the boat? We're already in the upper-half of our 30s-do we really want to re-experience the discomforts and
anxiety of pregnancy and parenting an
infant, as we're nearing 40? And with two kids, we could each devote plenty of
energy to each child, without giving anyone short-shrift.
我们的两个儿子棒极了,我丈夫坚决不想再要孩子了。他有着深思熟虑、也十分现实的理由:两个孩子比三个孩子花钱少。再要一个孩子的话,我们就得换大房子、买更大的车。这样一来我们的财务状况就会吃紧,旅行这类乐事也就受限了。我们的孩子身体健康、十分可爱、性情温和。干嘛要给自己添乱呢?我们已经30出头了──真的要在奔四的年头再经历一次怀孕、照顾婴儿的种种不便和焦虑吗?而且有两个孩子的情况下,我们俩都可以在每个孩子身上花费很多精力,不至于忽视任何一个。
Really, the only arguments I have on my side are
emotional and vague: As someone who grew up in a family of three kids, it just seems like a fun number. (My husband, on the other hand, grew up in a family of two sons.) I loved pregnancy and even liked childbirth (strange as it may sound) and am
willing to go through them again. Babies are just so cute and it's hard to see them get older. Having a third is a way to experience the adorableness all over again. And no, it's not that I want to try for a girl. I'd be thrilled to have another boy.
确实,我唯一的理由是情绪化的,而且不清晰:作为一个在有三个孩子的家庭成长起来的人,我只觉得这个数字有意思。(另一方面,我丈夫家则是两兄弟。)我喜欢怀孕,甚至喜欢生孩子(听起来是很怪),我也愿意再次体验这些经历。孩子实在是太可爱了,看着他们长大真是痛苦。再要一个孩子就可以从头体验这种可爱。不,我并不是想生个女儿。我很想再生个儿子。
I would never 'trick' my husband into having a third. ('Surprise, honey!') That seems
horriblydishonest and against the way our marriage works. My husband feels a lot stronger about the issue than I do, so chances are, we'll probably stop at two anyhow. I wouldn't be
unhappy with that; it certainly sounds easier and more practical. And yet I can't help feeling like I have eaten the most
delicious two-course meal ever, but am still a little bit hungry for dessert.
我绝不会给丈夫设套要个孩子。("亲爱的,给你个惊喜!")那种方式太不诚实,也不是我们的婚姻之道。我丈夫在生几个孩子的问题上态度比我坚决,因此我们很有可能就止步于两个孩子了。我倒也不会不开心;这种情况听起来当然更容易、也更现实。不过我还是忍不住有种感觉,就像已经吃了两道美味大菜,但还是有点儿饿,想来份甜点。
According to a Pew Research Center study earlier this year, 46% of American adults said two children in a family are ideal, compared with 26% who said three, 9% who said four and 3% each for zero, one or at least five. Interestingly, among parents who already have at least three kids, one-third say two would be ideal, reported my
colleague Ruth Mantell in her MarketWatch
column. Among parents who said they don't plan to have
additional kids, 76% cited
wanting to have time for the children they already have, and 72% said they are
concerned about the cost of raising kids, the Pew study found.
皮尤研究中心(Pew Research Center)今年早些时候的一项研究显示,46%的美国成年人认为一个家庭有两个孩子是最理想的,而26%的人认为三个孩子最好,9%的人选择了四个孩子,选择不要孩子、一个孩子或五个以上的人各占3%。有意思的是,我同事曼特尔(Ruth Mantell)在MarketWatch专栏中说,在已经有三个孩子以上的父母中,
三分之一的人说两个孩子最理想。皮尤的研究发现,在表示不打算再要孩子的父母中,76%的人说想多陪陪自己已有的孩子,72%的人说担心养育孩子的成本。
I'm wondering if any Juggle readers had disagreements with their spouses or
partners over how many kids to have. How did you
resolve it? Did the desire to have another kid die down in you or your
partner? Or did you or your
partner come around to having another child? What happened?
我想知道,本栏目的读者是否也与另一半就要几个孩子的问题有分歧。你们是如何解决的呢?你或者另一半想再要个孩子的愿望消逝了吗?或者你们有没有谈过再生一个的问题?结果如何?