would like to thank the makers of lamotrigine sertraline and reboxetine because without those few simple chemicals i would not be vertical today
so how did it start
my mentalillness well i 'm not even going to talk about my mentalillness what am i going to talk about okay i always dreamt that when i had my final breakdown it would be because i had a deep kafkaesque existentialist revelation
or that maybe cate blanchett would play me and she would win an oscar for it laughter but that 's not what happened i had my breakdown during my daughter 's sports day there were all the parents sitting in
parking lot eating food out of the back of their car only the english
lord and lady rigor mortis were nibbling on the tarmac and then the gun went off and all the girlies started running and all the mummies went
i would have been inundated but all i got was a couple phone calls telling me to perk up
perk up because i didn 't think of that
that you get with this disease this one comes with a package is you get a real sense of shame
because your friends go oh come on show me the lump show me the x rays and of course you 've got nothing to show so you 're like really disgusted with yourself because you 're thinking i 'm not being carpet bombed i don 't live in a township
so you start to hear these abusive voices but you don 't hear one abusive voice you hear about a thousand one hundred thousand abusive voices like if the devil had tourette 's that 's what it would sound like
but we all know in here you know there is no devil there are no voices in your head you know that when you have those abusive voices all those little neurons get together and in that little gap you get a real toxic i want to kill myself kind of chemical and if you have that over and over again on a loop tape you might have yourself depression
oh and that 's not even the tip of the iceberg
if you get a little baby and you abuse it verbally its little brain sends out chemicals that are so destructive that the little part of its brain that can tell good from bad just doesn 't grow so you might have yourself a homegrown psychotic
if a soldier sees his friend blown up his brain goes into such high alarm that he can 't actually put the experience into words so he just feels the horror over and over again so here 's my question my question is how come when people have mental damage it 's always an active imagination
how come every other organ in your body can get sick and you get sympathy except the brain
or you have an experience that bush grows you know that bush of information can you imagine every human being is carrying that equipment even paris hilton
because i 'll show you where there might be a few glitches in evolution okay let me just explain this to you when we were ancient man
millions of years ago and we suddenly felt threatened by a predator
when we feel in danger we still fill up with our own chemical but because we can 't kill traffic wardens
the fuel just stays in our body over and over so we 're in a constant state of alarm a constant state and here 's another thing that happened about one hundred and fifty thousand years ago when language came online
we started to put words to this constantemergency so it wasn 't just oh my god there 's a saber toothed tiger which could be it was suddenly oh my god i didn 't send the email oh my god my thighs are too fat oh my god everybody can see i 'm stupid
it 's not going to be one in four it 's going to be four in four who are really really going to get ill in the upstairs department and while we 're at it can we please stop the stigma thank you
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