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stopping a bunghole?

Hor. 'Twere to consider too curiously, to consider so.
Ham. No, faith, not a jot; but to follow him thither with modesty

enough, and likelihood to lead it; as thus: Alexander died,
Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth into dust; the dust is

earth; of earth we make loam; and why of that loam (whereto he
was converted) might they not stop a beer barrel?

Imperious Caesar, dead and turn'd to clay,
Might stop a hole to keep the wind away.

O, that that earth which kept the world in awe
Should patch a wall t' expel the winter's flaw!

But soft! but soft! aside! Here comes the King-
Enter [priests with] a coffin [in funeral procession], King,

Queen, Laertes, with Lords attendant.]
The Queen, the courtiers. Who is this they follow?

And with such maimed rites? This doth betoken
The corse they follow did with desp'rate hand

Fordo it own life. 'Twas of some estate.
Couch we awhile, and mark.

[Retires with Horatio.]
Laer. What ceremony else?

Ham. That is Laertes,
A very noble youth. Mark.

Laer. What ceremony else?
Priest. Her obsequies have been as far enlarg'd

As we have warranty. Her death was doubtful;
And, but that great command o'ersways the order,

She should in ground unsanctified have lodg'd
Till the last trumpet. For charitable prayers,

Shards, flints, and pebbles should be thrown on her.
Yet here she is allow'd her virgin crants,

Her maiden strewments, and the bringing home
Of bell and burial.

Laer. Must there no more be done?
Priest. No more be done.

We should profane the service of the dead
To sing a requiem and such rest to her

As to peace-parted souls.
Laer. Lay her i' th' earth;

And from her fair and unpolluted flesh
May violets spring! I tell thee, churlish priest,

A minist'ring angel shall my sister be
When thou liest howling.

Ham. What, the fair Ophelia?
Queen. Sweets to the sweet! Farewell.

[Scatters flowers.]
I hop'd thou shouldst have been my Hamlet's wife;

I thought thy bride-bed to have deck'd, sweet maid,
And not have strew'd thy grave.

Laer. O, treble woe
Fall ten times treble on that cursed head

Whose wicked deed thy most ingenious sense
Depriv'd thee of! Hold off the earth awhile,

Till I have caught her once more in mine arms.
Leaps in the grave.

Now pile your dust upon the quick and dead
Till of this flat a mountain you have made

T' o'ertop old Pelion or the skyish head
Of blue Olympus.

Ham. [comes forward] What is he whose grief
Bears such an emphasis? whose phrase of sorrow

Conjures the wand'ring stars, and makes them stand
Like wonder-wounded hearers? This is I,

Hamlet the Dane. [Leaps in after Laertes.
Laer. The devil take thy soul!

[Grapples with him].
Ham. Thou pray'st not well.

I prithee take thy fingers from my throat;
For, though I am not splenitive and rash,

Yet have I in me something dangerous,
Which let thy wisdom fear. Hold off thy hand!

King. Pluck thein asunder.
Queen. Hamlet, Hamlet!

All. Gentlemen!
Hor. Good my lord, be quiet.

[The Attendants part them, and they come out of the
grave.]

Ham. Why, I will fight with him upon this theme
Until my eyelids will no longer wag.

Queen. O my son, what theme?
Ham. I lov'd Ophelia. Forty thousand brothers

Could not (with all their quantity of love)
Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her?

King. O, he is mad, Laertes.
Queen. For love of God, forbear him!

Ham. 'Swounds, show me what thou't do.
Woo't weep? woo't fight? woo't fast? woo't tear thyself?

Woo't drink up esill? eat a crocodile?
I'll do't. Dost thou come here to whine?

To outface me with leaping in her grave?
Be buried quick with her, and so will I.

And if thou prate of mountains, let them throw
Millions of acres on us, till our ground,

Singeing his pate against the burning zone,
Make Ossa like a wart! Nay, an thou'lt mouth,

I'll rant as well as thou.
Queen. This is mere madness;

And thus a while the fit will work on him.
Anon, as patient as the female dove

When that her golden couplets are disclos'd,
His silence will sit drooping.

Ham. Hear you, sir!
What is the reason that you use me thus?

I lov'd you ever. But it is no matter.
Let Hercules himself do what he may,

The cat will mew, and dog will have his day.
Exit.

King. I pray thee, good Horatio, wait upon him.
Exit Horatio.

[To Laertes] Strengthen your patience in our last night's speech.
We'll put the matter to the present push.-

Good Gertrude, set some watch over your son.-
This grave shall have a living monument.

An hour of quiet shortly shall we see;
Till then in patience our proceeding be.

Exeunt.
Scene II.

Elsinore. A hall in the Castle.
Enter Hamlet and Horatio.

Ham. So much for this, sir; now shall you see the other.
You do remember all the circumstance?

Hor. Remember it, my lord!
Ham. Sir, in my heart there was a kind of fighting

That would not let me sleep. Methought I lay
Worse than the mutinies in the bilboes. Rashly-

And prais'd be rashness for it; let us know,
Our indiscretion sometime serves us well

When our deep plots do pall; and that should learn us
There's a divinity that shapes our ends,

Rough-hew them how we will-
Hor. That is most certain.

Ham. Up from my cabin,
My sea-gown scarf'd about me, in the dark

Grop'd I to find out them; had my desire,
Finger'd their packet, and in fine withdrew

To mine own room again; making so bold
(My fears forgetting manners) to unseal

Their grand commission; where I found, Horatio
(O royal knavery!), an exact command,

Larded with many several sorts of reasons,
Importing Denmark's health, and England's too,

With, hoo! such bugs and goblins in my life-
That, on the supervise, no leisure bated,

No, not to stay the finding of the axe,
My head should be struck off.

Hor. Is't possible?
Ham. Here's the commission; read it at more leisure.

But wilt thou bear me how I did proceed?
Hor. I beseech you.

Ham. Being thus benetted round with villanies,
Or I could make a prologue to my brains,

They had begun the play. I sat me down;
Devis'd a new commission; wrote it fair.

I once did hold it, as our statists do,
A baseness to write fair, and labour'd much

How to forget that learning; but, sir, now
It did me yeoman's service. Wilt thou know

Th' effect of what I wrote?
Hor. Ay, good my lord.

Ham. An earnest conjuration from the King,
As England was his faithful tributary,

As love between them like the palm might flourish,
As peace should still her wheaten garland wear

And stand a comma 'tween their amities,
And many such-like as's of great charge,

That, on the view and knowing of these contents,
Without debatement further, more or less,

He should the bearers put to sudden death,
Not shriving time allow'd.

Hor. How was this seal'd?
Ham. Why, even in that was heaven ordinant.

I had my father's signet in my purse,
which was the model of that Danish seal;

Folded the writ up in the form of th' other,
Subscrib'd it, gave't th' impression, plac'd it safely,

The changeling never known. Now, the next day
Was our sea-fight; and what to this was sequent

Thou know'st already.
Hor. So Guildenstern and Rosencrantz go to't.

Ham. Why, man, they did make love to this employment!
They are not near my conscience; their defeat

Does by their own insinuation grow.
'Tis dangerous when the baser nature comes

Between the pass and fell incensed points
Of mighty opposites.

Hor. Why, what a king is this!
Ham. Does it not, thinks't thee, stand me now upon-

He that hath kill'd my king, and whor'd my mother;
Popp'd in between th' election and my hopes;

Thrown out his angle for my Proper life,
And with such coz'nage- is't not perfect conscience

To quit him with this arm? And is't not to be damn'd
To let this canker of our nature come

In further evil?
Hor. It must be shortly known to him from England

What is the issue of the business there.
Ham. It will be short; the interim is mine,

And a man's life is no more than to say 'one.'
But I am very sorry, good Horatio,

That to Laertes I forgot myself,
For by the image of my cause I see



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