Christine Tsien Silvers says perfectionism runs in her family. Her mother, a detail-oriented
computer scientist, emigrated from China to Minnesota and was 'always
taking classes to get a better job.'
里斯蒂娜•钱•西尔弗斯(Christine Tsien Silvers)说,她生活在一个崇尚完美主义的家庭里。西尔弗斯的妈妈来自中国,后移民到明尼苏达州,现在住在伊利诺伊州莱尔市(Lisle),是一位细节至上的计算机科学家,"为了寻求更好的工作她一直在不断地上课充电"。
She earned a Ph.D. from MIT and an M.D. from Harvard. 'But I also wanted to be the best mother possible,' says Dr. Silvers, so she worked part-time, not full-time, emergency-room shifts to maximize her time with her children, ages 3, 5 and 8.
西尔弗斯自己拥有麻省理工学院(MIT)的哲学博士学位和哈佛大学(Harvard)的医学博士学位。她说,"但我也想成为一个最称职的妈妈。"正因为如此,她原先没有做全职工作,而是选择了在急诊室倒班的兼职工作,希望尽可能多地花些时间陪在三个孩子(现在分别为三岁、五岁和八岁)身边。
Dr. Silvers, 42, now works from home in Marshfield, Mass., as the chief
medical officer of a start-up company using her MIT dissertation to create mobile health monitors. She often gets up in the middle of the night 'to do the work part of the work-life balance,' she says. Still, she frets about everything she hasn't done, including organizing her house. 'The list goes on and on, but I don't want to do a sloppy job on any of them.'
现在,42岁的西尔弗斯博士在马萨诸塞州马什菲尔德市(Marshfield)的家中办公,她如今是一家初创企业的首席医疗长,正以她在麻省理工学院完成的论文为蓝本研发移动健康监视器。她说,为了保持工作与生活的平衡,她经常在半夜起来工作。但她仍担心手头那些该做却没做的事,包括整理房间。"任务越积越多,但对于每一项我都不想敷衍了事。"
Meanwhile, she is already
seeing signs of perfectionism in her 5-year old son. 'He loves to draw but he'll cry and cry if he thinks he's put a line in the wrong place,' Dr. Silvers says.
与此同时,西尔弗斯博士也已察觉到年仅五岁的儿子表现出来的完美主义苗头。她说,"他喜爱画画。但如果他画错了一笔,就会不停地哭。"
Where does such perfectionism come from? Experts have long blamed parents who overemphasized
achievement or made their love
conditional on meeting certain goals. But recent
research suggests that the genes that parents pass along may play an ever bigger role.
这种完美主义从何而来?长期以来,专家都将责任归咎于那些过于注重子女成果的父母,还有那些只有在孩子达到某些目标后才回报以父爱母爱的家长。但最近的研究发现,父母遗传给孩子的基因可能影响更为深远。
Researchers at the Michigan State University Twin Registry have been examining aspects of perfectionism in
female twins, ages 12 to 22. Identical twins share 100% of their genetic makeup;
fraternal twins share 50%; all the twin-pairs in the registry shared the same upbringing. In one study of 292 twins, published in January in the
journal Depression and Anxiety, the
identical twins had much more similar scores on measures of perfectionism and
anxiety then the
fraternal twins did, suggesting that their genetics had a stronger influence than their environment.
密歇根州立大学双胞胎登记处(Michigan State University Twin Registry)的研究人员一直都在观察12岁至22岁的女性双胞胎的完美主义倾向。同卵双胞胎在基因构成上完全一样,异卵双胞胎的基因构成则只有50%的相似度,但所有在登记处注册的双胞胎都在同一环境下成长。一项针对292名双胞胎的研究表明,在完美主义行为与焦虑心理的测试中,同卵双胞胎的得分相似度比异卵双胞胎更高。这就说明,基因对人的影响比后天环境的影响更深远。该研究论文于1月份发表于《抑郁与忧虑》(Depression and Anxiety)期刊。
A second study of 340 twins published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders this month, found that the
identical twins were also more alike than the
fraternal twins in the degree to which they idolized the bodies of models and celebrities. Even when the researchers adjusted the findings for differences in body weight, the
identical twins were still more alike in body-image issues than twins who only shared the same upbringing.
另一项针对340名双胞胎的研究发现,在对于模特和名人的身体的崇拜程度上,同卵双胞胎比异卵双胞胎更为相近。在对外形特征进行评判方面,研究人员根据体重差异对结果进行了调整之后,仍然发现同卵双胞胎要比异卵双胎的看法更为接近。该研究论文上月发表于《饮食失调国际期刊》(International Journal of Eating Disorders)。
In both studies, the environmental influences the twins didn't share, such as having different activities and groups of friends, had a greater influence on their attitudes than the home
environment they did share. In short, perfectionism 'appears to be greatly due to genetic risk factors as well as the
unique experiences people have outside the home,' says Jason Moser, as
assistant professor of
psychology at Michigan State and lead
investigator of the
anxiety study.
在上述两项研究中,对于双胞胎而言并不一致的环境影响──比如参与不同的活动、拥有不同的朋友圈──在塑造双胞胎的个人态度方面比家庭环境(这一点对于双胞胎来说是一致的)更为明显。其中关于焦虑心理的那项研究的负责人、密歇根州立大学心理学助理教授杰森•莫瑟(Jason Moser)表示,简而言之,完美主义"似乎在很大程度上受限于遗传风险因子与家庭以外个人的独特经历"。
While scientists are still a long way from identifying which
specific genes are involved in perfectionism, 'This suggests that there is a
significantbiologicalcomponent that we need to understand more,' says Dr. Moser.
但要确认具体是哪些基因参与造就了完美主义,科学家们还有很长一段路要走。莫瑟博士称,"这表明,还有一个重要的生物组分需要我们对其进行更深入的了解。"
Perfectionism isn't a
psychological condition-there isn't even an official definition. Some people see it as a point of pride to push themselves to
achieve and pay close attention to detail. But experts say that perfectionism can become toxic when people set standards that are impossibly high and believe they are
worthless if they can't meet them.
完美主义不是一种心理状态──它甚至都没有一个官方定义。有些人认为,完美主义是一种值得骄傲的特质,让他们功成名就、注重细节。但专家称,当人们为追求完美而制定出一些高得离谱的标准、并认为如若不能达标便是自己无能时,这种情境下的完美主义就变得有害了。
That type of dysfunctional perfectionism often leads to discouragement, self-doubt and exhaustion, and it is at the core of many
mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, marital problems, workaholism, procrastination, insomnia and suicide.
这种功能失调型的完美主义常常带给人们挫败感,使他们变得自我怀疑、心力交瘁。而且它还是诸多精神健康问题的核心症结所在,包括抑郁症、焦虑症、强迫性精神障碍、饮食失调、婚姻问题、工作狂、拖延症、失眠症与自杀。
'Our
research shows that successful perfectionists are successful in spite of it, not because of it,' says Tom Greenspon, a
psychologist in Minneapolis and author of 'Moving Past Perfect' and other books. 'If you worrying more about how you are doing than what you are doing, you'll stumble.'
明尼阿波利斯市(Minneapolis)心理学家、《走过完美》(Moving Past Perfect)等书的作者汤姆•格林斯庞(Tom Greenspon)说,"我们的研究表明,那些成功的完美主义者之所以获得成功,并非因为他们是追求完美的人,而是因为他们克服了完美主义者自身的缺陷。如果你一直担心的是你做得怎么样了而非你做了什么,你前行的脚步将会变得跌跌撞撞。"
Dr. Greenspon and other psychologists still believe that perfectionism is instilled in upbringing. 'Somewhere along the line, you got the message that you are not good enough-which doesn't
necessarily mean what your parents intended,' he says. (Example: a kid who got 780 on his SATs and having his mother say, 'What happened to the other 20 points?' ')
格林斯庞博士和其他一些心理学家依然认为,完美主义是孩子在成长过程中受父母熏陶灌输而形成的一种观念。他说,"在某些时候,你接收到这样一种信息:你不够优秀。而这种信息的传递不一定是父母的本意。"(举个例子:一个在美国高中毕业生的学术能力评估测试中(SAT)考了780分的孩子被他妈妈这样追问,"你丢的那20分是怎么回事?")
Other experts think that genetics may set a range or a predisposition for perfectionism, but that
environment and experiences can
affect it greatly. Amy Przeworski, a
psychologist at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, says she sees children as young as three who are distraught when their shoe laces are different length. She says parents can help
diffuse such early tendencies-'but sometimes parents have to deal with their own anxieties first.'
另一些专家则认为,遗传学可能先已设定了一个完美主义的倾向或范围,但环境和经历却会在很大程度上影响这种行为倾向。克利夫兰(Cleveland)凯斯西储大学(Case Western Reserve University)的心理学家艾米•普沃斯基(Amy Przeworski)称,她察觉到年仅三岁的幼儿在发现自己的鞋带长短不一时也会心烦意乱。普沃斯基说,父母是能够帮助孩子驱散这种早期的完美主义倾向的,但有时候父母得先处理好自身的焦虑。
One method she uses for adults and children alike is called
exposure therapy: 'Make small mistakes and do not fix them,' she says. Tie your shoes unevenly. Leave a comma or a period out of a paper. 'People are not big fans of this at first,' she concedes. 'But they do learn that a small mistake doesn't make a whole
project worthless.' A recovering perfectionist herself, Dr. Przeworski says she is crocheting a blanket that is full of dropped stitches.
普沃斯基将一种名为"暴露疗法"的方法使用于成年人和未成年人身上:她说,"犯些小错儿,但别纠正它。"比如,在系鞋带的时候,让两根鞋带长短不一、系法不同。将一个逗号或句号写出纸格。普沃斯基承认道,"一开始,人们对此并不太感兴趣。但这让他们确实认识到,一个小错儿不会让整件事变得一无是处。"普沃斯基自己就是一位正在恢复中的完美主义者,她说她正在钩编一条毛毯,上面就遍布着漏针。
Other techniques from cognitive behavioral therapy include
learning to recognize when they are being overly conscientious, weighing the pros and cons and
learning to prioritize. 'Cultivate
curiosity instead of negativism when things go wrong. Ask, 'What can I learn from this?' ' advises
psychologist Melissa McCreery, who coaches
professional women and business owners at TooMuchonHerPlate.com
除此之外,认知行为疗法中还有一些其他的技巧,包括在自己变得过于认真的时候意识到这一点并权衡利弊,学会做出取舍。心理学家梅丽莎•迈克科瑞里(Melissa McCreery)还建议,"在事情朝坏的方向发展时,不要产生抗拒情绪,而要培养好奇心。问一问自己,'我能从中学到什么?'"迈克科瑞里现在一家名为TooMuchonHerPlate.com的网站为职业女性和企业主教授相关课程。
Some 'recovering perfectionists'
devise their own strategies. Elizabeth Raub, a
technicalwriter and editor in Charleston, S.C., uses timers for projects. 'I decide on a
reasonable time and when the timer is up, I move on. As a result, she says, 'I get more done and the quality is
actually far better than when I uses was going cross-eyed picking every word apart.'
一些"正在恢复中的完美主义者"也针对自己的情况制定了相应的治疗方法。南卡罗来纳州查尔斯顿市(Charleston)的技术文档撰稿及编辑伊丽莎白•儒伯(Elizabeth Raub)在项目实施过程中使用了计时器。"我制定了一个合理的时间表,等规定的时间一到,我就去做下个项目。"这样一来,她说,"我完成的量更多了,而且质量也远远超过了我之前斗鸡眼式地逐个挑单个词时所做的一切。"
Dr. Greenspon says he doesn't give assignments ('people get too wrapped up in
trying to do them perfectly'). But he does
encourage patients to
explore where their perfectionism came from, and he finds that when parents and offspring discuss it together, they often clarify years of misheard messages.
格林斯庞博士称他不会布置任务("人们会过于注重怎样将任务完成得完美无缺")。但是他鼓励患者去追根溯源,去探寻到底是什么将他们变成了完美主义者。他发现,当父母和子女一起讨论这个话题的时候,多年来被误读的信息常常就得到澄清了。
Last week, Dr. Silvers asked her mother, Bernarda Tsien, Lisle, Ill., if she considered herself a perfectionist. 'She immediately laughed and said she used to be, but stopped because it was too much work!'
上周,西尔弗斯博士问她的妈妈伯纳达•钱(Bernarda Tsien),她是否认为自己是位完美主义者。"她一下就笑了,她承认自己过去一直都在追求完美。但现在,她停下来了,因为作为一个完美主义者需要做的事实在太多了。"
Melinda Beck
Melinda Beck