A Special Occasion
My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and lifted out a
tissue-wrapped package."This,"he said,"is not a slip.This is lingerie1)."He discarded the
tissue and handed me the slip.
It was exquisite,silk,handmade and trimmed with a
cobweb of lace.The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached.
"Jan bought this the first time we went to New York,at least 8or9years ago.She never wore it.She was saving it for a special occasion."
Well,I guess this is the occasion.
He took the slip from me and put it on the bed,with the other clothes we were
taking to the mortician2).His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment,then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me."Don't ever save anything for a special occasion.Every day you're alive is a special occasion."
I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an
unexpected death.I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's family lives.I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or heard or done.I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.
I'm still thinking about his words,and they've changed the weeds in the garden.I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings.Whenever possible,life should be a pattern of experience to savour3),not endure.I'm
trying to recognize these moments now and
cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything;we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound,getting the sink unstopped,the first camellia4) blossom...I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it.My theory is if I look prosperous,I can shell out5) $28.49for one small bag of groceries without wincing.I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties;clerks in
hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party going friends.
"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip6) on my vocabulary.If it's worth
seeing or
hearing or doing,I want to see and hear and do it now.I'm not sure what my sister would've done had she know that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted.
I think she would have called family members and a few close friends.She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles7). I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner,her favorite food.I'm guessing.I'll never know.
It's those little things left
undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited.Angry because I put off
seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with someday.Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days.Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love them.
I'm
trying very hard not to put off,hold back,or save anything that would add laughter and lustre8) to our lives.
And every morning when I open my eyes,I tell myself that every day,every minute,every breath truly,is...a gift from God.
特殊的场合
妹夫打开了妹妹衣柜最底层抽屉,拿出一个用薄纸裹着的小包。"这个,"他说,"不是衬裙,是件内衣。
"他把薄纸去掉,递给了我那件内衣。它很精致、丝质、手工缝制,周围有一圈密密的花边。上面还有价签,价签上的数字高得惊人。
"这是我们第一次去纽约时简买的,至少已是八、九年前的事了。她从没有穿过它。她在为一个特殊的场合珍藏着它。
"唉,我想现在便是那特殊的场合了。
妹夫从我手中拿过内衣放在床上,和其他我们要带给殡仪人员的衣服放在一起。他的手在那柔软的丝织品上抚摸了一会儿,随即砰然关上抽屉,转身对我说:"不要把任何东西留给什么特殊场合。每天你活着就是一个特殊的场合。"
这两句话久久在我耳边回响着,伴我度过了葬礼和帮妹夫、外甥女处理妹妹意外死亡后的伤心后事的那几天。我从中西部某城妹妹家乘飞机返回加利福尼亚州时还在想这两句话。我想到妹妹从没看过、听过或做过的事。我想到她做过的,但未曾意识到其特殊性的事情。
我还在想着妹夫说过的那两句话,正是这两句话帮我理清了思绪。我要花更多的时间与家人和朋友在一起,少花些时间在那些委员会会议上。无论何时,生活应该是去品尝而非忍受。我要认识到并珍惜现在的时光。
我不再去"珍藏"任何东西;我们为每一特殊事件享用我们精美的瓷器和水晶制品,比如说当体重减了一磅的时候,当厨房水槽通畅了的时候,当第一朵山茶花绽放的时候......如果我想穿,我就穿上我鲜艳的外衣去市场购物。我的理论是如果我看上去还富足的话,我可以毫不心疼地为一小袋食品付出28.49美元。我不再为特殊的晚会而珍藏我上好的香水;五金商店售货员和银行出纳员们的嗅觉和我晚会上朋友们的一样灵敏。
有朝一日"和"某一天"这样的字眼正从我的常用词汇中淡出。如果值得去看、去听或去做,我当即就要去看、去听或去做。我不清楚假如妹妹知道她不会有大家都认为不成问题的明天了,她会做些什么。
我想她会给家人和几位密友打电话。她可能还会给几位昔日朋友打电话主动道歉,捐弃前嫌。我想她可能会外出吃顿她喜欢的中式餐。我只是猜想而已。我永远也不会知道。
假如我知道我的时间不多了,那些没来得及做的小事会让我恼火。恼火是因为我一拖再拖没能去看看我想某一天去联系的好友们。恼火是因为我还没有写出我打算这一两天要写的信。恼火与内疚是因为我没能更经常地告诉我的丈夫和女儿我是多么真切地爱他们。
我正努力不再拖延、保留或珍藏那些能给我们生活带来欢笑和光彩的东西。每天清晨当我睁开双眼,我便告诉自己每一天、每一分钟、每一瞬间都真是......上帝赐予的礼物。
NOTE 注释:
1. lingerie n. 妇女贴身内衣
2. mortician n. 殡仪业者
3. savour v. 品尝
4. camellia n. [植]茶属, 茶花, 山茶
5. shell out 交付, 支付
6. grip n. 掌握, 控制
7. squabble v. 争论
8. luster n. 光彩, 光泽
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