When I first saw her, she was walking across the school quad. I stood motionless as if stunned, following her with my eyes. She is the one, I said to my eyes. It was the first day of school. When l asked a classmate about her, he told me to forget it. She has a boyfriend, he said.

我第一次见到她时，她正在校园里漫步，我站在那儿，几乎愣住了，目光被她深深吸引。她就是我的所爱，我暗暗告诉自己。那是开学的第一天，当我向同班同学问起她时，我同学让我忘了她，因为她已经有男朋友了。

A few months later I heard she'd ended her relationship. But I waited at least half a year to ask for a date. When I telephoned her dormitory and asked nervously for her, I transposed the syllables of her first and last names into ludicrous garble. "Dinner on Saturday?" I proposed, embarrassed and expecting rejection "I would enjoy that, " she answered, sounding pleased.

几个月后我听说她已经和男友分手了，但是我至少又等了半年才向她提出约会。我打电话到她寝室找她时心里紧张极了、以至于把她名字的前后音节都念反了，所以把她名字喊得含混不清。"星期六共进晚餐好吗？"我提议说，觉得十分尴尬，我想她会拒绝。"我非常乐意。"她回答道，听起来很愉快。

On Saturday I greeted her at the dorm and was again entranced by her loveliness. I had made reservations at a restaurant 30 miles away. I lost my way and drove aimlessly on rural roads for an hour as my exasperation mounted. She remained good-humored-happy, she said, to tour villages whose histories she had read about.

星期六我去她宿舍接她，并再一次被她的美丽所倾倒。我已在30里外的一家餐馆预定了晚餐，在开车和她去那儿时，我迷了路，以至在乡村的路上漫无目的地转了一个小时，我的心情变得越来越坏。她却一直保持着很高的兴致。并说她很高兴能游览这些乡村--她曾经读过它们的历史。

We never located the restaurant, and then almost ran out of gas. We finally ate at 10 p.m., hamburgers and fries at a dinner. In her floral dress, with her straight blond hair and classic features, she stood out among the local kids.

我们始终没找到那家餐馆，而且汽油也几乎耗尽。最后我们在晚上10点才以汉堡和油炸食品裹腹。那晚她穿着如花般的衣裙，金黄色的头发直披肩头，颜容典雅，站在当地孩子间显得尤其美丽醒目。

Back at school, I was ready to apologize for the evening. But I felt her warm hand take mine, and then she quickly kissed my cheek. "Thank you for a wonderful evening, " she said softly. Before I comprehended what had happened, she disappeared into the dormitory.

回到学校，我正想为那晚的事向她道歉，但她却用温暖的手拉起我的手，然后很快地在我脸上亲了一下，温柔地说："谢谢你让我度过了一个愉快的夜晚。"当我意识到所发生的一切时，她已消失在寝室里。

How many times have there been moments like that, moments of such encompassing grace and love that I doubted their actuality? Moments like the day of our marriage, when on a crisp Sunday morning on the Pacific coast she entered the church on her father's arm and I gazed down the aisle at my soon-to-be wife. Or the moments when our two children were born and her face became radiant as she emerged from the unreachable realm of labor into exultation.

曾经有过多少次那样的时刻，那些充满了包容、优雅与爱的时刻，像婚礼那天，那是个清新的星期天早晨，在太平洋海滨，当她挽着父亲的手步入教堂时，我站在侧廊上凝视着我的未婚妻的那一刻；像是当我们的两个孩子出生时．她从旁人无法触及的分娩痛楚的情形中露出的欢喜时容光焕发的那一刻。

But October 15, 1998, was Different. That flay, we arose at 5 a. m., having a hard slept. How can you rest when a blade will soon sever flesh so dear? She kissed both of our children as they slept, but they never stirred or said "Good luck" or " I love you, Mommy. "

但是1993年10月15日却完全不一样。那天，我们早晨5点就起床了，经历了一个难眠之夜。当你想到手术刀就要割开你所爱的人的肌肤的时候，你怎么还能睡得着呢?她亲吻了我们熟睡中的孩子，但是他们却没有醒过来，对她说："妈妈祝你好运。"或"我爱你，妈眯！"

In the hospital, after we signed the papers, I watched her change into a faded cotton gown and two pairs of socks, as If the worst injury that day would be the chill of the operating room.

在医院，我们签完一些文件之后，我看着她换上一件褪了色的长袍和一双短袜，就好像那天最大的伤害将是手术室里的寒意似的。

She cried in my arms and said she didn't want the surgery. I held her hand as an I.V. was inserted into her arm. In a few seconds her tears stopped and she closed those eyes that had always seemed so clever and clear, but now looked so fearful.

她在我怀里哭着说她不想做那个手术，当注射器刺入她手臂时，我握着她的手。几分钟后她的泪水停止了，她慢慢合上了眼，她的眼神总是那么清澈，闪着智慧的光芒，但是现在那里面却满是恐惧。

Feeling frantic and disconnected I kissed her, and then she was wheeled away through the unforgiving doors of the operating suite.

心里感到离别的痛苦与狂乱，我吻了她，随后她就被车推过了手术室那道无情的门。

I spent the day in the waiting room polishing a manuscript whose only significance was its power to distract.

我在候诊室里花了一整天来校订我那篇手稿，它惟一重要的作用就是分散我焦急的心情。

When she returned to her room late that afternoon, on her chest was an expanse of billowing white bandage placed by a surgeon' s hands with a precision and delicacy she would have admired. I was reminded of the coverlet she had appliqued for our children's cradle when they were infants. The bandage looked gentle and protective reassuring and not as harsh as I had expected.

那天下午很晚的时候她才回到病房，她胸前缠着一大片绷带，那是一位外科医生用手精心地给她缠上的。她应该会喜欢的。因为我想起了当我们的孩子还是婴儿时，她亲手给他们的摇篮缝的床单，而那绷带看上去亲切又安全可靠，也不像我所担心的那么粗糙。

Sitting beside her in a dimly lit room that smelled sharply of disinfectant, I realized that because my life was so intertwined with hers, I, too, was a patient. I felt depleted and wrecked as I stared blankly out the window at pink-gray clouds slowly traversing the afternoon sky.

在一间点着昏暗灯光的房间里，那地方闻起来有很强的消毒剂的味道，我坐在妻子身旁，意识到，正因为我的一生和她如此密切相连，因此我自己实际上也是个病人。当我茫然地盯着午后窗外的天空掠过粉灰色的云时，感到心力交瘁。

It was almost 7 p.m. before she stirred. I heard her moan, and moved to the edge of the bed. I lightly touched her lips with an ice chip from the pitcher on her bedside table, and brushed the gray-flecked hair across her sweaty brow.

差不多是傍晚7点时，她才微微动了一下，我听到了她的呻吟声。我走到她床边，用她床边桌子上水壶里的冰片轻轻触了下她的嘴唇，然后拂开她被汗水湿透的脸上那微灰的头发。

"I love you," I said.

"我爱你。"我说。

At these words, her eyes opened hesitantly. At first her gaze seemed confused and unfocused, but for an instant her eyes sharpened with recognition, and a gentle smile lifted the edges of her mouth.

听到这几个字，她的眼睛迟疑地睁开，起先她的目光看上去是模糊的，然后清晰。有一刻她的双眼敏锐地认出了我，她嘴角露出了温柔的微笑。

"I love you too, "she whispered, and then her eyelids shut.

"我也爱你。"她轻声道，之后合上了眼。

I was close to exhaustion and dislocated in time as I recalled the moment I first saw, her. It was as If I was young again and the sun was resplendent in the morning sky. She is the one, I said once more in my mind 's voice. She is the one.

我几乎精疲力竭了。当我又回忆起第一次见到她的那一刻，时光仿佛回到了从前。我似乎又变年轻了，而那天清晨阳光灿烂。她就是我的所爱，我又一次发自内心地对自己说：她就是我的所爱。
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