Tastes of Spring

What I knew was not what God had sent to me but what I loved-dreaming. Whenever I closed my eyes, I would fall into endless dreams. How would I meet my girlfriend? I had been fancying it when I was still a bachelor. Would it be like the scene in most movies that two persons who were hurrying on with their journey ran into each other due to their ignorance of each other's existence? Or two lonely persons who were seeking console happened to meet each other in a flower shop or cinema on Valentine's Day? Or two careless persons took the other's luggage by mistake at the Baggage Claim? Or just because of a wrongly dialed phone number, a wrongly addressed email or a wrongly sent SMS......All these scenes seemed too common, lacking romance.

I, in this way, wandered and dreamed in my life, my world. But suddenly I found what they had predicted was absolutely true: I was still incapable of getting to the opposite bank where my happiness was resting, because I failed to find a ferry. At dawn, my dreams were often cruelly shut off from reality. How pitiful it's that however I sought, I didn't meet such contingency. But I wouldn't give up my dreams, because I was sure that one day I would be able to take the hand of happiness.

Since I happened to enter the world of internet about 5 years ago, I'd never left it, because I was so infatuated with it that I rooted there and rambled on the forum every day. Foreign language salon was the place which I called "home" and where I grew mature: from a guest to a moderator, from a rookie to an old hand--I had no idea how much I had experienced. I still remembered clearly that I often resorted to sitting before the computer and expressing or abreacting all kinds of my thoughts on the internet disregarding neither what day it was nor what I felt. Time flying between my fingers, Youth had turned around, leaving nothing but her beautiful back. Without notice, another spring was coming at her light steps, but unluckily, I hadn't made preparations for it.

I did change little, still living all by myself and caring about nothing. To me, Valentine's Day amounted to nothing, because I was always alone, having nobody's company. I still remembered that it's on the evening of the Valentine's Day in the year 2003 that I lost her, from which day my heart was frozen with ice and I lost interest in and curiosity about this festival. This year I chose to return to Dalian, my working place on the Valentine's Day with the intention of escaping the solitude of being single. People stood waiting on the platform with flowers in their hands reminded me of my loneliness. Actually I was a flower lover, however, today I found those flowers were so pain-causing. I went back to my hostel at the highest speed to escape this cruel world.

As usual, I sat before my computer and listened to my favorite disco music at my "home", trying reading some pleasant lines to kill this dull night. What came contrary to what I had expected was that almost all the writings were about Valentine's Day. Why couldn't I find a quiet place belonging to me? Just at that moment, a short message drove away my confusion reminding me that someone desired to have a talk with me on QQ. I was naturally overwhelmed by the lonely feelings and with pleasure I agreed to add her. What a coincidence to have someone that was as lonely as me on such a special night! Wasn't it a good thing to share each other's solitude?

"What will she respond when she receives my first greeting, keep silent or feel thankful for my fast reply?" I imagined what it would happen while waiting for her reaction. However, after seeing the words on the screen, I was more than faint. "Who are you?"

How come she responded like this? I was too angry to stay calm. So I chose to answer her question in a more unexpected way. "I'm God"

"Don't you know who I am?" Added I.

"I just send my QQ number to coffee, but your nickname isn't coffee."

The way she felt puzzled made me suspect her intelligence.

"Really? Once my nickname on the forum of foreign language salon was romantic sky."

"But I only send my QQ number to coffee."

"I'm not coffee. Aren't you afraid? What if I am a ghost?"

I wanted to scare her and see what she would respond.

"I am not afraid, because you can speak out foreign language salon. That means we are from the same place."

I felt I was talking with a little girl who was lovely and a little bit childish. What's interesting was that I, without being asked, started to explain why I seldom told others my QQ number and how I didn't like talking. When a talk was inevitable, I would choose to leave messages on the forum due to the reason that my spare time was rare. She seemed to have comprehended what I meant and commenced to expatiate how and why she applied this QQ number. Tired of wandering on the forum, she felt it a must to have a chat with someone. What a coincidence, I happened to be online at this time. Therefore, she, out of curiosity, wanted to make the acquaintance of me.

Seeing me insist that I was not coffee, she asked me to show her my works published on foreign language salon: she just wanted to prove who I was in a short way. I didn't do as she requested, after all I was fond of playing jokes. "I wrote nothing." I denied. She became more and more confused.

"In fact what's important is not who I am but that I am here with you at this moment." I found on this romantic night, we had nothing but loneliness around us. Perhaps in another corner there were the same two as us meeting each other by chance and sharing the different Valentine's Day.

She smiled but said nothing. Obviously there was heaviness in her smile, which gave me the feeling of the heavy atmosphere. But when I saw her reply appear on the screen I felt relaxed.

"I only send my QQ number to my leader and coffee, so......"

"So what?" She still behaved in a humorous and naughty manner. "You know I am a hacker, aren't you afraid of me?"

"I......I......I am so scared." She pretended to be fearful, making her mischief more apparent.

"What are you doing now?" Asked she with curiosity.

"Cooking. Nobody cooks me supper. How poor I am!" Answered I naturally.

"I have something eatable, do you want it?"

"Of course." Answered I without thinking. "But, how can I receive your goodness?"

"I have sent it out, so it's none of my business whether you can receive it."

"What? You are not honest."

"It's you who are not honest, not me. A little bit bitter coffee......" She was convinced that I was the right person.

"I'm not coffee." I denied it again.

"Then......I really......meet ghost." I couldn't help laughing out because of her mischief.

"Ghost? Don't you see God is with you?"

"God? He must be jealous of us. We can die to escape, but he can't." "This is her reply? Unbelievable." This was the first time that I knew the difference between God and us human beings.

"At home? Why are you still lingering on the internet late at night?"

"I'm in the office."

。。。。。。

We talked on and on so that I forgot who I was pretending and she forgot what her original question was. Obviously she had known that I was coffee, the one to whom she had sent her QQ number. While waiting for her reply, I seemed to be thinking, but I didn't know what I was thinking about. Suddenly she said "thank you" to me, which I felt included many meanings: there was choicelessness and emotional sighs in it. In order to break the instantaneous silence, I asked her how much she thanked me. She didn't answer but asked me another question, "Why do you spend Valentine's Day all by yourself?" I made no reply either, instead, I sent her almost all the QQ icons that stood for gifts. Was I pretending not to have unnamed loneliness? I couldn't tell. Reason unknown, I even sent her a rose. "I dislike roses." It's unbelievable that in the world there was a girl who showed no interest in roses, flowers representing love. Was her flower of love fading? Or her love rose had been broken into pieces in her memory? I didn't ask more, because I was afraid that she would also excavate the weakest part of my heart.

"I'm introducing you to another net friend, may I tell him your QQ number?"

"I hate talking. It's meaningless to talk too long. But if it is just a greeting, it doesn't matter."

"HaHa, now, I am safe." Surprisingly, she wasted no chance to laugh at me.

Time slipped away before I realized it and it's been the most romantic 3 hours I'd ever had. On that cold Valentine's night of 2005, the two lonely hearts for the first time felt the warmth deep down inside each other and the homeless souls found the peaceful harbor away from storm. How I hoped that she felt the same way I did, because I'd been long fed up with the endless pain waiting in the dark. And how I hoped that she could even for a while ignore her loneliness at that blessed moment, cause god blesses us both.

"I'm going to knock off; will you open your QQ tomorrow?"

She became so serious. I could feel her heart's expecting but I was so scared that I couldn't give her a positive answer. I was afraid of breaking my word, perhaps I couldn't face up to the problem that I had been escaping. My unspeakable panic urged me to find many excuses to decline her: I disliked chatting, and what's more, every day I had too many things to do, such as managing the forum, playing games, thinking how to attract more visitors, etc. As late it was, she still stayed, too stubborn to go without getting what she expected.

"You should go now, too late, or your parents will be worried." I persuaded her into going home early.

"Tomorrow will you open your QQ?" She seemed to forget all my reasons and asked me for a second time.

"Go! Heihei. Tomorrow you will know the answer, won't you?" But deep in my heart I said I would certainly come.

"OK, I'm going home. So long."

All of a sudden, I felt that her cute hand waving to me on the screen was so intimate.

"Be careful!" Enjoined I affectionately.

"I see. I know the answer now. Thank you."

Her head picture darkled, I knew she had been on her way home. I couldn't help recalling the scenes we talked and at the corner of my mouth smiles appeared. I sat there doing nothing but looking at the screen, in fear that she would disappear as I turned off my computer. Tomorrow, suddenly I commenced to expect tomorrow. My panic and expectation restarted to grow after sleeping a long time.

"Dislike talking? Really?" Asked my colleague with surprise and scorn while looking at me.

"Nothing. Just once in a while. Anything abnormal?"

"A while? You call three or four hours a while?"

I smiled and still immersed in our talk, "Yes, just a while. How fast time flies."

"Oh, my God, you become a fool." He smiled. So did I.

The next day, the moment I arrived home I opened my QQ in fear of being thought to be absent. She had been waiting for me because her head picture was brilliant.

"I'm sure you will come, I knew it last night. Thank you!"

。。。。。。

From then on, the first thing I do after going home from work is to open my QQ and talk with her. As for the reason why we are able to talk like this without disconnection over the weeks, I have no idea, at least at the first few days I didn't know. Now I am aware of the motive behind it. As the old saying says, one close friend is more than enough. Acquaintance itself is a kind of hard-won lot. We have no secrets between each other, perhaps this is the love we have been pursuing in vain. Every day the only thing that I long to do is to sit before my computer waiting for her emergence. We always have something to talk and never seek new topics on purpose. Our seesaw battle has been lengthened from 4 or 5 hours a day to nightlong chatting. But we never feel sleepy. Are we as crazy as my friends expect? When they laugh at me I will smile over it, "You won't understand what I am doing."

Once I think I won't fall in love again, because I believe曾经沧海难为水. I have been sticking that coffee's bitter taste is unchangeable. But now I find that my definition is wrong. So I determinedly say goodbye to my former nickname bittercoffee. She likes drinking coffee, coffee without sugar. She tells me that when you finish drinking a cup of coffee, you will feel a little bit sweet. I have been too stubborn to trust what she says. But after tasting coffee as she directs I realize how happiness tastes and what sweet expectation is. In the spring of 2005, I hear the steps of Spring, on that lonely but warm night of Valentine's Day.
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