A soldier (save by rarest luck)
Is always shot for showing pluck

(That is, if others can be found
With pluck enough to fire a round).

"How strange!" I said to one I saw;
"You quite upset our every law.

However can you get along
So systematically wrong?"

"Dear me!" my mad informant said,
"Have you no eyes within your head?

You sneer when you your hat should doff:
Why, we begin where you leave off!

"Your wisest men are very far
Less learned than our babies are!"

I mused awhile - and then, oh me!
I framed this brilliant repartee:

"Although your babes are wiser far
Than our most valued sages are,

Your sages, with their toys and cots,
Are duller than our idiots!"

But this remark, I grieve to state,
Came just a little bit too late

For as I framed it in my head,
I woke and found myself in bed.

Still I could wish that, 'stead of here,
My lot were in that favoured sphere! -

Where greatest fools bear off the bell
I ought to do extremely well.

Ballad: The Bishop Of Rum-Ti-Foo Again
I often wonder whether you

Think sometimes of that Bishop, who
From black but balmy Rum-ti-Foo

Last summer twelvemonth came.
Unto your mind I p'r'aps may bring

Remembrance of the man I sing
To-day, by simply mentioning

That PETER was his name.
Remember how that holy man

Came with the great Colonial clan
To Synod, called Pan-Anglican;

And kindly recollect
How, having crossed the ocean wide,

To please his flock all means he tried
Consistent with a proper pride

And manly self-respect.
He only, of the reverend pack

Who minister to Christians black,
Brought any useful knowledge back

To his Colonial fold.
In consequence a place I claim

For "PETER" on the scroll of Fame
(For PETER was that Bishop's name,

As I've already told).
He carried Art, he often said,

To places where that timid maid
(Save by Colonial Bishops' aid)

Could never hope to roam.
The Payne-cum-Lauri feat he taught

As he had learnt it; for he thought
The choicest fruits of Progress ought

To bless the Negro's home.
And he had other work to do,

For, while he tossed upon the Blue,
The islanders of Rum-ti-Foo

Forgot their kindly friend.
Their decent clothes they learnt to tear -

They learnt to say, "I do not care,"
Though they, of course, were well aware

How folks, who say so, end.
Some sailors, whom he did not know,

Had landed there not long ago,
And taught them "Bother!" also, "Blow!"

(Of wickedness the germs).
No need to use a casuist's pen

To prove that they were merchantmen;
No sailor of the Royal N.

Would use such awful terms.
And so, when BISHOP PETER came

(That was the kindly Bishop's name),
He heard these dreadful oaths with shame,

And chid their want of dress.
(Except a shell - a bangle rare -

A feather here - a feather there
The South Pacific Negroes wear

Their native nothingness.)
He taught them that a Bishop loathes

To listen to disgraceful oaths,
He gave them all his left-off clothes -

They bent them to his will.
The Bishop's gift spreads quickly round;

In PETER'S left-off clothes they bound
(His three-and-twenty suits they found

In fair condition still).
The Bishop's eyes with water fill,

Quite overjoyed to find them still
Obedient to his sovereign will,

And said, "Good Rum-ti-Foo!
Half-way I'll meet you, I declare:

I'll dress myself in cowries rare,
And fastenfeathers in my hair,

And dance the 'Cutch-chi-boo!'" (11)
And to conciliate his See

He married PICCADILLILLEE,
The youngest of his twenty-three,

Tall - neither fat nor thin.
(And though the dress he made her don

Looks awkwardly a girl upon,
It was a great improvement on

The one he found her in.)
The Bishop in his gay canoe

(His wife, of course, went with him too)
To some adjacent island flew,

To spend his honeymoon.
Some day in sunny Rum-ti-Foo

A little PETER'll be on view;
And that (if people tell me true)

Is like to happen soon.
Ballad: A Worm Will Turn

I love a man who'll smile and joke
When with misfortune crowned;

Who'll pun beneath a pauper's yoke,
And as he breaks his daily toke,

Conundrums gay propound.
Just such a man was BERNARD JUPP,

He scoffed at Fortune's frown;
He gaily drained his bitter cup -

Though Fortune often threw him up,
It never cast him down.

Though years their share of sorrow bring,
We know that far above

All other griefs, are griefs that spring
From some misfortune happening

To those we really love.
E'en sorrow for another's woe

Our BERNARD failed to quell;
Though by this special form of blow

No person ever suffered so,
Or bore his grief so well.

His father, wealthy" target="_blank" title="a.富有的；丰富的">wealthy and well clad,
And owning house and park,

Lost every halfpenny he had,
And then became (extremely sad!)

A poor attorney's clerk.
All sons it surely would appal,

Except the passing meek,
To see a father lose his all,

And from an independence fall
To one pound ten a week!

But JUPP shook off this sorrow's weight,
And, like a Christian son,

Proved Poverty a happy fate -
Proved Wealth to be a devil's bait,

To lure poor sinners on.
With other sorrows BERNARD coped,

For sorrows came in packs;
His cousins with their housemaids sloped -

His uncles forged - his aunts eloped -
His sisters married blacks.

But BERNARD, far from murmuring
(Exemplar, friends, to us),

Determined to his faith to cling, -
He made the best of everything,

And argued softly thus:
"'Twere harsh my uncles' forging knack

Too rudely to condemn -
My aunts, repentant, may come back,

And blacks are nothing like as black
As people colour them!"

Still Fate, with many a sorrow rife,
Maintained relentless fight:

His grandmamma next lost her life,
Then died the mother of his wife,

But still he seemed all right.
His brother fond (the only link

To life that bound him now)
One morning, overcome by drink,

He broke his leg (the right, I think)
In some disgraceful row.

But did my BERNARD swear and curse?
Oh no - to murmur loth,

He only said, "Go, get a nurse:
Be thankful that it isn't worse;

You might have broken both!"
But worms who watch without concern

The cockchafer on thorns,
Or beetles smashed, themselves will turn

If, walking through the slippery fern,
You tread upon their corns.

One night as BERNARD made his track
Through Brompton home to bed,

A footpad, with a vizor black,
Took watch and purse, and dealt a crack

On BERNARD'S saint-like head.
It was too much - his spirit rose,

He looked extremely cross.
Men thought him steeled to mortal foes,

But no - he bowed to countless blows,
But kicked against this loss.

He finally made up his mind
Upon his friends to call;

Subscription lists were largely signed,

• awhile [ə´wail] ad.少顷；片刻 (初中英语单词)
• brilliant [´briliənt] a.灿烂的；杰出的 (初中英语单词)
• grieve [gri:v] v.&n.(使)悲痛；哀悼 (初中英语单词)
• extremely [ik´stri:mli] ad.极端地；非常地 (初中英语单词)
• bishop [´biʃəp] n.主教 (初中英语单词)
• colonial [kə´ləuniəl] a.(关于)殖民地的 (初中英语单词)
• minister [´ministə] n.部长；大臣 v.伺候 (初中英语单词)
• consequence [´kɔnsikwəns] n.结果；后果；推断 (初中英语单词)
• learnt [lə:nt] learn 的过去式(分词) (初中英语单词)
• dreadful [´dredful] a.可怕的；讨厌的 (初中英语单词)
• feather [´feðə] n.羽毛 (初中英语单词)
• sovereign [´sɔvrin] a.至高无上的 n.君主 (初中英语单词)
• fasten [´fɑ:sən] v.扎牢；闩住；钉牢 (初中英语单词)
• improvement [im´pru:vmənt] n.改进，改善，进步 (初中英语单词)
• wealthy [´welθi] a.富有的；丰富的 (初中英语单词)
• independence [,indi´pendəns] n.独立，自主，自立 (初中英语单词)
• poverty [´pɔvəti] n.贫穷(乏，瘠)；不足 (初中英语单词)
• wealth [welθ] n.财富，财产 (初中英语单词)
• softly [´sɔftli] ad.软化地；柔和地 (初中英语单词)
• condemn [kən´dem] vt.谴责；定罪，判处 (初中英语单词)
• overcome [,əuvə´kʌm] vt.战胜，克服 (初中英语单词)
• learned [´lə:nid] a.有学问的，博学的 (高中英语单词)
• reverend [´revərənd] a.可尊敬的 (高中英语单词)
• decent [´di:sənt] a.体面的，正派的 (高中英语单词)
• pacific [pə´sifik] a.和平的；温和的 (高中英语单词)
• misfortune [mis´fɔ:tʃən] n.不幸；灾祸 (高中英语单词)
• forging [´fɔ:dʒiŋ] n.锻件；锻造(法) (高中英语单词)
• thankful [´θæŋkfəl] a.感激的；欣慰的 (高中英语单词)
• slippery [´slipəri] a.滑的；不稳固的 (高中英语单词)
• mortal [´mɔ:tl] a.致命的 n.凡人 (高中英语单词)
• countless [´kauntlis] a.无数的 (高中英语单词)
• favoured [´feivəd] a.有利的，喜爱的 (英语四级单词)
• awkwardly [´ɔ:kwədli] a.笨拙地；棘手地 (英语四级单词)
• adjacent [ə´dʒeisənt] a.接近的；紧接着的 (英语四级单词)
• scroll [skrəul] n.卷轴；纸卷 (英语六级单词)
• disgraceful [dis´greisful] a.可耻的；不光彩的 (英语六级单词)
• rudely [´ru:dli] ad.粗鲁地；粗略地 (英语六级单词)
• relentless [ri´lentləs] a.无情的；坚韧的 (英语六级单词)