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孩子多大开始性教育

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Remember that proverbial parent-child talk about the birds and the bees?


记得所有父母和孩子之间都会进行的那种两性基本知识谈话吗？



The prevailing thinking among child-development experts is that this 'talk' should actually be a dialogue that starts as soon as the child can speak and continues until the child reaches young adulthood.


儿童成长教育专家普遍认为，这个"谈话"实际上应该是从孩子刚会说话时就开始的对话，并且一直持续到孩子成年。



'The notion that we are supposed to have one talk about the birds and the bees and be done with it is a myth,' says L. Kris Gowen, a developmental psychologist and seniorresearchassociate at Portland State University in Oregon.


美国俄勒冈州波特兰州立大学（Portland State University）的发展心理学家及高级研究助理高恩（L. Kris Gowen）说，以为对孩子进行一次基本性知识谈话就万事大吉了的观念是一个误区。



Many parents know exactly what they want to tell their children about sex, and how and when. The American Academy of Pediatrics says by age 10, a child should have learned about human sexuality, including the changes of puberty and normal development, the correct names of body parts and differences between males and females. These chats should be age-appropriate, of course. But if parents wait until the early teens -- or even middle school -- to tell their kids the facts of life, they have waited too long.


许多家长确切地知道自己想在性方面对孩子说些什么、如何说以及什么时间说。美国儿科学会（American Academy of Pediatrics）表示，儿童在10岁时应该掌握性知识，包括青春期的变化及正常发育、身体各个部位的正确名称以及男女之间的差别。当然，这些知识的传授应该与孩子的年龄相适宜。但如果家长等到孩子十几岁甚至上中学时才把性知识告诉他们，那么等的时间就太久了。



Parents of young children find it increasingly difficult to shield children from explicit sexual topics, whether it is the latest public-figure sex scandal, a jeans billboard with a half-naked model 10 stories tall, or Internet pornography.


从最新的公众人物性丑闻，半裸模特出镜的10层楼高的牛仔裤广告牌，到网络色情，这些都让幼小孩童的家长发现，避免孩子接触露骨的性话题是越来越困难了。



By talking to their children, whatever they decide to say, parents can convey their values, childhood development experts say. 'The one thing that you can do that no one else can do is share your values,' says Amy Lang, founder of Birds+Bees+Kids, a Seattle company that helps parents and others learn how to talk to children about sex. 'And the payoff is huge: The more information kids have, the better decisions they make.'


儿童成长教育专家表示，无论家长打算说什么，通过和孩子的谈话，他们都会传达出自己的价值观。Birds+Bees+Kids公司创始人朗格（Amy Lang）说，除了你之外没有其他人能做到的一件事就是和孩子分享你的价值观；这样做有巨大的好处：孩子掌握的信息越多，他们就会做出越好的决定。Birds+Bees+Kids是西雅图一家帮助家长及其他人学习如何与孩子谈论性问题的公司。



Sex education remains controversial on the state and local level. Currently it is required in 21 states, according to the Guttmacher Institute, a reproductive-health think tank that favors comprehensive sex education. A 2007 report by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, a nonprofit group in Washington, D.C., evaluated programs aimed at preventing teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections and found the more information kids got, including information about abstinence, the less likely they were to have sex. 'Research shows that the more kids learn, the less likely they are to have sex,' Dr. Gowen says.


在美国，无论在州一级还是地方一级，性教育都仍然是颇具争议的话题。赞成进行全面性教育的生殖健康研究智库机构古特马赫研究所（Guttmacher Institute）称，目前有21个州要求学校进行性教育。华盛顿特区非营利组织、全美预防青少年怀孕及意外怀孕运动（National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy）2007年的一份报告对那些旨在防止青少年怀孕及性传播疾病的方案进行了评估，结果发现孩子获得的信息越多（包括关于节欲的信息），他们进行性行为的可能性就越小。高恩博士说，研究表明，孩子了解得越多，就越不会进行性行为。



Some people advocate abstinence-only programs, which teach kids to wait for sex and often focus on the risks of sexually transmitted infections and pregnancy. In 2007, a study by Mathematica Policy Research, of Princeton, N.J., a social-policy research firm, indicated that abstinence-only programs had no overall impact on teens' sexual activity and rates of unprotected sex.


有人提倡"惟有禁欲"的方案，也就是教导孩子不要过早发生性行为，并且通常主要讲述性传播疾病及怀孕的风险。2007年，新泽西州社会政策研究机构Mathematica Policy Research表示，这种"惟有禁欲"的方案对青少年的性活动以及无保护性行为的比率没有大的影响。



But what do we say? 'Don't worry if you don't have the answers,' says Deborah Tolman, professor of social welfare and psychology at Hunter College and the Graduate Center, the City University of New York. One of the most honest things you can say to a child is that you don't have the answer, she says.


那我们该说什么呢？纽约市立大学（City University of New York）亨特学院（Hunter College）和研究生中心（Graduate Center）的社会福利及心理学教授托尔曼（Deborah Tolman）说，如果你没答案，也不要担心。她说，对一个孩子可以说的最诚实的一件事就是，你没有答案。



Even Ms. Lang found out she didn't know how to phrase the discussion a few years ago, when her son was seven. She showed him a book about sex written for kids called 'What's the Big Secret?' He looked at a drawing of a man in bed on top of a woman and asked: 'So, how long do you have to lie there like that?' Ms. Lang's answer? 'Uhmmmm . . . Two minutes? Two hours? It just depends.'


就连朗格也发现，她在几年前儿子七岁时也不知该如何在这种讨论中措辞。她给他看一本名为《什么大不了的秘密？》（What's the Big Secret?）的儿童性教育书。他看着床上一个男人在女人身上的图片问道，那么，那样躺着要躺多久？朗格答道，嗯......两分钟？两小时？这要看情况而定。



'I felt completely unprepared,' says Ms. Lang, who has since written her own book about talking to kids about sexuality, love and relationships. She learned how to have an ongoing dialogue with her son, now 11, sometimes using news stories as a jumping-off point.


朗格说，我觉得自己被问得措手不及。从此她就自己开始写与孩子谈论性、爱情和恋爱话题的书。她学会了如何与自己的儿子进行持续的对话，有时会用新闻报道作为切入点。她的儿子现在11岁了。



Children who feel able to talk to their parents about sex are more likely to talk with them about other things. When her daughter, Arden, was in third grade, Kim Estes, 44, a Redmond, Wash., mom, sat on her bed and they read a book together called 'Where Did I Come From?' A few days later, Arden had some questions, including, 'How often do you and Daddy do this?' Ms. Estes tried to be honest: 'We did it a whole lot when we were trying to have you,' she said.


感觉能和父母谈论性的孩子更有可能会和父母谈论其他事情。44岁的埃斯特（Kim Este）是华盛顿州雷蒙德（Redmond）的一位母亲，她的工作是为家长讲解儿童安全和性虐待知识。在女儿奥尔登（Arden）上三年级时，她坐在女儿的床上跟女儿一起读一本名叫《我来自哪里？》（Where Did I Come From?）的书。几天后，奥尔登有了一些问题，包括"你和爸爸多长时间做一次？"。埃斯特试着诚实地回答：她说，我们在打算怀你的时候做了很多很多次。



Arden is now 14, and the two have discussed puberty, healthy relationships and birth control. At bedtime one evening this summer, Arden told her mother, 'I have something to tell you,' and started crying. She said she'd gone on a chat site for teens, started writing to a boy she'd never met and gave him her cellphone number. The two had exchanged 900 text messages.


奥尔登现在14岁，她和妈妈讨论过青春期、健康的恋爱关系以及节育的问题。今年夏天某天晚上，奥尔登在睡觉前告诉妈妈说，我有事要告诉你。然后就开始哭了起来。她说她去了一个青少年聊天网站，给一个从未谋面的男孩写信，并把手机号给了他。两人互发了900条短信。



Ms. Estes, who talks to parents about child safety and sex abuse, had Arden show her the website and the text messages. Then she told her daughter about the dangers of connecting with strangers online, and her daughter promised not to do it again. 'I really think that first conversation about the birds and the bees opened the door for her to feel that she can come talk to me about anything,' says Ms. Estes.


埃斯特让奥尔登给自己看那个网站和短信。然后她对女儿说了在网上与陌生人联系存在的危险，于是女儿承诺下不为例。埃斯特说，我真的认为就是因为第一次和她有关性知识的谈话，她才会觉得能和我谈论任何事情。



'I knew my mom was ask-able,' Arden says. 'She was calm during the sex talk.'


奥尔登说，我知道我可以找妈妈谈；我们谈论性时她很平静。



Kids also need to know about the social and emotional components. Starting when they are toddlers, experts say, they should learn the correct, clinical words for body parts. Parents can explain what constitutes safe and unsafe touching, and what happens during pregnancy and birth.


孩子还需要了解性的社会意义和情感意义。专家说，从蹒跚学步开始，孩子就应该学习身体各个部位的正确临床名称。家长可以解释什么是安全的和不安全的触摸，以及怀孕和生育期间是怎么回事。



Children this young may have questions about same-sex couples ('Why does Johnny have two mommies?'). Parents may want to explain that families come in different shapes and sizes, Dr. Gowen says.


这么小的孩子可能会对同性恋夫妻有疑问（比如"为什么强尼有两个妈妈？"）。高恩博士说，家长可以解释说，家庭有不同的形态和大小。



Parents of kids ages 5 to 8 should continue to clarify facts. It's also time to start talking about the changes that will occur in puberty. And Ms. Lang recommends by about age 8 or 9 having a discussion about pornography. 'Give them a heads up that sometimes people look at videos and pictures of naked people on the Internet and that this is not OK for kids,' Ms. Lang says.


对于5至8岁的儿童，家长应该继续让他们了解事实。这时候也应该开始讲讲青春期会发生的变化。朗格建议在孩子约8岁或9岁时谈谈色情作品。朗格说，提前告诫他们，说有时人们会在网上看裸体的视频和照片，而小孩是不能看的。



Kids ages 9 through 12 should get more information about puberty and learn what changes the opposite sex will experience, as well. Also talk about how, eventually, they will discover how a sexualrelationship can be good and how it can be dangerous. You should communicate your values about sex.


9岁至12岁的孩子应该获得更多有关青春期的知识，还要了解异性会经历的变化。同时也要讲讲，最终他们会如何辨别一段性关系是好的还是危险的。你应该向孩子传达自己对性的价值观。



Once your child is a teenager, the focus shifts from the nuts and bolts to in-depth talks about values. You should discuss dating, romantic life and what a healthyrelationship is. Continue to talk about safe sex and explain to kids how to protect themselves from both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Teens who are taught about risks and how to avoid them tend to wait longer before starting to have sex, and they have fewer partners when they do become sexually active, some experts say.


孩子到了13岁至19岁的青少年时期，重点就要从基本知识转移到价值观的深度讨论。你应该讲解约会、爱情生活以及健康的恋爱关系是什么。继续谈论安全的性行为，并向孩子解释如何保护自己，防止怀孕以及避免染上性传播疾病。一些专家说，了解过风险以及如何避免风险的青少年往往会等待更长时间才开始有性行为，并且在性行为活跃期间有较少的性伴侣。



Parents of teenagers can ask them questions, to get them thinking critically about sex. What do other students at school do? What do you think of this? When is a person ready for sex?


青少年的家长可以问他们问题，让他们对性进行批判性思考。其他学生在学校里是怎么做的？你对这件事有什么看法？一个人什么时候准备好了可以进行性行为？



As teens get older, the talk should focus more on relationships. Both boys and girls need to hear from their parents about casual sex, peer pressure and how to resist it, date rape and how to be respectful in a relationship.


随着青少年慢慢长大，谈话应该将重点更多地放在恋爱上。男孩和女孩都需要从父母那里得知一夜情、同龄人压力以及如何克服这种压力、约会强奸以及如何在恋爱时尊重对方等知识。



Parents should talk to teens about sexting -- and remind them that a sexually explicit text message isn't private and could be illegal. And they should talk more about pornography. 'Talk to them about why you don't like it: It's unnatural and unloving,' Portland State's Dr. Gowen says.


家长应该告诉青少年有关"性短信"的知识，并提醒他们，色情短信并不是个人隐私，并且可能是非法的。他们还应该多谈谈色情作品。高恩博士说，跟他们说为什么你不喜欢色情作品：因为它不是发自内心并且不是出于爱意。



Elizabeth Bernstein


文章标签:教育  
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