《War And Peace》　Book10 　CHAPTER VIII
　　　　by Leo Tolstoy

PRINCESS MARYA was not in Moscow and out of danger as Prince Andrey
supposed.

After Alpatitch's return from Smolensk, the old prince seemed as though he
had suddenly waked out of a sleep. He gave orders for the militiamen to assemble
out of the villages, and to be armed; and wrote a letter to the
commander-in-chief, in which he informed him of his intention to remain at Bleak
Hills to the last and to defend himself, leaving it to his discretion to take
steps or not for the defence of Bleak Hills, where he said one of the oldest
Russian generals would be taken prisoner or die. He announced to his household
that he should remain at Bleak Hills.

But though resolved himself to remain, the prince made arrangements for
sending the princess with Dessalle and the little prince to Bogutcharovo, and
from there on to Moscow. Frightened at her father's feverish, sleepless energy,
following on his previous apathy, Princess Marya could not bring herself to
leave him alone, and for the first time in her life ventured not to obey him.
She refused to go, and a fearful tempest of wrath burst upon her. The prince
reminded her of every previous instance of injustice to her. Trying to find
pretexts for reviling her, he said she had done everything to worry him, that
she had estranged him from his son, that she harboured the vilest suspicions of
him, that she made it the object of her life to poison his existence. He drove
her out of his study, telling her that he did not care if she did not go away.
He told her that he did not want to hear of her existence, but gave her fair
warning not to dare show herself before him. Princess Marya was relieved that he
had not, as she had dreaded, ordered her to be forcibly removed from Bleak
Hills, but had simply commanded her not to show herself. She knew that this
meant that in the secret recesses of his soul he was glad she was staying at
home.

The day after Nikolushka had left, the old prince dressed himself in the
morning in full uniform, and prepared to make a call on the commander-in-chief.
The carriage was standing ready. Princess Marya saw him in his uniform, with all
his orders on his breast, walk out of the house and go down the garden to
inspect the armed peasants and houseserfs. Princess Marya sat at the window
listening to his voice resounding from the garden. Suddenly several men came
running up the avenue with panic-stricken faces.

Princess Marya ran out on to the steps, along the flower-bed path, and into
the avenue. A great crowd of militiamen and servants were coming down it towards
her, and in the middle of that crowd several men were holding up and dragging
along a little old man in a uniform and decorations. Princess Marya ran towards
him, and in the dancing, tiny rings of light that filtered through the shade of
the lime-tree avenue, she could form no distinct impression of the change in his
face. The only thing she could see was that the stern and determined expression
of his face had changed to a look of timidity and submission. On seeing his
daughter, he tried to move his powerless lips, and uttered a hoarse sound. It
was impossible to understand what he meant. He was lifted up, carried into his
study, and laid on the couch, which had been such an object of dread to him of
late.

The doctor, who was brought over the same night, bled him, and declared that
the prince had had a stroke, paralysing his right side.

To remain at Bleak Hills was becoming more and more dangerous, and the next
day they moved the prince to Bogutcharovo. The doctor travelled with him.

When they reached Bogutcharovo, they found Dessalle had already set off for
Moscow with the little prince.

For three weeks the old prince lay stricken with paralysis, getting neither
better nor worse, in the new house Prince Andrey had planned at Bogutcharovo.
The old prince was unconscious; he lay like a deformed corpse. He muttered
incessantly, twitching his eyebrows and lips, and it was impossible to tell
whether he understood his surroundings or not. Only one thing could be said for
certain: that was, that he was suffering, and had a craving to express
something. But what that was no one could tell: whether it were some sick and
half-crazy whim; whether it related to public affairs or family
circumstances.

The doctor said that this uneasiness meant nothing; that it was due to
physical causes. But Princess Marya believed (and the fact that her presence
seemed to intensify the restlessness, confirmed her supposition) that he wanted
to tell her something.

He was evidently suffering both physically and mentally. There was no hope of
recovery. It was impossible to move him. What if he were to die on the road?
"Wouldn't it be better if it were over, if all were over?" Princess Marya
thought sometimes. Day and night, almost without sleep, she watched him, and,
terrible to say, she watched him, not in the hope of finding symptoms of a
change for the better, but often in the hope of seeing symptoms of the
approaching end.

Strange as it was for the princess to own it to herself, she had this feeling
in her heart. And what was still more horrible to Princess Marya was the fact
that ever since her father's illness (if not even before, when she resolved to
stay with him, in vague expectation of something) all the forgotten hopes and
desires slumbering within her head awakened. Ideas that had not entered her head
for years-dreams of a life free from the terror of her father, even of the
possibility of love and a happy married life, haunted her imagination like
temptations of the devil. In vain she tried to drive away the thought; questions
were continually in her mind how she would order her life now, after
this. It was a temptation of the devil, and Princess Marya knew it. She
knew that the sole weapon of avail against him was prayer, and she strove
to pray. She threw herself into the attitude of prayer, gazed at the holy
pictures, repeated the words of the prayer, but still she could not pray. She
felt herself carried off into a new world of real life, of labour and free
activity, utterly opposed to the moral atmosphere in which she had been kept in
bondage and in which the one consolation was prayer. She could not pray and
could not weep, and practical cares absorbed her mind.

To remain at Bogutcharovo was becoming unsafe. Rumours came from all sides of
the French being near, and in one village, fifteen versts from Bogutcharovo, a
house had been sacked by French marauders. The doctor insisted on the necessity
of moving the prince; the marshal of the province sent an official to Princess
Marya to persuade her to get away as quickly as possible. The captain of the
police visited Bogutcharovo to insist on the same thing, telling her that the
French were only forty versts away; that French proclamations were circulating
in the villages, and that if the princess did not move her father before the
15th, he could not answer for the consequences.

The princess made up her mind to leave on the 15th. The preparations and
giving all the necessary instructions, for which every one applied to her, kept
her busy the whole of the previous day. The night of the 14th she spent as
usual, without undressing, in the room next to the one where the old prince lay.
Several times she waked up, hearing his groaning and muttering, the creak of the
bedstead, and the steps of Tihon and the doctor moving him. Several times she
listened at the door, and it seemed to her that he was muttering more loudly
than usual and turning more restlessly. She could not sleep, and several times
she went to the door, listening, tempted to go in, but unable to make up her
mind to do so. Although he could not speak, Princess Marya saw and knew how he
disliked any expression of anxiety about him. She had noticed how he turned in
displeasure away from her eyes, which were sometimes unconsciously fixed
persistently on him. She knew her going in at night, at an unusual time, would
irritate him.

But never had she felt so sorry for him; never had she felt it so dreadful to
lose him. She went over all her life with him, and in every word, every action,
she saw an expression of his love for her. Occasionally these reminiscences were
interrupted by the temptation of the devil; dreams came back to her imagination
of what would happen after his death, and how she would order her new
independent existence. But she drove away such thoughts with horror. Towards
morning he was quieter, and she fell asleep.

She waked up late. The perfect sincerity, which often accompanies the moment
of waking, showed her unmistakably what it was that was of most interest to her
in her father's illness. She waked up, listened to what was passing through the
door, and catching the sound of his muttering, she told herself with a sigh that
there was no change.

"But what should there be? What did I hope for? I hope for his death," she
cried, with inward loathing of herself.

She washed, dressed, said her prayers, and went out on to the steps. At the
entrance the carriages in which their luggage was packed were standing without
horses.

The morning was warm and grey. Princess Marya lingered on the steps, still
horrified at her own spiritual infamy, and trying to get her ideas into shape
before going in to see him.

The doctor came downstairs and out to her.

"He is a little better to-day," said the doctor. "I was looking for you. One
can make out a little of what he says. His head is clearer. Come in. He is
asking for you..."

Princess Marya's heart beat so violently at this news that she turned pale
and leaned against the door to keep from falling. To see him, to talk to him, to
be under his eyes now, when all her soul was filled with these fearful, sinful
imaginings was full of an agonising joy and terror for her.

"Let us go in," said the doctor.

Princess Marya went in to her father, and went up to his bedside. He was
lying raised high on his back; his little bony hands, covered with knotted
purple veins, were laid on the quilt; his left eye was gazing straight before
him, while the right eye was distorted, and his lips and eyebrows were
motionless. He looked so thin, so small, and pitiable. His face looked withered
up or melted away; his features all seemed smaller. Princess Marya went up and
kissed his hand. His left hand clasped her hand in a way that showed he had long
been wanting her. He twitched her hand, and his eyebrows and lips quivered
angrily.

She looked at him in dismay, trying to fathom what he wanted of her. When she
changed her position so that his left eye could see her, he seemed satisfied,
and for several seconds kept his eye fixed on her. Then his lips and tongue
twitched; sounds came, and he tried to speak, looking with imploring timidity at
her, evidently afraid she would not understand him.

Princess Marya strained every faculty of attention as she gazed at him. The
comic effort with which he strove to make his tongue work made Princess Marya
drop her eyes, and she had much ado to stifle the sobs that rose in her throat.
He was saying something, several times repeating his words. Princess Marya could
not understand them; but she tried to guess what he was saying, and repeated
interrogatively the words she supposed him to be uttering.

"O ... o ... aye ... aye ...!" he repeated several time. It was impossible to
interpret these sounds. The doctor thought he had guessed it, and asked:

"The princess is afraid?"

He shook his head, and again repeated the same sounds.

"The soul, the soul is in pain!" Princess Marya guessed. He grunted
affirmatively, took her hand, and began pressing it to different parts of his
breast as though seeking the right place for it.

"Always thinking!-about you ... thinking ...!" he articulated, far more
intelligibly than before now that he felt sure of being understood. Princess
Marya pressed her head against his arm, trying to hide her sobs and tears.

He passed his hand over her hair.

"I called for you all night ..." he articulated.

"If I had only known ..." she said, through her tears. "I was afraid to come
in."

He pressed her hand.

"Weren't you asleep?"

"No, I couldn't sleep," said Princess Marya, shaking her head.

Unconsciously imitating her father, she tried to speak more by signs, as he
spoke, as though she, too, had a difficulty in articulating.

"Darling!" ... or "dear one!" ... Princess Marya could not distinguish the word;
but from the expression of his eyes she had no doubt what was said was a word of
caressing tenderness such as he had never used to her before. "Why didn't you
come?"

"And I was wishing, wishing for his death!" thought Princess Marya.

He paused.

"Thanks ... to you ... child, dear one! for all, for all ... forgive ... thanks! ...
forgive! ... thanks! ..." And tears flowed from his eyes. "Call Andryusha," he said
suddenly, and a look of childish and deprecating misgiving came into his face at
the question. He seemed to be himself aware that his question had no meaning. So
at least it seemed to Princess Marya.

"I have had a letter from him," answered Princess Marya.

He looked at her with timid wonder.

"Where is he?"

"He is with the army, father, at Smolensk."

He was silent for a long while, closing his eyes. Then, as though to answer
his doubts, and to assert that now he understood it all and remembered, he
nodded his head and opened his eyes.

"Yes," he said, softly and distinctly. "Russia is lost! They have lost
her!"

And again he broke into sobs, and tears flowed from his eyes. Princess Marya
could restrain herself no more, and wept too as she looked at his face.

He closed his eyes again. His sobs ceased. He pointed to his eyes; and Tihon,
understanding him, wiped away his tears.

Then he opened his eyes, and said something, which, for a long while, no one
could understand; and at last Tihon understood and interpreted.

Princess Marya looked for the drift of his words in the direction in which he
had been speaking a minute before. She supposed he was speaking of Russia; then
of Prince Andrey, of herself, of his grandson, then of his own death. And this
was just why she could not understand his words.

"Put on your white dress. I like it," he had said.

When she understood those words Princess Marya sobbed louder than ever, and
the doctor, taking her on his arm, led her out of the room on to the terrace,
trying to persuade her to calm herself, and to devote herself to preparations
for the journey. After Princess Marya had left the prince, he began talking
again of his son, of the war, of the Tsar, twitched his eyebrows angrily, began
to raise his hoarse voice, and was seized by a second and final stroke.

Princess Marya stayed on the terrace. The day had become brilliantly fine,
sunny, and warm. She could grasp nothing, could think of nothing, and feel
nothing but her passionate love for her father, of which it seemed to her that
she had not been aware till that minute. She ran out into the garden, and ran
sobbing towards the pond along the paths planted with young lime-trees by Prince
Andrey.

"Yes ... I ... I ... I longed for his death! Yes, I wanted it soon to be over ... I
wanted to be at peace ... And what will become of me? What use will peace be to me
when he is gone?" Princess Marya muttered aloud, walking with rapid steps
through the garden, and pressing her hands to her bosom, which heaved with
convulsive sobs. Going round the garden in a circle, which brought her back
again to the house, she saw coming towards her Mademoiselle Bourienne (who was
remaining at Bogutcharovo, preferring not to move away), and with her an unknown
gentleman. It was the district marshal, who had come to call on the princess, to
urge upon her the necessity of her immediate departure. Princess Marya listened
and did not take in what he said. She took him into the house, offered him
lunch, and sat down with him. Then asking him to excuse her, she went to the old
prince's door. The doctor came out with a perturbed face and told her she could
not go in.

"Go away, princess; go away!"

Princess Marya went out again into the garden, and by the pond at the bottom
of the hill she sat down on the grass, in a place where no one could see her.
She could not have said how long she was there. A woman's footsteps running
along the path made her look round. She got up and saw Dunyasha, her maid,
evidently running to look for her, stop short, as though in alarm, on seeing her
mistress.

"Come, please, princess ... the prince ..." said Dunyasha, in a breaking
voice.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" the princess cried hurriedly, not letting Dunyasha
have time to say what she meant to; and trying to avoid seeing her, she ran into
the house.

"Princess, it is God's will! You must be prepared for the worst," said the
marshal, meeting her at the door into the house.

"Let me be; it's not true!" she cried angrily at him.

The doctor tried to stop her. She pushed him away and ran to the door. "What
are these people with scared faces stopping me for? I don't want any of them!
What are they doing here?" she thought. She opened the door, and the bright
daylight in the room, always hitherto darkened, frightened her. Her old nurse
and other women were in the room. They all drew back from the bed, making way
for her. He was still lying on the bed as before; but the stern look on his calm
face arrested Princess Marya on the threshold.

"No, he is not dead, it cannot be!" Princess Marya said to herself. She went
up to him, and struggling with the terror that came upon her, she pressed her
lips to his cheek. But she started back from him at once. Instantaneously all
the tenderness she had been feeling for him vanished, and was followed by a
feeling of horror for what lay before her. "No, no, he is no more! He is no
more, and here in the place where he was, is something unfamiliar and sinister,
some fearful, terrifying, and repulsive secret!" And hiding her face in her
hands, Princess Marya sank into the arms of the doctor, who supported her.

In the presence of Tihon and the doctor, the women washed what had been the
prince, bound a kerchief round the head that the mouth might not become rigidly
open, and bound another kerchief round the limbs. Then the uniform with the
decorations was put on, and the little dried-up body was laid on the table.
There was no telling when or who took thought for all this; it all seemed to be
done of itself. Towards night candles were lighted round the coffin, a pall was
laid over it, juniper was strewn on the floor, a printed prayer was put under
the dead withered head, and a deacon sat in the corner reading aloud the
Psalter. Like horses crowding, snorting, and starting round a dead horse,
numbers of familiar and unfamiliar figures crowded round the coffin-the marshal,
and the village elder, and peasant women, and all with scared and fascinated
eyes, crossed themselves, and bowed down and kissed the cold, stiff hand of the
old prince.