Three Cool Moves for Highly Explosive Encounters
By: Bean Jones
Though I'm lucky that my boss and my workmates forgive my near-meltdown outbursts, I realize that having a short fuse just hinders my productivity and doesn't do much for my health. As a gag gift for my birthday last June, the whole office gave me Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People: How to Beat Them Without Joining Them by Ronald M. Shapiro, Mark A. Jankowski, and James Dale.
The book contains many specific get-your-goat segments, most of which we all encounter at some point. Here are three heated everyday scenarios--along with the cool moves you can use to put out the fire:
1. Rumor Mill Entrapment
Tick-Off Point: You find out that someone has been spreading rumors about you.
Major Don't: If you lash out, you'll risk exacerbating the gossip because people will then mistakenly use your outburst as "circumstantial evidence."
Keep-Your-Cool Response: Plan a civil confrontation with the person concerned. Say, "I've been told that you have been speaking against me. I'd love to know why." This way, you take control of the situation and make it clear to the person that you know what he's up to. Whether he owns up to it or denies it completely doesn't matter, you just have to show him that you can't be provoked by nasty, underhanded tactics.
2. Mediocrity Madness
Tick-Off Point: You have to deal with someone who's not too efficient--whether at work or in other dealings in service-oriented establishments like the laundry shop, the bank, or the plumber.
Major Don't: Don't lay the blame on the person concerned (even if you could). It'll just make him defensive.
Keep-Your-Cool Response: People often resort to passive-aggressive moves when they're backed into a corner. Resist the urge to play the blame game and offer him solutions you can both consider. Say, "I noticed that you have a hard time giving me a definite deadline for the project. May I suggest that it be on September 31, 2008? If that's not a realistic date for you, please list down three dates that would be agreeable for you and perhaps we can agree on one of them." By giving the inefficient person choices, you help him save face and feel as if he has autonomy, which may ease his resentment.
3. Musical Debate
Tick-Off Point: You share a cubicle with someone who cranks up the volume of his music.
Major Don't: Turning up the volume when you play your own music selection will only set off a hostile real-life "musical."
Keep-Your-Cool Response: Go over to him and ask, "Do you have to play your music that loud?" By initiating a conversation, you can get to know the real reason for his "audio assault" and not just get mad over the assumption that it was purposely done to ruin your day. Hopefully, your cool demeanor will make him turn down the music and (maybe occasionally) appreciate the sound of silence.
Thanks to Shapiro, Jankowski, and Dale, I now have cool statements ready even when my fuse overloads. After all, anger shouldn't be used as the default bargaining tool. Outbursts of epic proportions don't lead to productive resolutions. They just make things worse.
关键字:市民英语
生词表:
By: Bean Jones
Though I'm lucky that my boss and my workmates forgive my near-meltdown outbursts, I realize that having a short fuse just hinders my productivity and doesn't do much for my health. As a gag gift for my birthday last June, the whole office gave me Bullies, Tyrants, and Impossible People: How to Beat Them Without Joining Them by Ronald M. Shapiro, Mark A. Jankowski, and James Dale.
The book contains many specific get-your-goat segments, most of which we all encounter at some point. Here are three heated everyday scenarios--along with the cool moves you can use to put out the fire:
1. Rumor Mill Entrapment
Tick-Off Point: You find out that someone has been spreading rumors about you.
Major Don't: If you lash out, you'll risk exacerbating the gossip because people will then mistakenly use your outburst as "circumstantial evidence."
Keep-Your-Cool Response: Plan a civil confrontation with the person concerned. Say, "I've been told that you have been speaking against me. I'd love to know why." This way, you take control of the situation and make it clear to the person that you know what he's up to. Whether he owns up to it or denies it completely doesn't matter, you just have to show him that you can't be provoked by nasty, underhanded tactics.
2. Mediocrity Madness
Tick-Off Point: You have to deal with someone who's not too efficient--whether at work or in other dealings in service-oriented establishments like the laundry shop, the bank, or the plumber.
Major Don't: Don't lay the blame on the person concerned (even if you could). It'll just make him defensive.
Keep-Your-Cool Response: People often resort to passive-aggressive moves when they're backed into a corner. Resist the urge to play the blame game and offer him solutions you can both consider. Say, "I noticed that you have a hard time giving me a definite deadline for the project. May I suggest that it be on September 31, 2008? If that's not a realistic date for you, please list down three dates that would be agreeable for you and perhaps we can agree on one of them." By giving the inefficient person choices, you help him save face and feel as if he has autonomy, which may ease his resentment.
3. Musical Debate
Tick-Off Point: You share a cubicle with someone who cranks up the volume of his music.
Major Don't: Turning up the volume when you play your own music selection will only set off a hostile real-life "musical."
Keep-Your-Cool Response: Go over to him and ask, "Do you have to play your music that loud?" By initiating a conversation, you can get to know the real reason for his "audio assault" and not just get mad over the assumption that it was purposely done to ruin your day. Hopefully, your cool demeanor will make him turn down the music and (maybe occasionally) appreciate the sound of silence.
Thanks to Shapiro, Jankowski, and Dale, I now have cool statements ready even when my fuse overloads. After all, anger shouldn't be used as the default bargaining tool. Outbursts of epic proportions don't lead to productive resolutions. They just make things worse.
关键字:市民英语
生词表:
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