From Deal to Ramsgate span,

That I found alone on a piece of stone
An elderly naval man.

His hair was weedy, his beard was long,
And weedy and long was he,

And I heard this wight on the shore recite,
In a singular minor key:

"Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold,
And the mate of the NANCY brig,

And a bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,
And the crew of the captain's gig."

And he shook his fists and he tore his hair,
Till I really felt afraid,

For I couldn't help thinking the man had been drinking,
And so I simply said:

"Oh, elderly man, it's little I know
Of the duties of men of the sea,

And I'll eat my hand if I understand
However you can be

"At once a cook, and a captain bold,
And the mate of the NANCY brig,

And a bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,
And the crew of the captain's gig."

Then he gave a hitch to his trousers, which
Is a trick all seamen larn,

And having got rid of a thumping quid,
He spun this painful yarn:

"'Twas in the good ship NANCY BELL
That we sailed to the Indian Sea,

And there on a reef we come to grief,
Which has often occurred to me.

"And pretty nigh all the crew was drowned
(There was seventy-seven o' soul),

And only ten of the NANCY'S men
Said 'Here!' to the muster-roll.

"There was me and the cook and the captain bold,
And the mate of the NANCY brig,

And the bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,
And the crew of the captain's gig.

"For a month we'd neither wittles nor drink,
Till a-hungry we did feel,

So we drawed a lot, and, accordin' shot
The captain for our meal.

"The next lot fell to the NANCY'S mate,
And a delicate dish he made;

Then our appetite with the midshipmite
We seven survivors stayed.

"And then we murdered the bo'sun tight,
And he much resembled pig;

Then we wittled free, did the cook and me,
On the crew of the captain's gig.

"Then only the cook and me was left,
And the delicate question, 'Which

Of us two goes to the kettle?' arose,
And we argued it out as sich.

"For I loved that cook as a brother, I did,
And the cook he worshipped me;

But we'd both be blowed if we'd either be stowed
In the other chap's hold, you see.

"'I'll be eat if you dines off me,' says TOM;
'Yes, that,' says I, 'you'll be, -

'I'm boiled if I die, my friend,' quoth I;
And 'Exactly so,' quoth he.

"Says he, 'Dear JAMES, to murder me
Were a foolish thing to do,

For don't you see that you can't cook ME,
While I can - and will - cook YOU!'

"So he boils the water, and takes the salt
And the pepper in portions true

(Which he never forgot), and some chopped shalot.
And some sage and parsley too.

"'Come here,' says he, with a proper pride,
Which his smiling features tell,

''T will soothing be if I let you see
How extremely nice you'll smell.'

"And he stirred it round and round and round,
And he sniffed at the foaming froth;

When I ups with his heels, and smothers his squeals
In the scum of the boiling broth.

"And I eat that cook in a week or less,
And - as I eating be

The last of his chops, why, I almost drops,
For a wessel in sight I see!

* * * *
"And I never larf, and I never smile,

And I never lark nor play,
But sit and croak, and a single joke

I have - which is to say:
"Oh, I am a cook and a captain bold,

And the mate of the NANCY brig,
And a bo'sun tight, and a midshipmite,

And the crew of the captain's gig!'"
Ballad: The Bishop Of Rum-Ti-Foo

From east and south the holy clan
Of Bishops gathered to a man;

To Synod, called Pan-Anglican,
In flocking crowds they came.

Among them was a Bishop, who
Had lately been appointed to

The balmy isle of Rum-ti-Foo,
And PETER was his name.

His people - twenty-three in sum -
They played the eloquent tum-tum,

And lived on scalps served up, in rum -
The only sauce they knew.

When first good BISHOP PETER came
(For PETER was that Bishop's name),

To humour them, he did the same
As they of Rum-ti-Foo.

His flock, I've often heard him tell,
(His name was PETER) loved him well,

And, summoned by the sound of bell,
In crowds together came.

"Oh, massa, why you go away?
Oh, MASSA PETER, please to stay."

(They called him PETER, people say,
Because it was his name.)

He told them all good boys to be,
And sailed away across the sea,

At London Bridge that Bishop he
Arrived one Tuesday night;

And as that night he homeward strode
To his Pan-Anglican abode,

He passed along the Borough Road,
And saw a gruesome sight.

He saw a crowd assembled round
A person dancing on the ground,

Who straight began to leap and bound
With all his might and main.

To see that dancing man he stopped,
Who twirled and wriggled, skipped and hopped,

Then down incontinently dropped,
And then sprang up again.

The Bishop chuckled at the sight.
"This style of dancing would delight

A simple Rum-ti-Foozleite.
I'll learn it if I can,

To please the tribe when I get back."
He begged the man to teach his knack.

"Right Reverend Sir, in half a crack!
Replied that dancing man.

The dancing man he worked away,
And taught the Bishop every day -

The dancer skipped like any fay -
Good PETER did the same.

The Bishop buckled to his task,
With BATTEMENTS, and PAS DE BASQUE.

(I'll tell you, if you care to ask,
That PETER was his name.)

"Come, walk like this," the dancer said,
"Stick out your toes - stick in your head,

Stalk on with quick, galvanic tread -
Your fingers thus extend;

The attitude's considered quaint."
The weary Bishop, feeling faint,

Replied, "I do not say it ain't,
But 'Time!' my Christian friend!"

"We now proceed to something new -
Dance as the PAYNES and LAURIS do,

Like this - one, two - one, two - one, two."
The Bishop, never proud,

But in an overwhelming heat
(His name was PETER, I repeat)

Performed the PAYNE and LAURI feat,
And puffed his thanks aloud.

Another game the dancer planned -
"Just take your ankle in your hand,

And try, my lord, if you can stand -
Your body stiff and stark.

If, when revisiting your see,
You learnt to hop on shore - like me -

The novelty would striking be,
And must attract remark."

"No," said the worthy Bishop, "no;
That is a length to which, I trow,

Colonial Bishops cannot go.
You may express surprise

At finding Bishops deal in pride -
But if that trick I ever tried,

I should appear undignified
In Rum-ti-Foozle's eyes.

"The islanders of Rum-ti-Foo
Are well-conducted persons, who

Approve a joke as much as you,
And laugh at it as such;

But if they saw their Bishop land,
His leg supported in his hand,

The joke they wouldn't understand -
'T would pain them very much!"

Ballad: The Precocious Baby. A Very True Tale
(TO BE SUNG TO THE AIR OF THE "WHISTLING OYSTER.")

An elderly person - a prophet by trade -
With his quips and tips

On withered old lips,
He married a young and a beautiful maid;

The cunning old blade!
Though rather decayed,

He married a beautiful, beautiful maid.
She was only eighteen, and as fair as could be,

With her tempting smiles
And maidenly wiles,

• trousers [´trauzəz] n.裤子，长裤 (初中英语单词)
• indian [´indiən] a.印度的 n.印度人 (初中英语单词)
• delicate [´delikət] a.精美的；微妙的 (初中英语单词)
• appetite [´æpitait] n.欲望；食欲 (初中英语单词)
• pepper [´pepə] n.胡椒 vt.加胡椒 (初中英语单词)
• extremely [ik´stri:mli] ad.极端地；非常地 (初中英语单词)
• bishop [´biʃəp] n.主教 (初中英语单词)
• lately [´leitli] ad.近来，不久前 (初中英语单词)
• humour [´hju:mə] n.幽默，诙谐 (初中英语单词)
• sprang [spræŋ] spring 的过去式 (初中英语单词)
• learnt [lə:nt] learn 的过去式(分词) (初中英语单词)
• striking [´straikiŋ] a.显著的，明显的 (初中英语单词)
• worthy [´wə:ði] a.有价值的；值得的 (初中英语单词)
• prophet [´prɔfit] n.预言家；先知；提倡者 (初中英语单词)
• cunning [´kʌniŋ] a.&n.狡猾(诡诈)的 (初中英语单词)
• singular [´siŋgjulə] a.单一的；非凡的 (高中英语单词)
• painful [´peinfəl] a.痛(苦)的；费力的 (高中英语单词)
• homeward [´həumwəd] ad.&a.回家(的) (高中英语单词)
• reverend [´revərənd] a.可尊敬的 (高中英语单词)
• dancer [´dɑ:nsə] n.舞蹈者，舞蹈演员 (高中英语单词)
• novelty [´nɔvəlti] n.新奇(的事物) (高中英语单词)
• finding [´faindiŋ] n.发现物；判断；结果 (高中英语单词)
• elderly [´eldəli] a. 较老的，年长的 (英语四级单词)
• parsley [´pɑ:sli] n.欧芹 (英语四级单词)
• eloquent [´eləkwənt] a.流利的；雄辩的 (英语四级单词)
• bridge [bridʒ] n.桥(梁)；鼻梁；桥牌 (英语四级单词)
• borough [´bʌrə] n.自治市 (英语四级单词)
• overwhelming [,əuvə´welmiŋ] a.压倒的；势不可挡的 (英语四级单词)
• tempting [´temptiŋ] a.引诱人的，吸引人的 (英语四级单词)