MAGISTRATE
You put things indeed! Oh! this is too much! The
insolence of
the creatures!
LYSISTRATA
Be still!
MAGISTRATE
May I die a thousand deaths ere I obey one who wears a veil!
LYSISTRATA
If that's all that troubles you, here, take my veil, wrap it round
your head, and hold your tongue.
CLEONICE
Then take this basket; put on a
girdle, card wool, munch beans.
The war shall be women's business.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Lay aside your water-pots, we will guard them, we will help our
friends and companions.
CHORUS OF WOMEN (singing)
For myself, I will never weary of the dance; my knees will never
grow stiff with
fatigue. I will brave everything with my dear
allies, on whom Nature has lavished
virtue, grace, boldness,
cleverness, and whose
wisely directed
energy is going to save the
State.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Oh! my good,
gallant Lysistrata, and all my friends, be ever
like a
bundle of nettles; never let your anger
slacken; the winds of
fortune blow our way.
LYSISTRATA
May gentle Love and the sweet Cyprian Queen
shower seductive
charms on our breasts and our thighs. If only we may stir so amorous a
feeling among the men that they stand as firm as sticks, we shall
indeed
deserve the name of peace-makers among the Greeks.
MAGISTRATE
How will that be, pray?
LYSISTRATA
To begin with, we shall not see you any more
running like mad
fellows to the Market
holding lance in fist.
CLEONICE
That will be something gained, anyway, by the Paphian goddess,
it will!
LYSISTRATA
Now we see them, mixed up with saucepans and kitchen stuff,
armed to the teeth, looking like wild Corybantes!
MAGISTRATE
Why, of course; that's what brave men should do.
LYSISTRATA
Oh! but what a funny sight, to behold a man wearing a
Gorgon's-bead buckler coming along to buy fish!
CLEONICE
The other day in the Market I saw a phylarch with flowing
ringlets; he was on
horseback, and was pouring into his
helmet the
broth he had just bought at an old dame's still. There was a
Thracian
warrior too, who was brandishing his lance like Tereus in the
play; he had scared a good woman selling figs into a perfect panic,
and was gobbling up all her ripest fruit-
MAGISTRATE
And how, pray, would you propose to
restore peace and order in all
the countries of Greece?
LYSISTRATA
It's the easiest thing in the world!
MAGISTRATE
Come, tell us how; I am curious to know.
LYSISTRATA
When we are winding thread, and it is tangled, we pass the spool
across and through the skein, now this way, now that way; even so,
to finish of the war, we shall send embassies
hither and t
hither and
everywhere, to disentangle matters.
MAGISTRATE
And is it with your yarn, and your skeins, and your spools, you
think to
appease so many bitter enmities, you silly women?
LYSISTRATA
If only you had common sense, you would always do in politics
the same as we do with our yarn.
MAGISTRATE
Come, how is that, eh?
LYSISTRATA
First we wash the yarn to separate the
grease and filth; do the
same with all bad citizens, sort them out and drive them forth with
rods-they're the refuse of the city. Then for all such as come
crowding up in search of employments and offices, we must card them
thoroughly; then, to bring them all to the same standard, pitch them
pell-mell into the same basket,
resident aliens or no,
allies, debtors
to the State, all mixed up together. Then as for our Colonies, you
must think of them as so many isolated hanks; find the ends of the
separate threads, draw them to a centre here, wind them into one, make
one great hank of the lot, out of which the public can weave itself
a good, stout tunic.
MAGISTRATE
Is it not a sin and a shame to see them carding and winding the
State, these women who have neither art nor part in the burdens of the
war?
LYSISTRATA
What!
wretched man! why, it's a far heavier burden to us than to
you. In the first place, we bear sons who go off to fight far away
from Athens.
MAGISTRATE
Enough said! do not recall sad and sorry memories!
LYSISTRATA
Then
secondly, instead of enjoying the pleasures of love and
making the best of our youth and beauty, we are left to
languish far
from our husbands, who are all with the army. But say no more of
ourselves; what afflicts me is to see our girls growing old in
lonely grief.
MAGISTRATE
Don't the men grow old too?
LYSISTRATA
That is not the same thing. When the soldier returns from the
wars, even though he has white hair, he very soon finds a young
wife. But a woman has only one summer; if she does not make hay
while the sun shines, no one will afterwards have anything to say to
her, and she spends her days consulting oracles that never send her
a husband.
MAGISTRATE
But the old man who can still get an erection...
LYSISTRATA
But you, why don't you get done with it and die? You are rich;
go buy yourself a bier, and I will knead you a honey-cake for
Cerberus. Here, take this garland.
(Drenching him with water.)
CLEONICE
And this one too.
(Drenching him with water.)
MYRRHINE
And these fillets.
(Drenching him with water.)
LYSISTRATA
What else do you need? Step
aboard the boat; Charon is
waiting for
you, you're keeping him from pushing off.
MAGISTRATE
To treat me so scurvily! What an insult! I will go show myself
to my fellow-magistrates just as I am.
LYSISTRATA
What! are you blaming us for not having exposed you according to
custom? Nay,
console yourself; we will not fail to offer up the
third-day sacrifice for you, first thing in the morning.
(She goes into the Acropolis, with CLEONICE and MYRRHINE.)
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Awake, friends of freedom; let us hold ourselves aye ready to act.
CHORUS OF OLD MEN (singing)
I
suspect a
mighty peril; I
foresee another
tyranny like Hippias'.
I am sore afraid the Laconians assembled here with Clisthenes have, by
a
stratagem of war, stirred up these women, enemies of the gods, to
seize upon our treasury and the funds
whereby I lived.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
Is it not a sin and a shame for them to
interfere in advising
the citizens, to prate of shields and lances, and to ally themselves
with Laconians, fellows I trust no more than I would so many
famished wolves? The whole thing, my friends, is nothing else but an
attempt to re-establish
tyranny. But I will never
submit; I will be on
my guard for the future; I will always carry a blade
hidden under
myrtle boughs; I will post myself in the public square under arms,
shoulder to shoulder with Aristogiton; and now, to make a start, I
must just break a few of that cursed old jade's teeth yonder.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
Nay, never play the brave man, else when you go back home, your
own mother won't know you. But, dear friends and
allies, first let
us lay our burdens down.
CHORUS OF WOMEN (singing)
Then, citizens all, hear what I have to say. I have useful counsel
to give our city, which
deserves it well at my hands for the brilliant
distinctions it has lavished on my girlhood. At seven years of age,
I carried the
sacred vessels; at ten, I pounded
barley for the altar
of Athene; next, clad in a robe of yellow silk, I played the bear to
Artemis at the Brauronia;
presently, when I was grown up, a tall,
handsome
maiden, they put a
necklace of dried figs about my neck,
and I was one of the Canephori.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF WOMEN
So surely I am bound to give my best advice to Athens. What
matters that I was born a woman, if I can cure your misfortunes? I pay
my share of tolls and taxes, by giving men to the State. But you,
you
miserable greybeards, you
contribute nothing to the public
charges; on the
contrary, you have wasted the treasure of our
forefathers, as it was called, the treasure amassed in the days of the
Persian Wars. You pay nothing at all in return; and into the bargain
you
endanger our lives and liberties by your mistakes. Have you one
word to say for yourselves?... Ah! don't
irritate me, you there, or
I'll lay my
slipper across your jaws; and it's pretty heavy.
CHORUS OF OLD MEN (singing)
Outrage upon outrage! things are going from bad to worse. Let us
punish the minxes, every one of us that has balls to boast of. Come,
off with our tunics, for a man must
savour of
manhood; come, my
friends, let us strip naked from head to foot. Courage, I say, we
who in our day garrisoned Lipsydrion; let us be young again, and shake
off eld.
LEADER OF CHORUS OF OLD MEN
If we give them the least hold over us, that's the end! their
audacity will know no bounds! We shall see them building ships, and
fighting sea-fights, like Artemisia; and, if they want to mount and
ride as
cavalry, we had best
cashier the knights, for indeed women
excel in riding, and have a fine. firm seat for the
gallop. Just think
of all those squadrons of Amazons Micon has painted for us engaged
in hand-to-hand
combat with men. Come then, we must now fit collars to
all these
willing necks.
CHORUS OF WOMEN (singing)
By the
blessed goddesses, if you anger me, I will let loose the
beast of my evil passions, and a very hailstorm of blows will set
you yelling for help. Come, dames, off with your tunics, and quick's
the word; women must smell the smell of women in the throes of
passion.... Now just you dare to
measure strength with me, old
greybeard, and I
warrant you you'll never eat
garlic or black beans
any more. No, not a word! my anger is at boiling point, and I'll do
with you what the
beetle did with the eagle's eggs.