before described in large tie-wigs with amber-headed canes.

These gentlemen are the ticket-porters in the city, and their
canes are the insignia, or tickets, denoting their office. We

informed them of the several ladies to whom we were obliged, and
were preparing to follow them, when on a sudden they all stared

at one another, and left us in a hurry, with a frown on every
countenance. We were surprised at this behavior, and presently

summoned the host, who was no sooner acquainted with it than he
burst into an hearty laugh, and told us the reason was, because

we did not fee the gentlemen the moment they came in, according
to the custom of the place. We answered, with some confusion, we

had brought nothing with us from the other world, which we had
been all our lives informed was not lawful to do. "No, no,

master," replied the host; "I am apprised of that, and indeed it
was my fault. I should have first sent you to my lord Scrape,[7]

who would have supplied you with what you want." "My lord Scrape
supply us!" said I, with astonishment: "sure you must know we

cannot give him security; and I am convinced he never lent a
shilling without it in his life." "No, sir," answered the host,

"and for that reason he is obliged to do it here, where he is
sentenced to keep a bank, and to distribute money gratis to all

passengers. This bank originally consisted of just that sum,
which he had miserably hoarded up in the other world, and he is

to perceive it decrease visibly one shilling a-day, till it is
totally exhausted; after which he is to return to the other

world, and perform the part of a miser for seventy years; then,
being purified in the body of a hog, he is to enter the human

species again, and take a second trial." "Sir," said I, "you
tell me wonders: but if his bank be to decrease only a shilling

a day, how can he furnish all passengers?" "The rest," answered
the host, "is supplied again; but in a manner which I cannot

easily explain to you." "I apprehend," said I, "this
distribution of his money is inflicted on him as a punishment;

but I do not see how it can answer that end, when he knows it is
to be restored to him again. Would it not serve the purpose as

well if he parted only with the single shilling, which it seems
is all he is really to lose?" "Sir," cries the host, "when you

observe the agonies with which he parts with every guinea, you
will be of another opinion. No prisoner condemned to death ever

begged so heartily for transportation as he, when he received his
sentence, did to go to hell, provided he might carry his money

with him. But you will know more of these things when you arrive
at the upper world; and now, if you please, I will attend you to

my lord's, who is obliged to supply you with whatever you
desire."

[7] That we may mention it once for all, in the panegyrical part
of this work some particular person is always meant: but, in the

satirical, nobody.
We found his lordship sitting at the upper end of a table, on

which was an immense sum of money, disposed in several heaps,
every one of which would have purchased the honor of some

patriots and the chastity of some prudes. The moment he saw us
he turned pale, and sighed, as well apprehending our business.

Mine host accosted him with a familiar air, which at first
surprised me, who so well remembered the respect I had formerly

seen paid this lord by men infinitely superior in quality to the
person who now saluted him in the following manner: "Here, you

lord, and be dam--d to your little sneaking soul, tell out your
money, and supply your betters with what they want. Be quick,

sirrah, or I'll fetch the beadle to you. Don't fancy yourself in
the lower world again, with your privilege at your a--." He then

shook a cane at his lordship, who immediately began to tell out
his money, with the same miserable air and face which the miser

on our stage wears while he delivers his bank-bills. This
affected some of us so much that we had certainly returned with

no more than what would have been sufficient to fee the porters,
had not our host, perceiving our compassion, begged us not to

spare a fellow who, in the midst of immensewealth, had always
refused the least contribution to charity. Our hearts were

hardened with this reflection, and we all filled our pockets with
his money. I remarked a poetical spirit, in particular, who

swore he would have a hearty gripe at him: "For," says he, "the
rascal not only refused to subscribe to my works, but sent back

my letter unanswered, though I am a better gentleman than
himself." We now returned from this miserable object, greatly

admiring the propriety as well as justice of his punishment,
which consisted, as our host informed us, merely in the

delivering forth his money; and, he observed, we could not wonder
at the pain this gave him, since it was as reasonable that the

bare parting with money should make him miserable as that the
bare having money without using it should have made him happy.

Other tie-wig porters (for those we had summoned before refused
to visit us again) now attended us; and we having fee'd them the

instant they entered the room, according to the instructions of
our host, they bowed and smiled, and offered to introduce us to

whatever disease we pleased.
We set out several ways, as we were all to pay our respects to

different ladies. I directed my porter to show me to the Fever
on the Spirits, being the disease which had delivered me from the

flesh. My guide and I traversed many streets, and knocked at
several doors, but to no purpose. At one, we were told, lived

the Consumption; at another, the Maladie Alamode, a French lady;
at the third, the Dropsy; at the fourth, the Rheumatism; at the

fifth, Intemperance; at the sixth, Misfortune. I was tired, and
had exhausted my patience, and almost my purse; for I gave my

porter a new fee at every blunder he made: when my guide, with a
solemn countenance, told me he could do no more; and marched off

without any farther ceremony.
He was no sooner gone than I met another gentleman with a ticket,

i. e., an amber-headed cane in his hand. I first fee'd him, and
then acquainted him with the name of the disease. He cast

himself for two or three minutes into a thoughtfulposture, then
pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, on which he wrote

something in one of the Oriental languages, I believe, for I
could not read a syllable: he bade me carry it to such a

particular shop, and, telling me it would do my business, he took
his leave.

Secure, as I now thought myself, of my direction, I went to the
shop, which very much resembled an apothecary's. The person who

officiated, having read the paper, took down about twenty
different jars, and, pouring something out of every one of them,

made a mixture, which he delivered to me in a bottle, having
first tied a paper round the neck of it, on which were written

three or four words, the last containing eleven syllables. I
mentioned the name of the disease I wanted to find out, but

received no other answer than that he had done as he was ordered,
and the drugs were excellent. I began now to be enraged, and,

quitting the shop with some anger in my countenance, I intended
to find out my inn, but, meeting in the way a porter whose

countenance had in it something more pleasing than ordinary, I
resolved to try once more, and clapped a fee into his hand. As

soon as I mentioned the disease to him he laughed heartily, and
told me I had been imposed on, for in reality no such disease was

to be found in that city. He then inquired into the particulars
of my case, and was no sooner acquainted with them than he

informed me that the Maladie Alamode was the lady to whom I was
obliged. I thanked him, and immediately went to pay my respects

to her. The house, or rather palace, of this lady was one of the
most beautiful and magnificent in the city. The avenue to it was

planted with sycamore trees, with beds of flowers on each side;
it was extremely pleasant but short. I was conducted through a