酷兔英语
    当前位置:
  1. 首页
  2. 文章
  3. 英语新闻
  4. 双语新闻
  5. 正文

我们还能不能挑逗别人呢

0 收藏 0 分享 0 赞


Tamara Wilson considers herself an equal-opportunity flirt. She banters playfully and purposefully with her butcher (who sharpens her knives at no extra charge), with security officials at the airport (one let her onto a flight even though she'd left her ID at home) and her female UPS driver (who now leaves the packages on the porch).


威尔逊(Tamara Wilson)认为自己是一名奉行机会均等原则的调情者。她调情的对象范围广泛，她会半开玩笑、半有意识地与肉店屠夫（他会帮她磨刀，而不另收钱）、机场安检人员（尽管她把身份证件忘在家里了，安检员还是让她上了飞机）以及UPS的女司机（现在司机会把包裹放在她家走廊上）打趣。



'I've used my big, blue eyes and smile to get everything I ever wanted,' says Ms. Wilson, 52 and the owner of a Seattle marketing firm. 'Flirting opens doors.'


52岁的威尔逊在西雅图拥有一家市场营销公司，她说："我用我蓝色的大眼睛和微笑获得我想要的一切。调情会为你打开大门。"



Flirting can cause problems, too. Ms. Wilson was no longer invited to a colleague's exclusive Christmas party after she engaged in some racy repartee with a married male guest. And she says she may have lost clients because they misunderstood her 'verbal volleyball.'


不过，调情也会带来麻烦。有一位同事不再邀请威尔逊参加专属圣诞派对了，因为她与一位已婚男性客人交谈时说了些带有性暗示的话。她还说，她可能失去了一些客户，因为他们误会了她抛出的一些话。



Is it still OK to flirt? Many of us like to flirt on occasion with friends, co-workers or passing acquaintances. When you are in a committed relationship, though, flirting is more complicated. What constitutes acceptable flirting depends not only on your intentions, but also on how your significant other feels about it. (Hint: If you are keeping it secret, you are probably flirting with disaster.)


那么，我们还能不能挑逗别人呢？许多人喜欢时不时地挑逗朋友、同事或路上碰见的熟人。但如果你处于一段承诺性关系中，这个问题就比较复杂了。什么样的调情可以接受不仅仅取决于你的意图，也取决于伴侣对此的感受。（提示：如果你对伴侣保密的话，你很可能就是在引火烧身了。）



How can you tell if a person is flirting, or just being friendly? It isn't easy. The uncertainty is what makes it exciting.


如何辨别对方是在调情，还是仅仅表示友好呢？辨别起来并非易事。调情之所以精彩刺激，正是缘于这种不确定性。



Experts define flirting as ambiguous behavior with potentialsexual or romantic overtones that is goal-oriented. In other words, we flirt with a purpose. But because we're testing the waters, we don't let on what that purpose might be.


按照专家的定义，调情是一种带有性或情爱潜台词、带有目的性的暧昧行为。换句话说，我们是怀着目的去调情的。但由于我们在进行试探，我们不想透露自己的目的。



Most of us know flirting when we see it, though. It may be verbal, in the form of compliments, bantering and teasing, or it can be a smile, a steady gaze, a toss of the hair or a hand on the arm. And, of course, it can be an email or a text, with all those smiley, winky faces.


不过，调情行为大多数人都能看得出来。调情可能是以赞美、打趣和调侃等形式出现的言语，也可能是一个微笑和凝视，甩甩头发或者手抓对方的胳膊。当然，调情还可以是插了一堆笑脸和眨眼表情符的电子邮件或文本信息。



You can thank evolution for all of it, including the cheesy one-liners. ('Going my way?' a nice-looking man in a suit recently asked me in Miami, as I got into my convertible.) Scientists say flirting developed to further the human race, by helping males to find a mate and females to evaluate a potentialpartner and his commitment before moving forward.


这一切都可以归因于进化，包括可爱的俏皮话在内。（最近我在迈阿密上我的敞篷车时，一位穿西装的帅哥问道："跟我一道的吗？"）科学家称，调情的作用在于延续人种，它能够帮助男性寻找配偶，并帮助女性在采取进一步行动之前对潜在伴侣及其忠诚度进行评价。



Research shows people flirt with one of no fewer than six different reasons. Some people still are looking for a mate, of course. But we also like to flirt because we enjoy it. This kind of flirting 'is kind of like racquetball,' says Dave Henningsen, professor of communication at Northern Illinois University whose research and reading of the literature identified these six goals. 'It's fun, and we do it together so we build our relationship.'


研究显示，调情行为背后至少有六种不同的原因，人们之所以调情是出于其中某一个原因。当然，一些人挑逗他人还是为了寻找配偶。但我们之所以喜欢调情也是因为我们享受其中的乐趣。北伊利诺伊大学(Northern Illinois University)传播学教授亨宁森(Dave Henningsen)称，这种调情"有点像打壁球，很有意思，我们一起相互调情，以建立浪漫关系。"亨宁森通过研究和阅读文献指出了调情行为的六大目标。



Sometimes we want to explore what a romanticrelationship with the person might be like. Or we want to reinforce or increase intimacy in a relationship we are already in. We may want to boost self-esteem -- whether it's our own or the other person's. And some of us flirt to get what we want -- a dark art that Dr. Henningsen refers to as 'instrumental flirting.' (I 'admired' a pilot's watch at the gate before a flight once and found myself upgraded to a much better seat.)


调情行为分多种情况：有时我们是想看看与对方如果建立浪漫关系会是什么样。有时我们是想巩固或增进现有浪漫关系的亲密程度。有时我们或许想要增强自尊──可能是自己的自尊，也可能是他人的自尊。还有一些人进行调情是为了获得想要的东西──这样的黑色艺术被亨宁森博士称为"功利性调情。"（有一次，我在机舱门口对一名飞行员的手表"啧啧称赞"了一番，之后我发现自己被换到了一个好得多的位置上。）



Flirting with your spouse can keep a marriage healthy, says Brandi Frisby, professor of communication at the University of Kentucky. Her research found committed partners flirt with each other to minimizeconflict and communicate as if in a private world. She also found partners who flirted with each other were more satisfied and committed to each other.


肯塔基大学(University of Kentucky)传播学教授弗里斯比(Brandi Frisby)称，与配偶调情能够让婚姻保持健康。她的研究发现，有承诺关系的伴侣通过互相调情可使矛盾最小化，并能彷佛是在两人专属世界中那样地进行沟通。她还发现，相互调情的伴侣对彼此更满意、更忠诚。



Outside a relationship, though, it's easy to misread cues. In a 2009 meta-analysis of 15 studies, Dr. Henningsen, of Northern Illinois University, who co-wrote the study, found men often overestimate the female's interest and interpret flirtatious behavior as more sexual than intended.


但在伴侣关系之外，人们很容易误读暗示。亨宁森博士与合作者2009年在15项研究的基础上进行了一项综合分析，分析发现，男性常常高估女性的兴趣，他们会过度诠释调情行为中的性暗示。



Dr. Frisby, of the University of Kentucky, has looked at flirting differences between the sexes and found when women flirt in a sexually suggestive way, men find them more attractive. But men who flirt this way are seen as pushy and less attractive.


弗里斯比博士对两性调情行为之间的区别进行了观察，发现当女性在调情中包含性暗示时，男性会觉得她们更具吸引力。但如果男性也采取这种调情方式，女性会认为他们咄咄逼人，吸引力也会减弱几分。



Maybe this is what went wrong for David Bakke, who is 46, single and the editor of a personal finance website. He recently told an attractive pharmacist at his local drugstore in Atlanta that he noticed she wasn't wearing a wedding ring. 'She explained that one, it was none of my business, two, that she was only there to fill my prescription, and three, that my flirting efforts were highly unprofessional,' he says.


46岁的单身男士巴基(David Bakke)也许就是因为这个原因碰钉子的。巴基家住亚特兰大，是一家个人理财网站的编辑。最近，他在当地一家药店对一位迷人的药剂师说，他注意到她没有戴婚戒。巴基说："她是这样回应的，首先，这不关我的事；第二，她只负责帮我配处方药；第三，我的调情手段很不专业。"



And so Mr. Bakke learned a valuable lesson: 'As a male, you must be very careful of the extent to which you flirt with someone,' he says. 'If you overextend yourself, so to speak, you could ruin a golden opportunity.'


巴基从中吸取了宝贵的经验教训，他说："作为男性，你必须非常小心地把握调情的度，假如做过了头，你就会糟蹋宝贵的机会。"



Bonnie Russell, a publicist for attorneys from Del Mar, Calif., says attending high school in Waco, Texas, she learned to flirt from 'big-time, Texas-size flirts.' She banters playfully with everyone: men, women, children, couples in line at the movie theater, the policeman who wrote her a ticket (it didn't work).


来自加州德尔马(Del Mar)的律师公关顾问罗素(Bonnie Russell)说，她在得克萨斯州韦科(Waco)读高中时从"一流的得克萨斯大调情者"那儿学到了调情的方法。她会与所有人打趣：在电影院排队的男士、女士、孩子、夫妇，还有给她开罚单的警察（但是没用）。



Ms. Russell admits to a few mishaps. Once, she says, she was loudly upbraided by an Air Force Second Lieutenant for not 'respecting an officer' after she failed to realize that he wasn't flirting back. And at a party, the wife of a man with whom she was flirting suddenly appeared and icily informed her that she was flirting with her husband. Ms. Russell says her response was to laugh good-naturedly and reply: 'My, you have good taste.'


罗素承认自己弄砸过几次。她说，有一次，一名空军少尉大声斥责她，说她"不尊重军官"，因为之前她没有意识到这名少尉对她的调情无动于衷。还有一次，当罗素在派对上挑逗一位男士时，这位男士的妻子突然出现，冷冰冰地指出罗素在与她丈夫调情。罗素说，她的反应是和气地笑笑，并回答说："哇，你很有品位。"



But Ms. Russell has had her flirtation successes, too, such as the time she wrote a 'fan email' to a defense attorney who had been interviewed on TV repeatedly about a case that went on for months. Ms. Russell told him she admired his compassion, respect for the victims and directness with reporters -- and added that she thought he was handsome, too.


但罗素的调情也有成功的时候。比方说，她曾给一名几个月来因一起案件频频接受电视采访的辩护律师发过一封电子邮件，表达崇拜之情。罗素告诉他，他的同情心、对受害者的尊重以及对媒体的直率令她仰慕──她还说，她觉得他很帅。



Only after the man wrote back and asked who she was did she mention that she was a publicist for attorneys. 'But you certainly don't need me,' she added. He hired her.


在这位男士回信问她是谁的时候，她才提起自己是律师公关顾问。她补充道："但你肯定不需要我。"后来这位律师聘用了她。



'Sometimes you get your way, sometimes you don't,' says Ms. Russell. 'But flirting is a fast, inexpensive way to have a better day.'


罗素说："有时候你能得手，有时候不能。但调情是一种能让你过得更好的快捷实惠的方式。"



Elizabeth Bernstein


Copyright © 2023 Qeto All rights reserved.
商务合作 | 联系我们 | 关于我们 | 版权声明 | 隐私条款 | 如果智培

京ICP备05059198号-1 京公网安备 11011202003401号