Looking at myself in the mirror this morning, I found my body a bit thinner and my face looked pale. I tried to squeeze a smile, but the mirror showed me an ugly smelling face. I shaved, took a shower and even prayed some perfume on myself, but I just felt sad and lonely.

I've been living alone for weeks. I miss you, dear! Although I have no idea where you are or what you are doing right now, I guess you must be somewhere thinking about me too. This is what I always do to comfort myself. I know the fact that you have left me forever. I just don't want to remind myself of it.

You've never come back home since you moved out, without even taking away most of your belongings. Working hard everyday, I feel lazy to clean up your stuff, so I leave them alone in the rooms. Whenever I get home, I would imagine that you are lying in the sofa and giving me a wel come hug, just like what you had been doing to me before.

The foods will be there on the table, though they are cooked by our maid. You always passed me chopsticks and spoons when I was ready to eat. You were a good wife, not until now did I realize how important you are in my life. Actually you're already part of me!

Now I'm free to choose the TV channels, nobody will take away my right to choose the program I life. Now I can sit in front of my 21-inch-screen computer and talk to my net friends freely. Now I can play my favorite PC games until after mid night. Now I can go to bed without having washed my feet or even face. Now I can do anything I like at home, cause nobody will bother me any more. These things won't bring to me any happiness at all!

I guess I'm used to having you as a member of my family. I bet I'm used to having you as my wife, my woman and my partner. Sure I know when I am used to having something or someone in my life; I won't treasure her/it much.

Suddenly I realized how helpless I am. I don't even know where my tie is, cause I had never worried about these trivial tiny stuff before. You've done lots of stuff for me, which have surely spoiled me much! How am I gonna get away from this sad and helpless situation?

I smoke three packages of cigarettes and I only take one meal a day, because I have no appetite! I go home late, always having fun with my friends until after mid night, cause I know you are not at home waiting for me. I don't press the door bell cause I know nobody will answer. I'm damaging my health to kill the loneliness. I know this is not the correct way, though!

Honey, if only you know how much I love you.....
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