酷兔英语
    当前位置:
  1. 首页
  2. 文章
  3. 娱乐英语
  4. 时尚潮人
  5. 正文

鼓足勇气对好朋友说出“我爱你”

0 收藏 0 分享 0 赞


Jim Dailakis had been working up the nerve for months to say 'I love you' -- to a good buddy, Tom.


吉姆•戴拉奇斯(Jim Dailakis)做了好几个月的思想斗争，想要鼓足勇气对好朋友汤姆(Tom)说出"我爱你"。



When Mr. Dailakis arrived in Syracuse, N.Y., from Australia and needed a place to stay, Tom took him in. He introduced Mr. Dailakis to his family, advised him on girlfriends and coached him on his career.


现年42岁的戴拉奇斯是一位演员兼滑稽剧表演家。几年前，戴拉奇斯刚从澳大利亚来到纽约州锡拉丘兹市(Syracuse)需要找住处时，汤姆收留了他。他把戴拉奇斯介绍给自己的家人，在他跟异性交往时提出建议，并给他的职业发展给予指导。



Three years later, Mr. Dailakis was moving to Manhattan, and it was time to say goodbye. His palms began to sweat, his heart raced and he started to shake. 'It was just as difficult to tell a bloke I loved him as it was to tell a woman I love her,' says Mr. Dailakis, 42, an actor and comic.


三年后，戴拉奇斯要搬去曼哈顿，离别的时候到了。他的手心冒汗，心脏狂跳，身子也在发抖。他说，"跟一位男士说我爱他，就跟向一位女士表白心迹一样地困难。"



How is it that we find a way to ask a boss for a raise or tell a spouse we hate their outfit, but we end up tongue-tied when we try to say 'I love you' to the people who matter most to us? We have no trouble saying this to a pet. And we talk about how much we love our possessions -- houses, cars, clothes -- without thinking twice.


我们能想办法跟老板提出加薪，直言不讳地表示自己不喜欢另一半身上的衣服，为何想要向自己最在意的人说出"我爱你"时却舌头打结呢？我们可以毫无困难地对宠物说出这话，也可以直截了当地表达出自己对所有物──房子、车子、衣物──的喜爱。



Maybe it's because many of us grew up in families where love, while present, was rarely expressed verbally. And men typically are taught to show affection by giving gifts -- especially at this time of year -- or by being helpful or protective.


也许这同我们很多人成长的家庭环境有关，尽管心中有爱，但从小我们很少会用言语来表达爱意。男孩子通常接受的教导是，要通过赠送礼物──尤其是一年中的这个时刻──或者通过给予帮助或保护来表达情感。



Technology doesn't help, even as it keeps us hyper-connected. We email, text or tweet in as few words as possible, many of which we don't even bother to spell out. And without eye contact, or even full sentences, it's hard to express our true feelings.


尽管科技让我们时刻保持紧密的联络，却不能帮助我们自如地表达爱意。我们用尽可能精练的语言来发电邮、短信、推特，有些词我们甚至都懒得写完整。没有了眼神交流，甚至没有完整的句子，要表达真实情感真的很难。



Granted, telling someone we love them for the first time, no matter who they are, is emotionally risky. We hope for reciprocity, that the person will say it back.


当然了，不管对方是谁，如果你先开口说爱他/她，总是会存在风险的。我们希望自己的表白能得到回报，对方也会回应说他/她爱我。



'It can be terrifying because you're showing that you need this person, and they may fail you,' says Diana Kirschner, author of the book 'Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor's Guide to Lasting Love' and a psychologist in New York.


《让爱更牢固：爱情导师指南》(Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor's Guide to Lasting Love)一书的作者、纽约心理学家戴安娜•柯希纳(Diana Kirschner)说，情况可能会很糟糕，因为你表白了你需要这个人，但是对方也许会令你失望。



Recently I found it so hard to tell an old friend how much I valued his support that I started babbling about Winnie-the-Pooh. 'Remember Piglet?' I said. 'Uh . . . where are we going with this?' he asked nervously.


最近我想跟一个老朋友表白我多么珍视他给予我的支持，我发现真的很困难，我只好扯起了小熊维尼。我说，"还记得小猪皮杰吗？"他紧张地问道，"呃......怎么说起这个了？"



I related the story of how one day in the woods, Piglet walks up behind Pooh and whispers his name, and Pooh answers, 'Yes, Piglet?' Piglet takes Pooh's hand and replies, 'Nothing, I just wanted to be sure of you.'


我给他讲了那个故事：有一天在树林里，小猪皮杰在小熊维尼背后轻声地叫了他的名字，维尼答道，"怎么了，皮杰？"小猪皮杰上前握住维尼的手，答道，"没什么，我只是想确定你就在这里。"



My friend took this tale remarkably well, replying, 'I'm here.' (Later, when I googled the quote, I was horrified to find it on a Web page titled '5 Easy Ways to Say I Love You.')


我朋友听了这个故事之后完全心领神会，他答道，"我就在这里。"（后来，我上谷歌搜索这句话，发现它赫然出现在某个网页上一篇名为"表白爱意的五个巧妙方法"(5 Easy Ways to Say I Love You)的文章当中，令我惊骇莫名。）



It isn't necessarily less risky to express love to a platonic friend than to a lover. When Ali Bierman, 59, a holistic health-care practitioner, moved to Boise, Idaho, a few years ago, she made a friend who became important to her. He showed her around town, introduced her to new people, even picked her up at the airport in the middle of the night. One day, Ms. Bierman decided to tell him how much he meant to her. 'I was so moved by who he was to me I had tears in my eyes, and I told him, 'I love you,'' she recalls.


向一位纯友谊的朋友表达爱意，其风险性不见得亚于情侣之间的表白。59岁的阿里•比尔曼(Ali Bierman)是一位全科保健医生，几年前搬家到了爱达荷州的博伊西(Boise)，在那里结识了一位对她而言意义非凡的朋友。这位朋友带她四处参观、给她介绍新朋友，甚至在半夜里去机场接她。有一天，比尔曼决定告诉这位朋友他对自己是多么地重要。她回忆道，"他为我做的一切让我感动不已，我眼里含着泪水，告诉他，'我爱你。'"



Sadly, her friend didn't respond -- or even acknowledge her feelings. He began to call and visit less often, and one day when Ms. Bierman called him, he said he was busy and would call back. He never did. 'It was a huge loss for me,' says Ms. Bierman.


遗憾的是，她的朋友没有给出回应──甚至没有接受她的情感。之后他打电话和来访的次数都减少了。有一天，比尔曼给他打电话，他说自己很忙，再打电话给她，但是后来他并没有回电话。比尔曼说，"这对我来说是一个莫大的损失。"



To minimize our emotional vulnerability, many of us have found easy-breezy (read: 'safe') ways to express our affection: 'Lots of love.' 'Hugs and Kisses.' 'XOXO.'


为了让自己不要再表白后受到伤害，我们很多人找到了一些表白情感的稳妥安全的方法，比如："对你满怀爱意"、"拥抱一下亲一下"、"抱抱亲亲"。



Here's the problem with this: It doesn't make us feel any closer to each other. 'Throwing out a 'love ya' as a catch phrase isn't the same as saying, 'I love you' with real intent,' says Dr. Kirschner. When we look a friend in the eye and tell him we love him, or vice versa, the brain releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone, she says. This doesn't happen when we fire off a quick 'Luv U' text.


这种表白方式的问题在于：不能够让彼此比以前更加亲近。柯希纳博士说，"随口而出的一句'爱你'跟郑重其事的一句'我爱你'效果当然不同。"她说，你看着一位朋友的眼睛，告诉他你爱他，此时大脑会释放出催产素──可以增进彼此情感的一种荷尔蒙。而如果只是匆匆忙忙地发出一个"Luv U"的短信，是无法产生这样的效果的。



It's a shame it's so hard to say what Mr. Dailakis calls 'those damn three little words.' In Syracuse, he sputtered and stalled until his friend Tom said them first. 'What a relief,' Mr. Dailakis recalls thinking.


现年59岁的莉莲•考尔德威尔(Lillian Cauldwell)是密歇根州安娜堡(Ann Arbor)一家网络电台的老板，她丈夫巴里(Barry)66岁，是一名商业资讯顾问，两人结婚已经22年了。莉莲经常告诉巴里她爱他，巴里则会答复"我也是"、"我也爱你"。



Lillian Cauldwell often tells her husband of 22 years that she loves him. He replies, 'Likewise,' 'Ditto,' or 'Me, too.' 'I know he loves me,' says Ms. Cauldwell, 59, the owner of an Internet talk-radio station in Ann Arbor, Mich. 'When I grew up, there simply weren't any statements of things like that in our family,' says her husband, Barry, 66, a business consultant.


巴里说，"在我成长过程中，家人很少会这样相互表白。"



Judy Bates, 58, a writer in Corner, Ala., had a friend, now deceased, who seemed incapable of saying 'I love you' to his son and daughter. But Ms. Bates saw her friend hold and kiss his infant grandchild and say, 'Tell that Mommy and Daddy of yours that I love them, too.' The parents were standing there.


58岁的朱迪•贝茨(Judy Bates)是亚拉巴马州科尔纳市(Corner)的一位作家，她的一位亡友生前就不会对自己的儿子和女儿说"我爱你"，不过贝茨看到过这位朋友抱着年幼的孙子，吻着他说道，"告诉你妈妈和爸爸我也爱他们。"而当时孩子的爸爸妈妈就在边上站着。



Often, the loss of a family member prompts people to say 'I love you' more often. Rich Largman, 47, a business coach in Morristown, N.J., didn't tell his mother how much he loved her before she died of cancer, when he was 27. Since then, he tells his father and brother that he loves them every time he sees them. 'I only need to lose one parent to learn the lesson to love fully, to not hold back,' he says.


通常，一位家人的离世能够激发人们说出"我爱你"。47岁的里奇•拉格曼(Rich Largman)是新泽西州莫里斯敦(Morristown)的一位商务教练，在27岁母亲去世之前他从来没有对母亲说过自己有多爱她。在此之后，他每次见到父亲和弟弟都要告诉他们自己爱他们。他说，"失去了母亲之后，我才懂得了应当全情付出，不要有所保留。"



Need help with 'I love you'? Here's what I've learned:


怎么表白"我爱你"呢？以下是我学到的一些方法：



Pretend you're a child. My sister recently tried to teach her son, Zachy, who is almost three, to sing the song 'Do You Love Me?' from 'Fiddler on the Roof' with her. Each time she sang the title lyric, Zachy belted out 'YES!'


假装自己是个小孩子。我姐姐最近在教她快三岁的儿子扎奇(Zachy)唱《屋顶上的小提琴手》(Fiddler on the Roof)里的那首《你爱我吗？》(Do You Love Me?)。每次她一唱"你爱我吗？"，扎奇就马上回唱道，"是的！"



Ask the person to say it back to you. Dr. Kirschner calls this 'positive shaping talk.' If you tell your mother that you love her and she doesn't respond, say, 'Mom, I would really appreciate it if you told me you loved me.' If mom freezes, Dr. Kirschner says, gently coax and encourage her. 'No one can read your mind,' she says. 'You have to teach them how to show you love.'


请对方也说出"我爱你"。柯希纳博士称之为"正面塑造谈话"。如果你跟你妈妈说你爱她，而她没有给出回应，那就对她说，"妈妈，如果你能说你爱我，那我就太开心了。"柯希纳博士说，如果你妈妈觉得说不出口，那么温柔地好言好语相劝，鼓励她开口。她说，"没人能够了解你的内心所想，你得教他们怎么表达对你的爱。"



Show, don't tell. Gary Goodrich, 75, a retired driver's-license examiner, admits that he hasn't often told his wife of 50 years, Donna, that he loves her. But he warms up her car for her on cold mornings, opens her soda cans or makes dinner when she is working on a deadline. One day, after a particularly tough week, Ms. Goodrich was crying. Her husband told her to shut her eyes and then pressed a sticker on her blouse that said, 'You are Special!' The gesture made her day, Ms. Goodrich says. 'It was easier than saying 'I love you,'' Mr. Goodrich says.


用行动而非语言来表达。75岁的加里•古德里奇(Gary Goodrich)是一名退休的驾照考官，他跟妻子多娜(Donna)结婚已经50年了，他承认自己很少对妻子说"我爱你"。不过在冷天的早上他会帮妻子热车、帮妻子开罐装苏打水、妻子赶工作的时候他负责下厨。有一天，在经历了特别艰难的一周之后，多娜忍不住哭了。做丈夫的让她闭上眼睛，然后在她的衣服上贴了一张粘纸，上头写着："你是最特别的！"多娜说，这个小动作让她心情大为好转。加里说，"这比说'我爱你'容易多了。"



Find other words. Try ones that don't imply an expected response: I love being with you. Having you in my life is fantastic. I really love (insert cherished characteristic here).


用其他的言辞来表达。试试那些不需要对方作答的表达方式，比如：我喜欢跟你在一起；生命因为有你而精彩纷呈；我真的很喜欢（此处填入你喜欢的对方的特性）。



Or steal a line people like to attribute to Cleopatra: 'Fool! Don't you see now that I could have poisoned you a hundred times had I been able to live without you?'


或者干脆就借用一句据说是出自埃及艳后克里奥帕特拉(Cleopatra)的名言吧：傻瓜！你难道看不出来，若非我不能没有你，我早就毒死你一百回了？



Elizabeth Bernstein


Copyright © 2023 Qeto All rights reserved.
商务合作 | 联系我们 | 关于我们 | 版权声明 | 隐私条款 | 如果智培

京ICP备05059198号-1 京公网安备 11011202003401号