efore the house-maid had lit their fire the next day, or
the sun gained any power over a cold,
gloomy morning in
January, Marianne, only half dressed, was kneeling
against one of the window-seats for the sake of all the little light
she could command from it, and writing as fast as a
continual flow
of tears would permit her. In this situation, Elinor, roused from
sleep by her
agitation and sobs, first perceived her; and after
observing her for a few moments with silent anxiety, said, in a
tone of the most
considerategentleness,
"Marianne, may I ask?"―
"No, Elinor," she replied, "ask nothing; you will soon know all."
The sort of desperate
calmness with which this was said, lasted
no longer than while she spoke, and was immediately followed by
a return of the same
excessiveaffliction. It was some minutes
before she could go on with her letter, and the frequent bursts of
grief which still obliged her, at intervals, to
withhold her pen, were
proofs enough of her feeling how more than probable it was that
she was writing for the last time to Willoughby.
Elinor paid her every quiet and unobtrusive attention in her
power; and she would have tried to sooth and tranquillize her still
more, had not Marianne
entreated her, with all the
eagerness of
the most nervous irritability, not to speak to her for the world. In
such circumstances, it was better for both that they should not be
long together; and the restless state of Marianne's mind not only
prevented her from remaining in the room a moment after she was
dressed, but requiring at once
solitude and
continual change of
place, made her wander about the house till breakfast time,
avoiding the sight of every body.
At breakfast she neither ate, nor attempted to eat any thing;
and Elinor's attention was then all employed, not in urging her,
not in pitying her, nor in appearing to regard her, but in
endeavouring to engage Mrs. Jenning's notice entirely to herself.
As this was a favourite meal with Mrs. Jennings, it lasted a
considerable time, and they were just
setting themselves, after it,
round the common working table, when a letter was delivered to
Marianne, which she eagerly caught from the servant, and,
turning of a death-like paleness, instantly ran out of the room.
Elinor, who saw as plainly by this, as if she had seen the direction,
that it must come from Willoughby, felt immediately such a
sickness at heart as made her hardly able to hold up her head, and
sat in such a general tremour as made her fear it impossible to
escape Mrs. Jenning's notice. That good lady, however, saw only
that Marianne had received a letter from Willoughby, which
appeared to her a very good joke, and which she treated
accordingly, by hoping, with a laugh, that she would find it to her
liking. Of Elinor's distress, she was too
busily employed in
measuring lengths of worsted for her rug, to see any thing at all;
and calmly continuing her talk, as soon as Marianne disappeared,
she said,
"Upon my word, I never saw a young woman so
desperately in
love in my life! My girls were nothing to her, and yet they used to
be foolish enough; but as for Miss Marianne, she is quite an
altered creature. I hope, from the bottom of my heart, he won't
keep her waiting much longer, for it is quite
grievous to see her
look so ill and
forlorn. Pray, when are they to be married?"
Elinor, though never less disposed to speak than at that
moment, obliged herself to answer such an attack as this, and,
therefore,
trying to smile, replied, "And have you really, Ma'am,
talked yourself into a persuasion of my sister's being engaged to
Mr. Willoughby? I thought it had been only a joke, but so serious a
question seems to imply more; and I must beg, therefore, that you
will not deceive yourself any longer. I do assure you that nothing
would surprise me more than to hear of their being going to be
married."
"For shame, for shame, Miss Dashwood! how can you talk so?
Don't we all know that it must be a match, that they were over
head and ears in love with each other from the first moment they
met? Did not I see them together in Devonshire every day, and all
day long; and did not I know that your sister came to town with
me on purpose to buy wedding clothes? Come, come, this won't
do. Because you are so sly about it yourself, you think nobody else
has any senses; but it is no such thing, I can tell you, for it has
been known all over town this ever so long. I tell every body of it
and so does Charlotte."
"Indeed, Ma'am," said Elinor, very seriously, "you are
mistaken. Indeed, you are doing a very
unkind thing in spreading
the report, and you will find that you have, though you will not
believe me now."
Mrs. Jennings laughed again, but Elinor had not spirits to say
more, and eager at all events to know what Willoughby had
written,
hurried away to their room, where, on opening the door,
she saw Marianne stretched on the bed, almost choked by grief,
one letter in her hand, and two or three others laying by her.
Elinor drew near, but without
saying a word; and seating herself
on the bed, took her hand, kissed her
affectionately several times,
and then gave way to a burst of tears, which at first was scarcely
less violent than Marianne's. The latter, though unable to speak,
seemed to feel all the
tenderness of this behaviour, and after some
time thus spent in joint
affliction, she put all the letters into
Elinor's hands; and then covering her face with her handkerchief,
almost screamed with agony. Elinor, who knew that such grief,
shocking as it was to witness it, must have its course, watched by
her till this excess of suffering had somewhat spent itself, and then
turning eagerly to Willoughby's letter, read as follows:
Bond-street, January.
My Dear Madam,
I have just had the honour of receiving your letter, for which I
beg to return my sincere acknowledgments. I am much
concernedto find there was anything in my behaviour last night that did not
meet your approbation; and though I am quite at a loss to discover
in what point I could be so unfortunate as to offend you, I
entreatyour
forgiveness of what I can assure you to have been
perfectlyunintentional. I shall never reflect on my former acquaintance
with your family in Devonshire without the most grateful pleasure,
and flatter myself it will not be broken by any mistake or
misapprehension of my actions. My
esteem for your whole family
is very sincere; but if I have been so unfortunate as to give rise to a
belief of more than I felt, or meant to express, I shall
reproachmyself for not having been more guarded in my professions of that
esteem. That I should ever have meant more you will allow to be
impossible, when you understand that my affections have been
long engaged elsewhere, and it will not be many weeks, I believe,
before this engagement is fulfilled. It is with great regret that I
obey your commands in returning the letters with which I have
been honoured from you, and the lock of hair, which you so
obligingly bestowed on me.
I am, dear Madam,
Your most
obedient humble servant,
JOHN WILLOUGHBY.
With what
indignation such a letter as this must be read by
Miss Dashwood, may be imagined. Though aware, before she
began it, that it must bring a
confession of his inconstancy, and
confirm their
separation for ever, she was not aware that such
language could be suffered to announce it; nor could she have
supposed Willoughby capable of departing so far from the
appearance of every honourable and delicate feeling―so far from
the common decorum of a gentleman, as to send a letter so
impudently cruel: a letter which, instead of bringing with his
desire of a release any professions of regret, acknowledged no
breach of faith, denied all peculiar affection whatever―a letter of
which every line was an insult, and which proclaimed its writer to
be deep in hardened villainy.
She paused over it for some time with
indignant astonishment;
then read it again and again; but every perusal only served to
increase her abhorrence of the man, and so bitter were her
feelings against him, that she dared not trust herself to speak, lest
she might wound Marianne still deeper by treating their
disengagement, not as a loss to her of any possible good but as an
escape from the worst and most irremediable of all evils, a
connection, for life, with an unprincipled man, as a
deliverance the
most real, a blessing the most important.
In her earnest meditations on the contents of the letter, on the
depravity of that mind which could
dictate it, and probably, on the
very different mind of a very different person, who had no other
connection whatever with the affair than what her heart gave him
with every thing that passed, Elinor forgot the immediate distress
of her sister, forgot that she had three letters on her lap yet
unread, and so entirely forgot how long she had been in the room,
that when on
hearing a carriage drive up to the door, she went to
the window to see who could be coming so unreasonably early, she
was all astonishment to perceive Mrs. Jennings's
chariot, which
she knew had not been ordered till one. Determined not to quit
Marianne, though
hopeless of contributing, at present, to her ease,
she
hurried away to excuse herself from attending Mrs. Jennings,
on account of her sister being indisposed. Mrs. Jennings, with a
thoroughly good-humoured concern for its cause, admitted the
excuse most readily, and Elinor, after
seeing her safe off, returned
to Marianne, whom she found attempting to rise from the bed, and
whom she reached just in time to prevent her from falling on the
floor, faint and giddy from a long want of proper rest and food; for
it was many days since she had any appetite, and many nights
since she had really slept; and now, when her mind was no longer
supported by the fever of
suspense, the consequence of all this was
felt in an aching head, a weakened stomach, and a general nervous
faintness. A glass of wine, which Elinor procured for her directly,
made her more comfortable, and she was at last able to express
some sense of her kindness, by
saying,
"Poor Elinor! how unhappy I make you!"
"I only wish," replied her sister, "there were any thing I could
do, which might be of comfort to you."
This, as every thing else would have been, was too much for
Marianne, who could only exclaim, in the
anguish of her heart,
"Oh! Elinor, I am miserable, indeed," before her voice was entirely
lost in sobs.
Elinor could no longer witness this
torrent of unresisted grief in
silence.
"Exert yourself, dear Marianne," she cried, "if you would not
kill yourself and all who love you. Think of your mother; think of
her misery while you suffer; for her sake you must exert yourself."
"I cannot, I cannot," cried Marianne; "leave me, leave me, if I
distress you; leave me, hate me, forget me! but do not torture me
so. Oh! how easy for those who have no sorrow of their own to talk
of exertion! Happy, happy Elinor, you cannot have an idea of what
I suffer."
"Do you call me happy, Marianne? Ah! if you knew!―And can
you believe me to be so, while I see you so wretched!"
"Forgive me, forgive me," throwing her arms round her sister's
neck; "I know you feel for me; I know what a heart you have; but
yet you are―you must be happy; Edward loves you―what, oh
what, can do away such happiness as that?"
"Many, many circumstances," said Elinor,
solemnly.
"No, no, no," cried Marianne wildly, "he loves you, and only
you. You can have no grief."
"I can have no pleasure while I see you in this state."
"And you will never see me otherwise. Mine is a misery which
nothing can do away."
"You must not talk so, Marianne. Have you no comforts? no
friends? Is your loss such as leaves no opening for
consolation?
Much as you suffer now, think of what you would have suffered if
the discovery of his character had been delayed to a later period―
if your engagement had been carried on for months and months,
as it might have been, before he chose to put an end to it. Every
additional day of unhappy confidence, on your side, would have
made the blow more dreadful."
"Engagement!" cried Marianne, "there has been no
engagement."
"No engagement!"
"No, he is not so
unworthy as you believe him. He has broken
no faith with me."
"But he told you that he loved you."
"Yes―no―never absolutely. It was every day implied, but
never professedly declared. Sometimes I thought it had been―but
it never was."
"Yet you wrote to him?"―
"Yes―could that be wrong after all that had passed?―But I
cannot talk."
Elinor said no more, and turning again to the three letters
which now raised a much stronger curiosity than before, directly
ran over the contents of all. The first, which was what her sister
had sent him on their arrival in town, was to this effect.
Berkeley-street, January.
How surprised you will be, Willoughby, on receiving this; and I
think you will feel something more than surprise, when you know
that I am in town. An opportunity of coming hither, though with
Mrs. Jennings, was a
temptation we could not resist. I wish you
may receive this in time to come here to-night, but I will not
depend on it. At any rate I shall expect you to-morrow. For the present, adieu.
M.D.
Her second note, which had been written on the morning after
the dance at the Middletons', was in these words:―
I cannot express my disappointment in having missed you the
day before yesterday, nor my astonishment at not having received
any answer to a note which I sent you above a week ago. I have
been expecting to hear from you, and still more to see you, every
hour of the day. Pray call again as soon as possible, and explain
the reason of my having expected this in vain. You had better
come earlier another time, because we are generally out by one.
We were last night at Lady Middleton's, where there was a dance.
I have been told that you were asked to be of the party. But could
it be so? You must be very much altered indeed since we parted, if
that could be the case, and you not there. But I will not suppose
this possible, and I hope very soon to receive your personal
assurance of its being otherwise.
M.D.
The contents of her last note to him were these:―
What am I to imagine, Willoughby, by your behaviour last
night? Again I demand an explanation of it. I was prepared to
meet you with the pleasure which our
separation naturally
produced, with the
familiarity which our
intimacy at Barton
appeared to me to justify. I was repulsed indeed! I have passed a
wretched night in endeavouring to excuse a conduct which can
scarcely be called less than insulting; but though I have not yet
been able to form any reasonable
apology for your behaviour, I am
perfectly ready to hear your
justification of it. You have perhaps
been misinformed, or purposely deceived, in something
concerning me, which may have lowered me in your opinion. Tell
me what it is, explain the grounds on which you acted, and I shall
be satisfied, in being able to satisfy you. It would grieve me indeed
to be obliged to think ill of you; but if I am to do it, if I am to learn
that you are not what we have
hitherto believed you, that your
regard for us all was insincere, that your behaviour to me was
intended only to deceive, let it be told as soon as possible. My
feelings are at present in a state of dreadful indecision; I wish to
acquit you, but
certainty on either side will be ease to what I now
suffer. If your sentiments are no longer what they were, you will
return my notes, and the lock of my hair which is in your
possession.
M.D.
That such letters, so full of affection and confidence, could have
been so answered, Elinor, for Willoughby's sake, would have been
unwilling to believe. But her
condemnation of him did not blind
her to the impropriety of their having been written at all; and she
was silently grieving over the imprudence which had hazarded
such unsolicited proofs of
tenderness, not warranted by anything
preceding, and most
severely condemned by the event, when
Marianne, perceiving that she had finished the letters, observed to
her that they contained nothing but what any one would have
written in the same situation.
"I felt myself," she added, "to be as
solemnly engaged to him, as
if the strictest legal
covenant had bound us to each other."
"I can believe it," said Elinor; "but
unfortunately he did not feel
the same."
"He did feel the same, Elinor―for weeks and weeks he felt it. I
know he did. Whatever may have changed him now, (and nothing
but the blackest art employed against me can have done it), I was
once as dear to him as my own soul could wish. This lock of hair,
which now he can so readily give up, was begged of me with the
most earnest supplication. Had you seen his look, his manner, had
you heard his voice at that moment! Have you forgot the last
evening of our being together at Barton? The morning that we
parted too! When he told me that it might be many weeks before
we met again―his distress―can I ever forget his distress?" For a
moment or two she could say no more; but when this emotion had
passed away, she added, in a firmer tone,
"Elinor, I have been
cruelly used; but not by Willoughby."
"Dearest Marianne, who but himself? By whom can he have
been instigated?"
"By all the world, rather than by his own heart. I could rather
believe every creature of my acquaintance leagued together to
ruin me in his opinion, than believe his nature capable of such
cruelty. This woman of whom he writes―whoever she be―or any
one, in short, but your own dear self, mama, and Edward, may
have been so
barbarous to bely me. Beyond you three, is there a
creature in the world whom I would not rather suspect of evil than
Willoughby, whose heart I know so well?"
Elinor would not con tend, and only replied, "Whoever may
have been so detestably your enemy, let them be cheated of their
malignant triumph, my dear sister, by
seeing how nobly the
consciousness of your own
innocence and good intentions
supports your spirits. It is a reasonable and laudable pride which
resists such malevolence."
"No, no," cried Marianne, "misery such as mine has no pride. I
care not who knows that I am wretched. The triumph of
seeing me
so may be open to all the world. Elinor, Elinor, they who suffer
little may be proud and independent as they like―may resist
insult, or return mortification―but I cannot. I must feel―I must
be wretched―and they are welcome to enjoy the
consciousness of
it that can."
"But for my mother's sake and mine―"
"I would do more than for my own. But to appear happy when I
am so miserable―Oh! who can require it?"
Again they were both silent. Elinor was employed in walking
thoughtfully from the fire to the window, from the window to the
fire, without knowing that she received warmth from one, or
discerning objects through the other; and Marianne, seated at the
foot of the bed, with her head leaning against one of its posts,
again took up Willoughby's letter, and, after shuddering over
every sentence, exclaimed―
"It is too much! Oh, Willoughby, Willoughby, could this be
yours! Cruel, cruel―nothing can
acquit you. Elinor, nothing can.
Whatever he might have heard against me―ought he not to have
suspended his belief? ought he not to have told me of it, to have
given me the power of
clearing myself? 'The lock of hair,
(repeating it from the letter,) which you so obligingly bestowed on
me'―That is unpardonable. Willoughby, where was your heart
when you wrote those words? Oh,
barbarously insolent!―Elinor,
can he be justified?"
"No, Marianne, in no possible way."
"And yet this woman―who knows what her art may have
been?―how long it may have been premeditated, and how deeply
contrived by her!―Who is she?―Who can she be?―Whom did I
ever hear him talk of as young and attractive among his female
acquaintance?―Oh! no one, no one―he talked to me only of
myself."
Another pause ensued; Marianne was greatly agitated, and it
ended thus.
"Elinor, I must go home. I must go and comfort mama. Can not
we be gone to-morrow?"
"To-morrow, Marianne!"
"Yes, why should I stay here? I came only for Willoughby's
sake―and now who cares for me? Who regards me?"
"It would be impossible to go to-morrow. We owe Mrs. Jennings
much more than
civility; and
civility of the commonest kind must
prevent such a hasty
removal as that."
"Well then, another day or two, perhaps; but I cannot stay here
long, I cannot stay to endure the questions and remarks of all
these people. The Middletons and Palmers―how am I to bear
their pity? The pity of such a woman as Lady Middleton! Oh, what
would he say to that!"
Elinor advised her to lie down again, and for a moment she did
so; but no attitude could give her ease; and in restless pain of mind
and body she moved from one
posture to another, till growing
more and more
hysterical, her sister could with difficulty keep her
on the bed at all, and for some time was fearful of being
constrained to call for assistance. Some
lavender drops, however,
which she was at length persuaded to take, were of use; and from
that time till Mrs. Jennings returned, she continued on the bed
quiet and motionless.
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