Iwaited a day before calling Dr. Sam to inform him of my decision. I had to be sure! Miriam, I think I know why you want to go through with this pregnancy, but are you aware of the risks? I know my baby will be different. I know she may be mentally and physically retarded. She may have developmental difficulties and problems with social acceptance. I do recognize that I am going to have to amend almost every facet of my life. I am prepared to do that. This is my final gift from Paul and I am determined to go through with this! I thought you would feel that way. You have my utmost admiration and support. I will follow your pregnancy carefully but I want you to see a specialist in birth defects. I will refer you to Dr. Brown and would like you to make an appointment with her as soon as possible, he said. I knew then that I had made the right choice. My pregnancy was not without its hardships, from morning sickness to swollen ankles, but I had no doubts about the decision I had made. My parents, when I told them what was going on with me, expressed their concerns but also their confidence in my decision and assured me they would be there when I delivered my baby. Paula was born on a bright, cloudless, warm Tuesday morning in May. I was prepared to see a red, wrinkled, squalling infant. Instead, I saw very little. Because of the risks involved, Paula was delivered by Caesarian section. The doctors and nurses rushed her into an incubatorto assess her before I caught a glimpse of her. I could see my parents on the other side of the operating room window, questions in their eyes. What was going on? The nurses kept me comfortable and tried to alleviate my fears but half an hour passed before our questions were answered. My daughter had a severe heart defect. It could be corrected through surgery but not until she gained a little weight and strength. I understood in that moment that my life had changed forever. I demanded to see her immediately, and as soon as I did, I fell in love. This most precious of all gifts was going to survive the obstacles ahead of her with my help. I knew in an instant that all my strength,love, and monetary resources were at her command. Nothing she wanted, needed, or even dreamed of, would ever be denied. The heart surgery to correct a flawed valve was a resounding success. Fortunately, the common defects occurring in a majority of Down's syndrome children were absent in Paula. She has no intestinal malformations, hearing impairment, or severe visual problems. We are truly blessed. My parents adore this exceptional grandchild. Their expertise in teaching, nurturing, and parenting has been so welcome. I always knew they were there for me; now they are there for us. I am aware of the sympathetic looks from strangers who don't know or understand the disorder afflicting my child. Their pity, for what they ascertain as my plight, is misplaced but understandable. I am sure that I, too, felt sorry for parents of what I thought of as imperfect children. Paula is a delightful child. Her physical defects are apparent; there is no doubt she is different from other children. However, she goes to school with other children of her age; she takes longer to learn things and has to work harder, but she is achieving all the milestones of growing children. Raising her is a challenge, as is the raising of any child. It isn't easy and it won't get easier. As she grows and develops, there will be questions to answer, hurdles to cross, and goals to reach. Paula is different. She is aware that she is. It doesn't dismay her. She greets each day with a smile on her lips and a sparkle in her eye. Do I ever have doubts about my decision? No! My only regret is that Paul isn't here to share my joy in our wonderful daughter. |