The Chistmas & My Gray Memories
Written by: __CocaineKisser__
By the time I was apart with Tony, who was my beloved, my heart was totally broken. I thought I wouldn't go on! It has been more than 2 years relationship abroad. I thought we loved each other, I thought we would make it out till the end. I really thought so, and it was really going that way. But in the end, both of us realised it wouldn't be the case because we wanted more than just love. The physical situation was we were abroad, fighting to gain a piece of paper called PR. He left to Germany for his own good future with all my best wishes. As he said, I was a strong woman, I would of been better without him. However, it wasn't so. I was totally breaking down.
I didn't remember since when I started to screw around and messed around in the clubs in Zurich. But I did. I was crazy, and I met loads different ppl. I did remember I started to smoke weed and sniff coke in the club. Life was just gray for me. By the time Xmas was coming, I was still totally alone with 5 gram pure coke in my pocket. Oh, I was on the way to school. I knew there would be nobody around. And I was thinking it would be my heartbreaking Xmas, the worst one. I ain't sure if it was the worst Xmas I had, but it certainly was a changing point of my life, not a positive one though. Yeah, life is not always positive. A strong person like me would of done loads mistakes, and obvioursly it has been the worse mistake I made rather than starting taking drugs.
I was totally alone in the train station. It's Xmas Eve. There weren't many ppl around. I jumped in the train, I really didn't know what I was up to besides taking a few lines and chill.
"Are you alone?" Said she in German, the middle aged woman on another side of the seat. There is a young gorgeous gal sitting opisit her. "It's Xmas time, you seemed so lonely, my poor little gal." She said, again all in German.
I looked at them, "Ja," I said," I am alone here, my family is not with me in this country." I answered in German. I didn't like the conversation, it made me feel worse, I was having a good trip on coke. I shaked my head, tried not to get bothered from this, damn, I hated this so called Xmas holidays.
"Come with us. Come to our house for Xmas."She said to me," Would you mind? We would be your family for this Xmas. You are a lovely gal." She smiled at me.
I looked at her, I was surprised, oh, certainly she's not a Swiss! Swiss would never be so nice to a stranger. "I would love to, but..." I answered, I didn't want to bother anyone, like I didnt want anyone to bother me!
"No but, come with us. You will have a good time! This is my daughter Mia!" She introduced that gorgeous young gal.
Damn, I couldn't believe this! Is she her mother? I would tell that older lady was brown, skinny, and a bit skag. And that gal was white blond and beautiful. That gal smiled at me, it was sweet. I didn't refuse to go with them. Well, it was always good to have someone to be with in Xmas. Anyway I didn't have much things with me. Switzerland is a safe place!
They took me to their house. It was in a typical Swiss farm. The whole family didn't speak English at all. So we would only communicate in German. Lucky that my German wasn't bad that time. It wasn't too hard to understand it. So it was a great night, we've talked a lot. That older lady had talked loads things about her youth, her stories, and her marriage. I would tell that she's a lonely woman after all! Yeah, everyone is lonely in that country. Switzerland is a cold place!
It wasn't shocking me when I knew that young gal also took drug, Well, Zurich is an evil city! A gorgeous gal like that wouldn't be innocent at all. She's so addicated to coke. So we've done this 5 grams at one night, and talked till 6 am. Then we went bed knock to the pillow straight. Actually what I can say is it wasn't that bad for Xmas eve that time! What more could I do?
The Xmas day was just boring! We were sitting together for meals and talked for a whole day. The father of this family showed me loads pictues. He's a respectable man! He was working for the UN for his whole life. I wonder how if he knew how fallen his daughter was! Well, we were in his library in the Xmas and smashed coke on the covers of his precious books! She was smoking crack in that fancy library! What a laughter!
I left the family at night. Mia, the pretty crackedhead gal walked me to the station. She seemed pretty happy with me. I guess it was because of the coke! We exchanged the phone numbers and made a plan to have parties together on New Year. I took the subway home. That's it! A drugged up Xmas, with lots buzz! I past it! I thought I wouldn't make it. I would be dying in that sort of cold flat all alone with bottles of vodka or something!
Whatsoever, the story didn't end! It was just the beginning!
So I started to hang out with this gal, and her crew! She put me up in this party animal ppl in Zurich. I started to meet up models, gays, drug dealers, and crazy musicians, djs, ... I started to be one of them, dealing stuffs, doing promotion shows, taking part time job in the clubs for dancing in the cage, doing half naked model shooting for some adult products or personal galleries... It was totally wild and crazy! And I started to be the Queen B in town like wherever I went, i would meet ppl who knew me or who I screwed! I was kind famous there. Yeah, famous, maybe I should be ashamed for that, but I was famous. I earned lots money, I was spending money on all those fancy stuffs. I got the best connection to get pure good stuffs. I made ppl rich as well! I was in a big loud world with all those bling bling visions. Oh, it was fabulous! I was totally sucking in this dark underground world. I wouldn't see it through what was really coming to me. And it came quietly just like the time past by quietly!
My mate crashed my car because she was on drug. I started to deal with cops. It wasn't my problem anyway, but I did pay off loads shit for that! Mia ran off from me since she owned me loads money. I didn't give a damn because a person like that would only be a salve of money and drug! I thought I was still strong, I didn't fall yet! But it wasn't true. I didn't realise that the problems started to come after me. My world started to fall down!
The next Xmas came up quietly! Sonya, my flat mate, who crashed my car, and her sis were with me for the Xmas Eve. Oh, my gf from London flought to Zurich in Xmas as well! It was the best for my Xmas though! Yeah, we had this cheese BBQ thing at home as a Swiss tradition! No drug! As Sonya said! We were having a quiet Xmas. I guess all of us got too many problems to deal with. They were running out the money, I was having a hard time with my business, we were having a tough time with our drug dealing thing, and certainly it wasn't a good time for any of us! Early morning, we went out together to the club! I wouldn't forget this night! Because I met him this night. And because I met him, he lost his life later beside me!
My gf was pretty and smart. We made all the guys jealous and horny in the club! Oh, I loved to do that! Guys seemed so stupid in the club, they just wanted to shag! But I won! I got them all and I dumped them all! Then my gf started to hit on this dude, half black, half latino! He's hot! Nyko, that was his name! Yeah, I wouldn't forget this name for all my life! I owed his life! I don't know when and how I am gonna pay it back!
Nyko liked her, and certainly he liked me. But we didnt go with him, as I didn't trust none of those dudes from that club! That was the evilest one in the whole country! With drug, the amount of coke I've got, I would of screwed any of whoever I wanted there! So I got Nyko's number. We've enjoyed the night in the club for the celebration of Xmas. And he left! I wish I didn't meet him and I didn't know him! I was the devil!
A month later, I got robbed in my flat by the Russian mafias. They took my money and my drug. That was it! The bad time started! I started to struggle in the business either the legal one or the illegal one! My backup crew started to doubt me and my partner wanted to take over my position! I got no choice, and I didn't have any ability to fight back! All of the sudden, I thought of him, yeah, Nyko, the Mr. Big for the underground! I called him! I threw myself to him. He started to help me out of the mess! He solved all the problems. And he wanted me to be good! I started to back to the shape, a good innocent gal with high education, well, what a laugh, a person with a graduated degree were dealing drugs and doing shit like I did! Nyko was a good man. He tried to stop me doing drugs, he moved to me and protected me from all the troubles. He backed me up through all those serious gangster mafia affairs! But Shit happened!
It was the night, we were at my flat! He went out with his brother, and came back. He said he wanted to take a bath. So he got into the bath room. He locked the door! It had been too long since he got in the shower. His brother was worried. Yeah, it was almost a hour!
We knocked the door! Nobody answered! We broke in, what we saw was he past out in the bathtub; the water was just blow his mouth! No good! uhmmmh uhm! Not good at all! We found needles on the floor, and a tea spoon! I guess we knew what happened to him! It was heroin! For god sake, nobody plays with that crap! Heroin is deadly! I wouldn't believe what I saw!
We carried him to my bed! We called the emergaency. They came along really quick! But it already has been too late! After about 4 hours, he past away, with all my love, my tear, my sorrow and he took every piece of mind from me! I regret! I blame myself! Why? I asked thousands of times! There was nobody out there giving me an answer. Slience! I faced the biggest slience in my life in front of him! I still remember his kiss, his hug, and his promises! But he's gone, gone for ever! Death was the coldest thing you would ever deal with in your life! And I was the one who is facing it quietly! It was the end! The end of all the evils, the end of all my silly tricks, and the end of my faulse life!
My lawyer presented me in the court so that I didn't lose my PR from the country. However, I got to deal with the cops about this what happened stories! In the end I got pay a big fine for the whole case! The money wasn't important, nothing was really important for me any more! He's gone! I even didn't have time to tell him I loved him! He even didn't kiss me good bye!
I packed a few of my things and flought away! I need a break! I wouldn't stand in my flat any more. I wouldn't sleep in the bed where he was dying! All of those gray memories keep coming back to me again and again, over and over! I tell myself this is the end of all those ridigelous things! I need to start a new life again!
Here is another Xmas coming! I am so alone here even I am with my parents, and I have another good man beside me. However, I feel cold and lonely deep inside of my heart! I feel guilty every minute after this! I wish him a Xmas up there! I guess I will still suffer my life on the earth. But I promise, I will be good, do good, and one day not too long later, I will be there with him!
All my best to Nyko！ God Bless everyone of us! We all are in sin!
Merry Xmas!
关键字:网友情怀
生词表:
Written by: __CocaineKisser__
By the time I was apart with Tony, who was my beloved, my heart was totally broken. I thought I wouldn't go on! It has been more than 2 years relationship abroad. I thought we loved each other, I thought we would make it out till the end. I really thought so, and it was really going that way. But in the end, both of us realised it wouldn't be the case because we wanted more than just love. The physical situation was we were abroad, fighting to gain a piece of paper called PR. He left to Germany for his own good future with all my best wishes. As he said, I was a strong woman, I would of been better without him. However, it wasn't so. I was totally breaking down.
I didn't remember since when I started to screw around and messed around in the clubs in Zurich. But I did. I was crazy, and I met loads different ppl. I did remember I started to smoke weed and sniff coke in the club. Life was just gray for me. By the time Xmas was coming, I was still totally alone with 5 gram pure coke in my pocket. Oh, I was on the way to school. I knew there would be nobody around. And I was thinking it would be my heartbreaking Xmas, the worst one. I ain't sure if it was the worst Xmas I had, but it certainly was a changing point of my life, not a positive one though. Yeah, life is not always positive. A strong person like me would of done loads mistakes, and obvioursly it has been the worse mistake I made rather than starting taking drugs.
I was totally alone in the train station. It's Xmas Eve. There weren't many ppl around. I jumped in the train, I really didn't know what I was up to besides taking a few lines and chill.
"Are you alone?" Said she in German, the middle aged woman on another side of the seat. There is a young gorgeous gal sitting opisit her. "It's Xmas time, you seemed so lonely, my poor little gal." She said, again all in German.
I looked at them, "Ja," I said," I am alone here, my family is not with me in this country." I answered in German. I didn't like the conversation, it made me feel worse, I was having a good trip on coke. I shaked my head, tried not to get bothered from this, damn, I hated this so called Xmas holidays.
"Come with us. Come to our house for Xmas."She said to me," Would you mind? We would be your family for this Xmas. You are a lovely gal." She smiled at me.
I looked at her, I was surprised, oh, certainly she's not a Swiss! Swiss would never be so nice to a stranger. "I would love to, but..." I answered, I didn't want to bother anyone, like I didnt want anyone to bother me!
"No but, come with us. You will have a good time! This is my daughter Mia!" She introduced that gorgeous young gal.
Damn, I couldn't believe this! Is she her mother? I would tell that older lady was brown, skinny, and a bit skag. And that gal was white blond and beautiful. That gal smiled at me, it was sweet. I didn't refuse to go with them. Well, it was always good to have someone to be with in Xmas. Anyway I didn't have much things with me. Switzerland is a safe place!
They took me to their house. It was in a typical Swiss farm. The whole family didn't speak English at all. So we would only communicate in German. Lucky that my German wasn't bad that time. It wasn't too hard to understand it. So it was a great night, we've talked a lot. That older lady had talked loads things about her youth, her stories, and her marriage. I would tell that she's a lonely woman after all! Yeah, everyone is lonely in that country. Switzerland is a cold place!
It wasn't shocking me when I knew that young gal also took drug, Well, Zurich is an evil city! A gorgeous gal like that wouldn't be innocent at all. She's so addicated to coke. So we've done this 5 grams at one night, and talked till 6 am. Then we went bed knock to the pillow straight. Actually what I can say is it wasn't that bad for Xmas eve that time! What more could I do?
The Xmas day was just boring! We were sitting together for meals and talked for a whole day. The father of this family showed me loads pictues. He's a respectable man! He was working for the UN for his whole life. I wonder how if he knew how fallen his daughter was! Well, we were in his library in the Xmas and smashed coke on the covers of his precious books! She was smoking crack in that fancy library! What a laughter!
I left the family at night. Mia, the pretty crackedhead gal walked me to the station. She seemed pretty happy with me. I guess it was because of the coke! We exchanged the phone numbers and made a plan to have parties together on New Year. I took the subway home. That's it! A drugged up Xmas, with lots buzz! I past it! I thought I wouldn't make it. I would be dying in that sort of cold flat all alone with bottles of vodka or something!
Whatsoever, the story didn't end! It was just the beginning!
So I started to hang out with this gal, and her crew! She put me up in this party animal ppl in Zurich. I started to meet up models, gays, drug dealers, and crazy musicians, djs, ... I started to be one of them, dealing stuffs, doing promotion shows, taking part time job in the clubs for dancing in the cage, doing half naked model shooting for some adult products or personal galleries... It was totally wild and crazy! And I started to be the Queen B in town like wherever I went, i would meet ppl who knew me or who I screwed! I was kind famous there. Yeah, famous, maybe I should be ashamed for that, but I was famous. I earned lots money, I was spending money on all those fancy stuffs. I got the best connection to get pure good stuffs. I made ppl rich as well! I was in a big loud world with all those bling bling visions. Oh, it was fabulous! I was totally sucking in this dark underground world. I wouldn't see it through what was really coming to me. And it came quietly just like the time past by quietly!
My mate crashed my car because she was on drug. I started to deal with cops. It wasn't my problem anyway, but I did pay off loads shit for that! Mia ran off from me since she owned me loads money. I didn't give a damn because a person like that would only be a salve of money and drug! I thought I was still strong, I didn't fall yet! But it wasn't true. I didn't realise that the problems started to come after me. My world started to fall down!
The next Xmas came up quietly! Sonya, my flat mate, who crashed my car, and her sis were with me for the Xmas Eve. Oh, my gf from London flought to Zurich in Xmas as well! It was the best for my Xmas though! Yeah, we had this cheese BBQ thing at home as a Swiss tradition! No drug! As Sonya said! We were having a quiet Xmas. I guess all of us got too many problems to deal with. They were running out the money, I was having a hard time with my business, we were having a tough time with our drug dealing thing, and certainly it wasn't a good time for any of us! Early morning, we went out together to the club! I wouldn't forget this night! Because I met him this night. And because I met him, he lost his life later beside me!
My gf was pretty and smart. We made all the guys jealous and horny in the club! Oh, I loved to do that! Guys seemed so stupid in the club, they just wanted to shag! But I won! I got them all and I dumped them all! Then my gf started to hit on this dude, half black, half latino! He's hot! Nyko, that was his name! Yeah, I wouldn't forget this name for all my life! I owed his life! I don't know when and how I am gonna pay it back!
Nyko liked her, and certainly he liked me. But we didnt go with him, as I didn't trust none of those dudes from that club! That was the evilest one in the whole country! With drug, the amount of coke I've got, I would of screwed any of whoever I wanted there! So I got Nyko's number. We've enjoyed the night in the club for the celebration of Xmas. And he left! I wish I didn't meet him and I didn't know him! I was the devil!
A month later, I got robbed in my flat by the Russian mafias. They took my money and my drug. That was it! The bad time started! I started to struggle in the business either the legal one or the illegal one! My backup crew started to doubt me and my partner wanted to take over my position! I got no choice, and I didn't have any ability to fight back! All of the sudden, I thought of him, yeah, Nyko, the Mr. Big for the underground! I called him! I threw myself to him. He started to help me out of the mess! He solved all the problems. And he wanted me to be good! I started to back to the shape, a good innocent gal with high education, well, what a laugh, a person with a graduated degree were dealing drugs and doing shit like I did! Nyko was a good man. He tried to stop me doing drugs, he moved to me and protected me from all the troubles. He backed me up through all those serious gangster mafia affairs! But Shit happened!
It was the night, we were at my flat! He went out with his brother, and came back. He said he wanted to take a bath. So he got into the bath room. He locked the door! It had been too long since he got in the shower. His brother was worried. Yeah, it was almost a hour!
We knocked the door! Nobody answered! We broke in, what we saw was he past out in the bathtub; the water was just blow his mouth! No good! uhmmmh uhm! Not good at all! We found needles on the floor, and a tea spoon! I guess we knew what happened to him! It was heroin! For god sake, nobody plays with that crap! Heroin is deadly! I wouldn't believe what I saw!
We carried him to my bed! We called the emergaency. They came along really quick! But it already has been too late! After about 4 hours, he past away, with all my love, my tear, my sorrow and he took every piece of mind from me! I regret! I blame myself! Why? I asked thousands of times! There was nobody out there giving me an answer. Slience! I faced the biggest slience in my life in front of him! I still remember his kiss, his hug, and his promises! But he's gone, gone for ever! Death was the coldest thing you would ever deal with in your life! And I was the one who is facing it quietly! It was the end! The end of all the evils, the end of all my silly tricks, and the end of my faulse life!
My lawyer presented me in the court so that I didn't lose my PR from the country. However, I got to deal with the cops about this what happened stories! In the end I got pay a big fine for the whole case! The money wasn't important, nothing was really important for me any more! He's gone! I even didn't have time to tell him I loved him! He even didn't kiss me good bye!
I packed a few of my things and flought away! I need a break! I wouldn't stand in my flat any more. I wouldn't sleep in the bed where he was dying! All of those gray memories keep coming back to me again and again, over and over! I tell myself this is the end of all those ridigelous things! I need to start a new life again!
Here is another Xmas coming! I am so alone here even I am with my parents, and I have another good man beside me. However, I feel cold and lonely deep inside of my heart! I feel guilty every minute after this! I wish him a Xmas up there! I guess I will still suffer my life on the earth. But I promise, I will be good, do good, and one day not too long later, I will be there with him!
All my best to Nyko！ God Bless everyone of us! We all are in sin!
Merry Xmas!
关键字:网友情怀
生词表:
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